VERY hard Teen Breakup... HELP PLEASE

[Jen1985]

Um... god I don't know where to start. I guess I will say first that I am just turning eighteen and my now ex-boyfriend is only 3 months younger than me. We have been together on and off since we were 14 years old. Now please take into consideration that this is no average teen relationship. The feelinsg were and are real and I do know what love is. When he and I first started dating we didn't really know too much abut being in a serious relationships and we both had maturity issues and we broke up a lot. He cheated on me once (not sexually) and he left me for another girl at one time also and thinsg that commonly occur in relationships. Well after he left me for this girl I went crazy with hurt and jealousy and called him over an dover and over again and he never answered or returned my calls. Eventually we stopped talking for months. We finally got back together and we healed and re=established a relationship over months and months of talking about things and confessing things and etc. I have been in love with him since the beginning. head over heels since I met him. I would do anything fo rhim an I have always loved and respected him the way a wife respects a husband. Well not too long ago he realized he felt the same way. He said he loved me with all his heart and he can't live without me and he wanted to marry me and have a life and children with me someday. Well, to back track. During the tiem months that we weren't talking to each other, I went through a bad time and I slept with two other people. Well when I confessed this to him he was hurt of course and I gave him his breathing room and let him deal with it and finally he was okay and evrything. Well before and during the time he had confessed his feelings for me he stated that although he felt the same way I do, he would not be ready to commit to me unless he had a sexual experience with someone else, because he had only been with me and he felt it was unfair that I had other people to compare him to (which I assured him I do NOT ever do). So I went through ups and downs between 'okay you can do that if thats what it takes to make this work, I understand where you are coming from" and "no, that is stupid, selfish, and unnecessary. if you love me you dont need to do this if you already know how u feel about me." Okay to get to the point now... um he started working (babysitting) for his aunt over the summer so I only got to see him on the weekends. He wanted to break up temporarily so he could do his 'sex experience' thing. I refused. So we stayed together and I hada hard time with not seeing him as often and I was kinda stressin him out plus I was getting jealous becuz he met a girl he liked and he had lied to me about her and stuff 9he never did anything with her that I know of though) and so I was always on his case about him spending time with her. So he just dumped me because he said I was stressing him out and he wasn't ready for a relationship yet and he didnt want to deal with the responsibilities that come with one. So we're broken up now. He wants to stay friends... very close friends.... friends with benefits... because we love each other very much and we have been like that every time we have broken up. But this time something doesn't feel right. I mean ot about the friends w/ benefist thing. Just the fact that we are broken up. It feels wrong. We should be together. It was supposed to last this time. And I have been going through ups and downs and I've been feeling suicidal on occasion and I just don't know what to do. One day I'm okay with being friends and I don't mind waiting until h's ready to get back with me... the next I want to leave and pretend he never existed. I don't know what to do. All I know is thsi really hurts and it feels wrong and I know I will never have the strength to walk away or get over him so what should I do? Should I wait? Or am I doomed to keep going back and forth like this? HELP HELP HELP! I'm desperate!

[S4il]

you will be Ok jen...You 2 just need time apart, i would wait things out and see if he comes crawling back on his knees, after his little SEX fling (which i don't understand myself) is over, than he might feel more confidant to come back, but if it's only for sex than he isn't worth your time..i can't begin to understand why he said that..(wants to have sex with someone) does he feel embarrassed? is he still a virgin...So what if he is, ask him this "what is more important me or your EGO" put him on the spot...and i don't understand why he wouldn't want you to be his first.. or even his 3,000th if he isn't a virgin...it wont make a difference Love is universal/Reciprocal and he isn't showing that at all. I would wait this out and see what his intentions are. if he wants you back and you do 2 well than go with it..but don't be so OPEN and welcome to have him back, than he will just think of you as someone on the side.

 

 

p.s. If you have noticed Miss-spelled words in your post..The EDIT button in the top right corner of your post Box will allow you to "edit" the post you made as many times as you want..

[smiles314]

Well i think that is just stupid and selfish for him to say he wants sexual experiences so its fair.. That sounds like B.s to me.

 

I wouldnt stand for it if i were you. If he wanted to experience stuff he should have done it while u were on a break.. If he is so serious about you, he shouldnt care about that anymore. He seems to be too immature at the moment. He needs to take evrything a lot mroe seriously. And if he wont quit, they i suggest you forget him for awhile. you guys are still young, and have many yrs to get through. After some times passes, u 2 may be able to meet again, and be better then before. Or maybe u'll realize that tehres more out there. But dont let him do that to you- if anything its disrespectful and you are worth mroe than that.

[in recognition of...]

This guy kind of seems like a jerk from what you've said. Why would he go on sex flings and like other people when he has you? I mean I'm not trying to put a downer on your day but I agree with the above post. Wait for him to come crawling back.

[Seraph]

Best I have: Take some time away from him. Let him feel insecure for once. You let him be so secure with your calls and your tears. But if you just take a week away from him. I know you say you can't.. but.. try? please? He'll snap to his senses if he realizes that you aren't calling everyday all of a sudden.

 

i really hope things work out.

[Jen1985]

Okay let me clear somethings up lol. First, he is not a virgin, he wanted to have the sex experience becuzi had been with ppl other than him in the past and he has only been with me. I am his first and his only sexual partner. Secondly, he already tossed that idea out the window. My problem is with the break up. He broke up with me because he said i stressed him out and he doesnt want the responsibilities of a relationship just yet, etc. But this breakup feels very VERY wrong and I can't change his mind and I don't know what to do.. Okay.. NOW, any advice? LOL

[za3raa69]

no one likes being pressured ... BUT his idea of not having experience with others is just not sensible, if everyone one of us must have the same amount of experience as the one we love then we would never see couples around us.

 

give him some time and space, let him realize wat he lost now, just dont push him or pressure him. Guys dont like girls who r behind them in each and every step. Goodluck see ya