4 thirty hot humid sticky nihon

[Boughtandpaidfor]

At 4.30am in the morning

On a hot and sticky night in Japan

I sat alone and wondered blankly

With no hope of catharsis

Where the path forward might be

 

It's all a joke though

Because I've come to the crossroads

Before and I turned back

With three possible avenues

I chose instead

To unravel what little had been done

 

I chose fear and emptiness

There's no denying it

Except that (and here's the kick)

I chose denial too- so even my admission

Is tainted with lack of insight

 

At 4.30am on a hot sticky Japan night

I sat in my happy village

And I admitted, not thoroughly though

That I had elected for a life of confusion

Why you might ask? And I can't answer

Or I wouldn't be here.

 

I'm no longer deserving of such clarity

I've made my choice

And, in self-pity I admit,

I hate where it's left me

But it's hard not to feel like this

At half after four on a humid morning

 

I don't mind being stupid

That's okay

And I can deal with the lack of mental stability

I brought that on myself

I'm not interested in any kind of nirvana

Or heaven- I would settle for one second

Of self truth

I lie and I lie and I lie to myself constantly over and over again and I hate it.

[Daddy Bear]

i'm not a big poetry reader, but i wouldn't mind having a book full of stuff like that.

[Boughtandpaidfor]

i'm not a big poetry reader, but i wouldn't mind having a book full of stuff like that.

 

That'sa great thing to say!!! Thanks very much!! Thought I read it and cringe in the morning......but still feel the same way...... so still like the poem, but still feel a bit pointless... swings and roundabouts- can't have art without pain I guess.