What do wealthy/ambitious men want...? Confused...

[Carnatic]

Well here's an update on the situation...

 

The prof. isn't interested in me anymore (he found out I wasn't rich, and apparently i wasn't elitist/cultural enough for him) and the doctor guy also isn't interested since I didn't want sex. So either way, I'm a bit disappointed with dating and will likely go on a diet of not eating for a few days because i'm sorta depressed... not with myself but just with life in general. I can't meet guys I like romantically EVER, and any guys who are remotely close to interesting lose interest in me... because they're too arrogant/elitist

 

sorry, I just had to rant. :sad: that's all for now.

 

lily

 

Curoious as to what the original post was, but this post here I would say is a good example that a guy who is successful isn't necessarily a good guy, some want a trophy wife, some assume they can pick and choose any girl just for sex and some are elitist... but I must point out that some are just nice guys who just happen to be successful, although they won't make a big show of it.

[Carnatic]

Men only like one thing: a perfect body. Very, VERY few men exist in the world that care at all about intelligence or personality. Rich, successful men definitely want a trophy wife, so if you're not anorexic, don't even attempt to get that kind of man.

 

Seems a little overly pessimistic, don't be going tarring us all with the same brush.

[RayKay]

Men only like one thing: a perfect body. Very, VERY few men exist in the world that care at all about intelligence or personality. Rich, successful men definitely want a trophy wife, so if you're not anorexic, don't even attempt to get that kind of man.

 

Um, maybe if the men you talk of are, or rather have, the emotional and mental maturity of a 13 year old going through puberty.

 

I would say the opposite is true, that while most people of both sexes are looking for someone they are ATTRACTED to, what is "perfect" varies for everyone, and people are looking for a PARTNER in life - which requires personality, intelligence and emotional maturity.

[Question Mark]

You've hit on the key word here: "ambitious."

 

As an ambitious person who's on the track to wealth, I work hard so I can make more money than the next guy. I study hard so I can get the best grades. I read voraciously so I can know more than most other people. I work out rigorously so I can look/feel better and be stronger than other guys. I'm super-competitive, that's for sure. And so it makes sense that in looking for women, I go for looks first - as someone said, I go for girls who will reflect well on me.

 

Like so many things, attraction and dating is about making the cut. If I don't make the cut, I lose. Same with anyone else. Sometimes this means you have to be born with certain physical characteristics that you would have no control over. It's a refined sort of brutality, no doubt there. Then again, so is nature.

 

That being said, I'm young and don't enjoy this game much. I'm not by nature the type of guy that will go out and aggressively pursue women, nor do I particularly like the shallow world of the young and the affluent. As I get older and start thinking about more serious stuff (i.e. marriage and kids) I'm going to look more for someone who can be a good friend and partner, someone who I'll unconditionally respect and want to spend the rest of my life with, etc. So I guess the answer to the question depends on what point in life someone is at.

[Question Mark]

Sorry to come off as overly shallow, if I did. I was just trying to illustrate the crushing effects of a system that demands success and winning.

[Scout]

As an ambitious person who's on the track to wealth, I work hard so I can make more money than the next guy. I study hard so I can get the best grades. I read voraciously so I can know more than most other people. I work out rigorously so I can look/feel better and be stronger than other guys. I'm super-competitive, that's for sure. And so it makes sense that in looking for women, I go for looks first - as someone said, I go for girls who will reflect well on me.

 

Well...I can't say that entirely makes sense to me, based on your reasoning. Why not go for intelligence first, so that the woman you end up with can still continue to stimulate and challenge your mind after her looks have faded?

 

If you're really such a smart guy, you'd recognize that looks are fleeting, but brains and character last a lifetime.

 

Unless you plan on being one of those pathetic old guys who drive around in a red ferrari in a desperate attempt to recapture their youth (which never made sense to me...how many young guys do we know that drive a sports car with a six figure price tag).

 

Trust me, if you make a habit of marrying trophy wives, you'll soon see your bank account disappear, too.

[NJRon]

which never made sense to me...how many young guys do we know that drive a sports car with a six figure price tag

 

I know one. He parks it in front of our gym. But only if that spot is open, otherwise he doesn't come in. When he does get that parking spot, he comes in and does about 2 bench presses and just talks to girls. Then he buys a sports shake and gets back into his ferrari... presumably to find another good parking spot somewhere.

 

I often wonder if he is a valet parker somewhere...

 

Not to take the subject off track or anything. It's been a long day...

[Carnatic]

You've hit on the key word here: "ambitious."

As an ambitious person who's on the track to wealth, I work hard so I can make more money than the next guy. I study hard so I can get the best grades. I read voraciously so I can know more than most other people. I work out rigorously so I can look/feel better and be stronger than other guys. I'm super-competitive, that's for sure. And so it makes sense that in looking for women, I go for looks first - as someone said, I go for girls who will reflect well on me.

 

I wouldn't say that... I mean I would say I was fairly ambitious, but only for my own purposes, I want to have a good life that's all, and that takes ambition. I'm not driven to be richer, smarter, better looking than anyone else, I just want to be better in future than I am now, and so on and so forth.

[Question Mark]

Well...I can't say that entirely makes sense to me, based on your reasoning. Why not go for intelligence first, so that the woman you end up with can still continue to stimulate and challenge your mind after her looks have faded?

 

If you're really such a smart guy, you'd recognize that looks are fleeting, but brains and character last a lifetime.

 

Unless you plan on being one of those pathetic old guys who drive around in a red ferrari in a desperate attempt to recapture their youth (which never made sense to me...how many young guys do we know that drive a sports car with a six figure price tag).

 

Trust me, if you make a habit of marrying trophy wives, you'll soon see your bank account disappear, too.

 

I wasn't referrring to a wife or serious girlfriend when I said I went for looks, I was referring to hookups, flings, one-night stands, and the like. I'm too young to be considering getting married at this moment.

 

Our society, as propelled by the mass media, says if you're a young man and wish to have an enviable social life, you gotta get out there and get with pretty young things. It don't matter if I'm shy or not naturally inclined to go out to parties, bars, and clubs. I don't have the power to set the standards. *Shrug* I do as nature tells me.

[Lily04]

I wasn't referrring to a wife or serious girlfriend when I said I went for looks, I was referring to hookups, flings, one-night stands, and the like. I'm too young to be considering getting married at this moment.

 

 

You sound like the young doctor I went out with...he wanted to have sex on the 2nd date and I got the impression he was just looking for a fling, even though we did have chemistry that went beyond just the physical. I didn't like his somewhat cold personality however, so I wouldn't see this as being long-term if anything were to come of it. I don't think that just because you're young & perhaps wealthy, you should simply feel entitled to use women for sex and have multiple flings, hookups, etc. as if that reinforces your social ego. I think that a much more respectable option for a young professional (or anyone for that matter) would be to find an intelligent girlfriend and someone who you really liked and felt an intimate chemistry with, something that could last much longer than one night. That to me is 'prestigious', as it's truly rarer and also reflects much better of your personality...

 

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ALSO, another thing is... to be honest I actually wrote the conclusion about what 'happened' when I was really upset about the date with the doctor & I said that nothing happened with the prof...because of his elitism, etc. That wasn't true. He didn't reply at first, but we ended up going out Thursday night of this week after chatting on the phone and he fell hard for me. I am not really physically attracted to him though, so I don't think it will work... we're going on a 2nd date tomorrow though because I find him relatively interesting, but I expect I'll sorta... tell him I see him more as a friend.

 

I don't know if people noticed from prior posts but I tend to over-analyze things & perhaps obsess over small details, and in a way that helps me to cope but at the same time isn't so efficient. A way of dealing with it is sometimes resurrecting the worst case scenerio and then seeing responses and just accepting the consequences, in case that happens. So that's sorta what I did with this post I suppose....I anticipated the result before it actually happened. Now unfortunately I am still somewhat *physically* attracted to the doctor... but because of my morals I have blocked him & deleted him from MSN as I felt the way he treated me was rude and I don't want anything to do with him. The prof., on the other hand, I don't feel the same chemistry with, although he is a nice person....so I think I'll have to break it off. I'll definitely try to keep up a friendship though because he can definitely come in useful around paper time, lol... j/k.

 

So that's what happened & my thoughts on the matter, I suppose.

 

Lily

[RufusDawes]

Why does the man being wealthy and ambitious have anything to do with anything ? Shouldn't you just be concerned about attracting men who you have a good connection with and are decent people.

 

At least I thought thats how people go about things. Perhaps I am wrng but a buttn n my keybard just stpped wrking, can yu guess what it is ??

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Question Mark

I wasn't referrring to a wife or serious girlfriend when I said I went for looks, I was referring to hookups, flings, one-night stands, and the like. I'm too young to be considering getting married at this moment.

 

 

 

 

 

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ALSO, another thing is... to be honest I actually wrote the conclusion about what 'happened' when I was really upset about the date with the doctor & I said that nothing happened with the prof...because of his elitism, etc. That wasn't true. He didn't reply at first, but we ended up going out Thursday night of this week after chatting on the phone and he fell hard for me. I am not really physically attracted to him though, so I don't think it will work... we're going on a 2nd date tomorrow though because I find him relatively interesting, but I expect I'll sorta... tell him I see him more as a friend.

 

O MAN I FIXED MY KEYBOARD... omg, sorta... tell him I see him more as a friend.

[Lily04]

umm perhaps because you were having trouble with your keyboard, but I can't really understand your message... but to address what I think are your 2 points:

 

1) I'm not focused on attracting those kind of men. Those just characterize the 2 type of guys I went out with last week. I suppose I was suspicious of their intentions, rightly enough, as one of them really *was* just looking to use me for a fling/hookup, and it appears didn't really want more. I was curious whether these type of guys are usually just looking to satisfy their ego (i.e. by finding a pretty young girl for sex or to show their friends as a 'trophy gf') or if I could expect more from them. I think it honestly depends on the guy, but... my original post made reference to the 2 situations in particular. So yes the thread title appears vague, but the post was more detailed. I deleted the post, however, as I didn't like my question anymore and didn't find it so relevant.

 

2) Why is saying "let's just be friends" a bad thing to say? If it's the truth and I think we can maintain some sort of friendship...? What would you suggest is a better thing to say? "Sorry, but I don't find you attractive?" lol. I think my approach is a bit kinder...

 

Lily

[Carnatic]

I know what you meant... those kinds of guys aren't always just after a trophy wife... no more or less than any other guy (well maybe a little bit more as the reverse is true, guys who want trophy wives tend also to want success to be better than everyone else). But the guys who are successful and are good guys probably wont advertise their success as much as the jerks, so it may seem that successful guys are always jerks.

[Caterina]

To me, wealth doesn't make much of a difference. There are wealthy guys who are jerks and there are wealthy guys who are really sweet. I think it boils down to what people are looking for: meaning, wealth really shouldn't be a factor to consider if you like the guy.

I think that some people who grew up poor/uneducated might like to date wealthy guys to vicariously live through their lives somehow. They feel as though they did without and by dating a wealthy guy it somehow proves their sense of worth to them. Either that, or they just want to live an easy & luxerious life, lol.

NOt to say that there aren't obvious complications when it comes to wealth...wealthy people might have to worry about whether or not a person is using them for their money....sometimes I've seen wealthy people hide the fact that they have money so that people will like them for who they are. Then, there are flashy, wealthy guys. To them, a trophy wife type thing is th emost important. In a sexist, superficial society, men with the most money are most desirable, and women with the hottest bodies are the most desirable. A wealthy superficial man might think this way. HIs commodity is his wealth and the woman's commodity is her appearance. So people who try really hard to show both of these things often tend to adhere to the same dynamic idea and hook up. They might have a superficial relationship but to them they have what they want.

Relationships have little to do with wealth though...generally people want someone who accepts and loves them for who they are. NOt what they can prove. The men you date might have thought that you were following the typical formula that they've known...meaning, you give them your body they give you money & prestige. But you want to assert yourself intellectually and they don't really care about that. Thing is, there are plenty of extremely intelligent men who are not wealthy. BUt if you want to assert yourself intellectually and have people respect that...just become a doctor yourself instead of dating them?