Wonderland

[shes2smart]

Ok, Then, I'll Just Do Everything

 

It's a long, involved, drama-filled story which I will shorten to its main points.

 

Husband's ex wife got their house in the divorce. Neither had money to refinance in her name only, so we knew at some point, this was going to have to be dealt with, since his name is still on the mortgage loan and the deed. Yesterday was the day.

 

Got a letter from the mortgage lender. Seems his ex hasn't made house payments for some time and the bank can't find her...but they managed to track down my hubby. Hubby calls child support, figuring they will know where she is. They have an addy, but will not give it to him without something from the bank. Even then, they will not give out the addy...they will contact her on the bank's behalf, then she has 30 days to respond (or not).

 

Well, we don't have that kinda time. The mortgage hasn't been paid in quite some time and the bank is a little antsy to get the matter settled. They don't really care about what the divorce decree says...his name's on the loan. (Although the person at the bank was very sympathetic when she realized that he had no idea any of this was going on) But the fact is, they'd like some money....and they really don't care whose pocket it comes out of and his name is on the loan.

 

So, I get online and I start digging. Within 5 minutes I find a phone number and address for her...and she's several states away from the last place we knew she was living. Huh?

 

How do you just pick up and move and leave these loose ends behind? Seriously...do you figure if you don't give the bank a forwarding addy that they'll just let it go? Or do you figure they'll go after your ex and he'll pay for your mess (again......)? I don't understand the thought process that goes behind these actions. Maybe it's a bad assumption that there IS a thought process in the first place. Perhaps that's where I'm going wrong. I just can't conceive of not keeping track of your financial life.

 

After I tracked down some current contact info for his ex, my husband looked at me and said, "Thank you for not being psycho."

 

Not bad for 5 minutes work.

[shes2smart]

Let's Buy A House....It'll Be Fun!

 

Because, let's face it, raking leaves is a real hoot. One of the selling features of the house we bought earlier this year was the "mature trees." "Mature Trees" = very tall, very big trees with lots and lots and lots of leaves and limbs/branches of varying sizes that tend to break off and fall down during severe thunderstorms.

 

Oh, don't get me wrong...I like the big trees for the most part. Not a big fan of raking and bagging. 12 yard waste bags later, we had pretty much cleared the yard. But we are well aware this is only round #1. There are still plenty of leaves on those "mature trees"....plus the foliage on the not-so-mature trees, the mess of spirea and other shrubbery and the line of rose-of-sharon along the back fence.

 

Sometimes I miss renting.

 

Another thing I ran into over the weekend...Willful Ignorance. Willful Ignorance - when someone doesn't know something and purposely & consciously avoids learning about it so they won't have to do something or take respnonsibility for something later on. Ran into it at work, and it annoyed me. I had to stifle the urge to ask, "How can you be like that?" because it woulda gone over their head anyway.

 

The phone number we dug up for my husband's ex is no longer in service, and there's no other listing for her. Wonder if the address is good? We dug up a few more possible ways to track her down. The bank doesn't seem all that motivated to find her since they found us. The whole thing is a pain in my nether regions, really. And, in a way, I suppose she is also practicing a form of Willful Ignorance. (Really, how do you "forget" you have a mortgage? You choose to be willfully ignorant.)

 

For most people this past weekend was a time to celebrate Halloween. For me, it was a weekend of being confronted with Willful Ignorance. I also had the opportunity to practice Willful Ignorance...but, no, my butt was out there raking up whatever leaves were on the ground now. Willful Ignorance would've meant choosing to wait until all the leaves were off the trees and hoping the weather would still be nice...instead of acknowledging the fact that it is the end of October and nice, sunny, over 50-degree days are fast becoming rare...so we'd best take advantage of them while they're here. Willful Ignorance would end you up raking leaves in very cold, cloudy, damp, possibly snowy weather. No thank you.

 

In other news, I managed to finish making the fabric panels for the basement walls (to cut down on the echo from all the concrete surfaces). I need to pick up the velcro to attach them to the walls, but the labor-intensive part of the project is done.

 

Save for the Willful Ignorance, it was a pretty good weekend, actually....

[shes2smart]

Springsteen: "One of my best songs about the dedication to one another that comes with love."

 

 

 

A love song rooted in the reality of a relationship...probably why I like it so much.

[shes2smart]

54 Shopping Days Til Christmas!

 

Ah, November 1. A little less than a week til the election's over and I don't have to hear or see anymore #&$* political ads. People complain about negative campaign ads, but on some level, they work. Otherwise, their usage would die out fairly quickly. Ah, but by even talking about them, I draw attention to them...so, I'll stop that right now.

 

My husband got a 2-week trial of link removed. I sit next to the computer and watch him play. It's fascinating to watch, but I have no desire to play myself. Does that make any sense? I had a hard enough time not falling into the time sink that is the Sims...I don't need Sims-with-killin'.

 

The search for his ex continues. Managed to dig up a few more pieces of information. Hopefully, that will be enough for the bank to get in touch with her and we can get this settled and behind us. I can't think of any really good reason why she wouldn't want to get this taken care of and resolved. I can think of a number of petty reasons why...but no really good ones. It'll get resolved. I just have to be patient, because it's not gonna get resolved right now.

 

The next 8 week series of yoga starts on Monday. I could use a good stretch.

[shes2smart]

My Give A Damn's Busted

 

I'm starting to think it really is busted. I've never been a terribly sympathetic or empathetic person. While I like to think I've developed more compassion over the years, I'll never be one of those sort of my-heart-bleeds-for-you types. Over the past 2 weeks, I have gotten worse. I really don't care. You got problems? All you're likely to get outta me is "Deal with 'em and leave me out of it."

 

On the other side of it, I don't particularly expect anyone to give a damn about whatever struggles I may be having, either. So, I think that's fair. I'm not asking for something that I myself wouldn't give. If I wanted "there, there"s and a shoulder to cry on, the blog would be interactive. But it's not. I chose the option where I'm the only one who can post to this thread. Oh, sure, you could PM me if you were so inclined, but I don't expect/encourage it. I write so I can figure things out. If it happens to amuse a few people along the way, that's just gravy.

 

I am 42. I have managed to get to this point in my life without having to really take much responsibility for anyone but myself. No kids, a fully functional and healthy spouse, no relationship with my parents or other family to speak of. But something's come up that's trying to challenge that. And I don't like it at all. I am being asked to do something for a family member, and I'm not sure I really want to. Yet, at the same time, this family member has borne no ill will toward me and is mentally not capable of being self-sufficient.

 

On the one hand, I really don't want to. On the other hand, I'm thinking, "what kind of selfish, self-absorbed creature wouldn't step up to the plate in this situation?" Well, at the moment, I suppose that selfish, self-absorbed creature would be ME.

 

I like my life the way it is. I like where I live (the city and the house we bought). I like the fact that it's pretty much just me, my husband and our cats. I worked damn hard to have this life, and I do not want to give it up or risk altering it in any substantive way. Neither of us has any contact with our families for very good reasons. I'd be content to keep it that way for the rest of my days on this planet...but I don't think I'm going to be able to. Well, not without having to deal with the idea that I could possibly be the most selfish and self-absorbed creature I know.

 

If I was married to or with anyone else, they wouldn't understand why I'm not leaping to do the "family duty." But I'm not married to anyone else...I'm married to the person I'm married to. And he understands why I'm hesitating and struggling to make a decision. He wouldn't think I was the most selfish and self-absorbed creature on the planet if I ultimately decide to say no.

 

But I don't know that I would be able to convince myself that I wasn't.

 

In the interim, I find my patience/tolerance for some of the things I read here is nil. Between my family BS and the tracking-down-my-husband's-ex-because-she's-skipped-town-and-isn't-paying-her-bills BS, I find it hard to exercise the small amount of tact and diplomacy I normally have. So I follow the old adage of "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

 

Although, the variation of "If you can't say anything nice... come sit next to me" can be rather amusing at times, too....

[shes2smart]

A Tale Of Two Women

 

I'm far too irritated to put this where it needs to go, so I'll just put it here.

 

There are 2 women. They are co-workers and about the same age...about 8 or so years difference. They do different jobs in the same building. Both are fairly sedentary jobs. Both eat a relatively balanced somewhat typical American diet. Both own homes and have no fondness for yard work, but do it on a regular basis because it has to be done. Neither of the women smoke.

 

Woman "A":

does not do any formal/structured exercise on a regular basis, says she doesn't have time

is on medication for high blood pressure & high cholesterol

is divorced and happily single

 

Woman "B"

does cardio & strength training at the gym 2-4x per week and about 2 hrs. of yoga per week

has normal bp & low cholesterol levels

is happily married

 

One of these women stands about 5'6" and weighs maybe 130lbs. She is average or smaller-than-average size

 

The other stands about 5'5" and weighs a bit over 200lbs. She is larger-than-average.

 

Now, is woman "A" the fat or thin one? How about woman "B"?

 

If you think the fat woman is the divorced non-exerciser who is taking meds for high bp & cholesterol, you are..................wrong.

 

I'm the fat woman. I'm also the married one who exercises & has normal bp & low cholesterol.

 

The thin woman is the receptionist where I work.

 

My point (and I realize it doesn't make a lot of sense out of context and in this thread, but I am tired of arguing with people) is that you cannot tell how healthy someone is by looking at them. You cannot tell anything about their lifestyle and activities by just looking at them. Yet, many of you will make the assumption that fat automatically equals "unhealthy" and thin automatically equals "healthy." Many of you will assume the fat woman does nothing but sit on the couch watching TV and stuffing her face with junk food and you will treat her differently because of these incorrect assumptions.

 

As I have read in so many different books these past few months...it is not weight in and of itself that causes health issues....it is a SEDENTARY LIFESTYLE that causes health issues.

 

Health At Every Size is a much saner and healthier way to look at these things:

link removed

[shes2smart]

Dangerous When Cornered

 

 

 

It's been an exceptionally irritating 24 hours, and I am feeling quite hassled, pressured and pushed. The words "murderous rage" are just a start to describe where I'm at right now. Good thing my job consists of sitting in a small room by myself for the majority of my work hours. Cause I'm really feelin' like ripping just about everybody's head off with my bare hands right about now.

 

I injured my wrist doing yard work this weekend, so I have this horrible little wrist brace which is making my life difficult. It's not helping my mood. It makes typing and writing well nigh to impossible, so I can't even deal with the BS in the way that I typically do.

 

The world would do well to stay out of my way today....

[shes2smart]

Would That I Could Turn Back The Clock

 

I want to go back to a time when my time was completely my own. Where I had NO obligations other than showing up at work...and I only had that obligation because I like getting a paycheck on a regular basis. Where I had no one to answer to but myself. Where there there weren't multiple people making demands of me.

 

When does the story end?

[shes2smart]

After The Storm Comes The Rainbow

 

Sometimes the crap has to get churned up and washed away to start with a clean slate. Gathering up and taking out the garbage is never a pleasant job...particularly if it hasn't been done in a while. But it's something that needs to be done.

 

It is Thursday, and nearly time for the weekend again. We are throwing a party on Saturday, so I will soon be up to my eyeballs in activity preparing for that.

 

I had a dream the other night about someone I was involved with in college. Don't remember much of the dream, just that he was in it. And I started trying to remember things about that relationship....and I really couldn't. Couldn't remember how I met him, couldn't remember why I was so stupidly attracted to him, couldn't remember much of anything that happened. Even the pain and agony of that time was really blurry and out of focus. It all took place a little over 20 years ago, and it's puzzling to me how it's pretty much like a non-event in my mind now. It seemed so important and heart-wrenching and not-get-overable at the time....

 

Even someone I dated for nearly a year 13 years ago....that seems so...distant and fuzzy now. At the time, I can recall it feeling so important and earth-shattering. Now, it's almost like it happened to someone else I'm so removed from it. I remember a bit of the break-up. What I remember is saying, "So...you see yourself as damaged goods? I don't see myself that way, I don't see you that way. But if that's all you can see, I don't need to be here anymore to try and change your view. Only you can do that."

 

But that's really all I remember of the break-up. If I look in my journal from then, though, I see scrawling and ranting and raving of someone who was very distraught indeed.

 

I guess this could be seen as good news for someone suffering in a current broken-hearted phase. Time really does take the worst of it away if you let it...and if you don't keep picking at your wounds. Either that or I have managed to kill off the brain cells that stored all those events with various activities and aging.

 

Senility isn't so bad.....

[shes2smart]

There's A Dog In Our Back Yard

 

The other morning as I was having breakfast, I hear a dog barking its head off. Now, I get a little concerned, because it sounded very nearby. Our neighbors have an link removed, and he doesn't bark much. In fact, he's a pretty smart dog. He figured out after seeing us 2 or 3 times that we were supposed to be in our yard. So, anytime he does start barking, it's a pretty good bet something's not right.

 

I noticed both of my cats were parked in front of the sliding glass door just STARING out at the back yard. So I looked to see what was so interesting to them. Standing on the outside of the glass looking at the cats and barking its head off was a black and white dog.

 

This puzzled me to no end because our back yard is completely fenced.

 

The dog saw me approach the door and took off to the side of the house. However it got into our back yard, it used the same way to get out and run away. But not before giving my cats quite the show. I could almost hear them saying, "Yeah, that was cool and all...but can we have some canned food this morning? We'd really like some of that canned stuff. You don't feed us canned food nearly as much as we'd like. So, now that the barking dog's gone, ya think you could haul your butt into the kitchen and crack open one of those cans of cat food for us? We'd do it, but we don't have opposable thumbs."

[shes2smart]

Diet Soda Is Not Your Friend

 

From a book recommended by my dietician. She hates the title, but loves the content. From link removed - Marc David (emphasis mine):

 

 

 

Put down the Frankenfood. Eat the real stuff. Your body is designed to digest the real stuff. It doesn't really know what to do with the Frankenfood.

 

I'm pretty much off carbonated beverages of any type, anyway. The only time I really crave soda is when we have pizza. Otherwise, I stick with water.

[shes2smart]

More Kitty Drama

 

As we were getting ready for work this morning, we heard this odd, low-pitched yowl from one of the cats. Thinking they were messing around with each other, we went to investigate and break it up. Turns out they weren't messing with each other, but announcing the presense of an intruder to our yard.

 

My gray & white boy cat was crouched with his nose pressed against the sliding glass door, fur standing on end, growling at a black cat who was on the sitting on the patio in front of the sliding glass door with his little nose pressed up to the outside of the glass. Our tiger cat was a few feet back from the sliding door, in the entryway to the kitchen, with her fur all standing on end and growling at the intruder, too.

 

Since our cats weren't tearing up each other and there wasn't a way for them to get out or the black cat to get in, we left them to sort it out amongst themselves. Eventually, the black cat wandered off.

 

How the heck are these animals getting into a fenced back yard? Last week it was that dog, now this. Betcha the gray and white cat is still sitting in front of the sliding glass door watching when I come home this afternoon.

 

We threw a party over the weekend. It seemed to go well. Even managed to pawn off the leftovers on some of the departing guests. Someday, I swear, I will learn the proper amount of food to buy for these events. There wasn't as much stuff leftover as the last party (and we had about the same amount of people), but I still bought too much. I wouldn't mind a few leftovers...better to have a little extra than run out...but an amount that could be dispensed with in a day or two of normal eating...not another week's worth of sliced turkey and roast beef.

 

It took a while to loosen up at yoga last night. Don't know why. I feel ok today (not sore like last week), but it is still early. Fortunately, it is also massage day today. 6 more hours to go til appointment time....not that I'm counting or anything.

[shes2smart]

"I Read The News Today....."

 

...oh, boy.

 

link removed

 

I realize this will mean little, if anything, to folks outside the business. Even for folks in the business, it won't mean as much as it does to me on a personal level....having lived through what I did. It has been literally years I have kept telling myself the day would come...and what was sown would be reaped.

 

Looks like the harvest is starting to come in. I am close enough to get a decent view, yet far enough away that it won't splatter on me when it really hits the fan. I hope it will splatter mostly on those who sorely deserve it, and not so much on the innocent bystanders.

 

Once again, it is proven to me that I am divinely guided and divinely guarded.

[shes2smart]

Wrap Your Mind Around This

 

Normally, I don't give a horse's behind for celebrities and what they're doing, but I did have this thought a while back.

 

link removed is from the same hometown I am. Years ago, the local paper had done some feature article on her and I recall reading that she had a pre-teen/teenage crush on a particular actor. Flash forward a few years and she's dating that actor, then getting knocked up by said actor, and tomorrow, she'll be marrying him.

 

How weird would that be? To do what most pre-teens fantasize about doing with their favorite singer/musician/actor...to actually be in a relationship with that person you wallpapered your 12- or 13-year-old self's bedroom with?

 

Is it just me or is that a really odd concept to ponder?

 

I mean, if things had turned out differently, I coulda been married to one of the link removed.

[shes2smart]

Me? A Gamer Geek?

 

Alright, so about a month ago, my husband got a 2 week trial subscription to link removed about a month ago. After about a week and half, he upgraded to the full program/full subscription. During this entire time, I've been sitting next the computer watching him play. I found it oddly fascinating, although I've never been into these types of games.

 

After weeks of watching him play, asking questions, helping him look for stuff and so forth, I started playing this weekend. I think this might be a mistake, but it's a little late to stop now.

 

I created my character (a Night Elf Druid) late Saturday. As of this morning I am about halfway through level 8. My husband's character is a level 31 Human Warrior. He sent me a lot of stuff my character could use in the in-game e-mail, so that saved me some time finding those items or earning game money to buy those items.

 

It's weird because neither of us thought I'd take to it as well as I have. The main topic of conversation yesterday was the game....when we weren't taking turns actually playing the game. He's geeked that I'm getting into it because it's something we can sort of do together now. Well, as much as you can when you can't both get online at the same time due to the fact that we only have one computer.

 

No, we are not getting another computer so we can both go online and play World of Warcraft at the same time. We have decent sharing skills and our work schedules are different enough that we each have plenty of time to play. That, and we both like watching the other person play.

 

We spent most of the day yesterday playing the game in between raking leaves and going out to lunch. Today, I keep thinking of the last quest I went on where I had to kill all the spiders and get a spider egg.

 

I will say this...it is a dandy distraction from real life...and we both have some big issues blowing up right now. I am dealing with demands to have contact with family that I cut out of my life 7 years ago. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I don't want to re-establish contact with them. I'm fine with the way things are. To sum it up, I feel bad that I don't feel worse about it...if that makes sense. With him, it's the on-going "the ex wife quit paying on the house and skipped town" drama. We decided it's time to consult a lawyer about that because the bank doesn't seem to be doing squat to find her.

 

Maybe it's no big surprise I've immersed myself in the "Sims-with-killin'" that is World of Warcraft. When things went south with my last bf and there was a lot of stress, I got the Sims game and immersed myself in playing Sims. I look back at it now, and realize it was probably equal parts learning a new program, enjoying the game itself (mostly the "bulidng and decorating houses" part), and pure escapism from what I needed to deal with. Eventually, I couldn't escape anymore and had to deal with stuff....and when I did, playing Sims got, well, boring.

 

So, is it surprising that I wonder how much of my interest in being a Night Elf Druid in World of Warcraft has to do with checking out of the reality of dealing with the pile o'crap that's cropped up?

 

I think not.

[shes2smart]

Hooray For Quiet Holidays

 

My Thanksgiving: played World of Warcraft (WoW), raked leaves in the back yard for the last time this season, played WoW, made our Thanksgiving meal (a chili recipe featuring cubed pork and mild green chiles with cornbread on the side), let the chili cook, played WoW, ate the chili, went to the movies (Borat....and left the theatre wondering why people are saying that movie is sooooo funny), came home, watched Survivor and CSI, played WoW (my character leveled up to 12), went to bed.

 

No family, no family drama, no house full o'people, no stuffed-to-the-gills-full-to-bursting after eating, no stress, no pressure, no BS.

 

Christmas will be the same....only the meal will change...and there won't be leaf raking....and I wouldn't pay to see that stupid Borat movie again.

 

Talked to our lawyer Wednesday about the ex-wife quit paying on the house situation. All our options suck. Big time. That rhymes-with-witch better hope I never have to speak with her, as I don't believe I could remain civil. So, now we are sorting through trying to figure out which is the least objectionable of these sucky options. The bottom line is ALL the options require some cash....it's just a matter of how much is it going to cost to get out of this mess.

 

It's only money....and money is one of the easiest things to welcome into your life. I know this. I've had it demonstrated to me numerous times in the last 15 years. This is just a very advanced course in the same lesson.

 

So, I go back to the belief system that's served me so well...my Religious Science lessons...affirmative prayer... (if interested/curious, there's more info here: link removed)

 

There is one power, one prescence, one divine creative mind. Universe expresses through me and co-creates this life experience with me. Spirit watches over me and always provides the tools necessary to navigate through the lessons it presents. The Universe always provides. Secure in this knowledge, I move forward in faith that things are unfolding in their right and perfect way. Divine Intelligence is orchestrating events and conditions that will bring about the Highest Good for me and for all involved. Knowing that I am Divinely guided and Divinely guarded, I release all stress and worry, and trust that the matter is taken care of by Divine Intelligence. I accept the right and perfect solution into my life, knowing that I am beloved child of the Universe and am always cared for.

And so it is.

[shes2smart]

Exploring the World....

 

..of Warcraft. My character reached level 17 yesterday. This game is like crack cocaine. All we (me and my husband) have done the last 2 weeks is go to work and play the game. On the plus side, it is saving us money because we're not going out spending anything other than the monthly subscription fee for the game. We'd rather stay home and take turns playing the game. His character is at level 36. He's been playing about 4 weeks longer than I have, so that's why the discrepancy.

 

If you woulda told me 6 months ago I'd be this into this stupid game, I'd have laughed and asked what drugs you were taking. I'm tellin' ya, this game is taking over my brain. I am still hopeful there will come a point where we both start to burn out on it and move onto something else. It might take a while, though because this keeps evolving/changing and it doesn't really end.

 

I wouldn't let a kid anywhere near this game. Not because of content or anything like that. Simply from a standpoint of the highly addictive nature of it. In the past, I've had my own addiction issues (food-related), so I know a little bit about addiction...and this game...oh, jeez. Like I said before...crack cocaine. Sometimes, I've noticed that it is a struggle to keep it in its proper place in life, and I should know better. I refuse to be one of those people who get so addicted to playing WoW that the rest of my life goes down the toliet. I've seen news stories about people like that, and I don't want to go there.

 

The scary thing is, I can completely understand how (if not entirely why) something like that could happen with this game.

 

Y'know, I've also seen stories about couples who have broken up over this game. One partner (usually the male) starts playing the game and spends less and less time on maintaining the relationship. In our case, it's something we are able to share, since we're both playing. Only way the game is gonna cause a fight is if one or the other of us starts hogging the computer and not letting the other one play. Now, that could result in bloodshed.

[shes2smart]

Prayers Answered

 

Heard from our lawyer yesterday. He learned that the bank found my husband's ex....thanks to some of the info I dug up on Google. Her reason for not paying and not keeping in touch with her creditor was so uniquely bizarre as to create a mixture of amazement and amusement. It left us (me, my husband and our lawyer) wondering if she really is that stupid or if she just said the first thing that popped into her head. My husband is voting for "really is that stupid." Out of the three of us, he knows her best, so I imagine there's some truth to that.

 

Yet again, things have a way of resolving themselves. I do what I can do, and then let go of the rest...and that works out pretty well.

 

Yesterday I had my last session with the dietician. She is there if I fall off the wagon again, but I'm strong enough now to handle things alone. And that, my friends, is the whole point of therapy: to get you to a point where you can handle whatever comes your way. There will always be drama and situations and just plain crap happening. And anyone who expects therapy to make those things go away is going to be disappointed.

 

In spite of all the drama in the last few weeks, life's still really good now and I know that and am consciously aware of it most of the time.

 

Can't ask for more than that.

[shes2smart]

The Game That Ate My Brain

 

Level 20 attained? Check. Shapeshift abilities for bear, sea lion and cat attained? Check. Resurrection spell attained? Check. 100 proficiency at staves, daggers and unarmed combat? Check.

 

Having a life outside of World of Warcraft? Failing miserably.

 

Well, not exactly. It's exaggerated for comedic purposes...but not by much. I did manage to get both bathrooms cleaned and swiffered all the bare floor in the house. The litter boxes got cleaned, and I did manage to cook a few meals through the weekend....and go to work. But it was all undertaken with an eye toward getting it done so I could go back to playing WoW.

 

Discovered one of my co-workers also plays WoW. Had lunch with him and my husband about a week ago and talked WoW for, like, hours. It was pathetic...but do I care? No. The three of us were having a great time.

 

Incidentally...this isn't quite as evil as WoW....but it's close: link removed.

[shes2smart]

Breaking In New Birkenstocks

 

In a word, breaking in new Birkenstocks sucks. Big time. It's like having a wooden block strapped to each foot. I have a pair of brown Birkenstock clogs. I got them last year and broke them in and they're great now. I freakin' love 'em. I got a pair of black Birkenstock clogs and today is, like, the 3rd time I've worn them and they're horrible...but only because they're not broken in yet. I know of no way to speed the break-in process other than just being more stubborn than the damn shoes.

 

Yesterday, I was doing a remote for work and I could've sworn I saw my ex walk into the place. If it wasn't him (and it probably wasn't...as far as I know he still lives a good 200-250 miles from here), it coulda been his twin. What made it really odd was he walked in and was heading toward where we were set up, then he saw the big backdrop with the station logo and immediately turned and went the opposite direction. Whatever. The bottom line is that if it was him, he had the great good sense to leave me alone. That suits me just fine.

 

WoW had the game offline doing upgrades most of the day yesterday. Figures. I had a good chunk of time yesterday evening to play, and I couldn't. I went to the gym instead...replied to a few emails...made dinner...and kept trying to log in when the scheduled end of the upgrade & maintenance time approached. Apparently, I wasn't the only one obsessively trying to get into the game as soon as they came back online. I base that conclusion on the comments I saw in the chat window once I did get logged in.

 

Well....at least I went to the gym, huh?

 

The company I used to work for was recently put under contract for sale (details here), and the job cuts have begun. 10 positions in this market, 20 at another major market in the state, more in other locations. It was already pretty much a skeleton crew where I used to work...and I left there nearly 3 years ago. So, I kinda wonder what's gonna happen there. What could possibly be left to cut? Maybe there isn't anything...they already pretty much gutted most of the locations that weren't in the top 50 markets years ago. So, now they're cutting what they have left to cut...which is jobs in the larger markets.

 

Yeah...I'm on the train here til it crashes. That could be a few weeks, a few months, a year or I could even retire from here....but when this gig ends, I think it's time to go do something else. The number of radio stations actually being owned/operated/run by broadcasters/radio people is dwindling every year. Non-broadcasters don't really get this industry or the creative-types who work in it.

 

Nearly every good radio person I've worked with in over 20 years has been fired from a "normal" job for having a "bad attitude." The normal working world doesn't get us and our smart aleck remarks. We've had a refuge in this industry (and been able to hold down jobs and make a living) for years, but I think the days lots of us can do that are numbered. Where does it go from here?

 

The thing is, I'm not all too concerned about that. Here's why: I trust that no matter what happens, I'll be able to handle it and a path will be shown to me when its time. I have co-workers who live their lives with a great degree of paranoia and fear these days...expecting the worst to happen at any moment. I refuse to live that way. Because I know I'll be just fine no matter what.

 

I haven't been brought this far to be dropped cold with no safety net.

[shes2smart]

The Miracle Of Eating Solid Food...

 

...and having a properly functioning digestive system. It's a small thing you really take for granted until it gets horribly disrupted by something like, say, a stomach flu.

 

Wednesday night I started feeling kinda sick and pukey. Spent most of the night spewing the contents of my digestive system out of one end or the other in a most violent and disgusting manner. Spent the next 24 or so hours after that physically wiped out and afraid to eat or drink anything. Just got back on bland solid foods yesterday. And thirsty...I can't freakin' get enough liquid.

 

Nothing like that to make you appreciate a body that functions properly the vast majority of the time. Yes, I felt so crappy that I wasn't even playing WoW because I felt too sick. All I wanted to do was sleep. Now, I am making up for that lost WoW-time. I have done little else today. The only exception was taking the gray & white cat to the vet...and he was his usual drama queen self about it, even though he was semi-sedated.

 

I need to get a life.

[shes2smart]

When Did That Change?

 

As I have gotten older, I've had this happen with increasing frequency. I will see other folks younger than me dealing with stuff I went through. I will notice the actions/attitudes they take that actually make the situation worse, and I will wonder why they are making those choices. Then I will realize I did very similar things when I was younger.

 

So, I was thinking about some stuff on the way to work this morning, and I got to wondering, "When did serenity/calm/peace become more appealing and important to me than drama?" Because I can remember a time when I was really into the drama (and creation of drama).

 

My former co-worker called me last night and gave me the scoop on what's happening where I used to work. Again, it all sounded vaguely familiar -- the names have changed and the specific details of situations have changed, but it's just an advanced course of the same crap that has been going on there since I entered the picture 23 years ago. I just remember a time when all that drama seemed normal to me. There was a time when I liked (?) being there. Now I hear about it and all I can say to her is, "You need to get outta there...it's f'ed up."

 

And yet, I know people my age and older who still feed off creating and living drama...so this preference for calm and quiet isn't something that just comes with age. At some point, some conscious decisions have to be made -- to do things differently, to look at things differently, to realize that drama does nothing but distract from the real reasons we are here.

 

So, when, exactly, did I make those decisions? And why? And why are there some folks my age and older who still choose to ride the rollercoaster...all the while complaining about all the crap they bring down on themselves?

[shes2smart]

Well, Poop.......

 

Yet again, I am not unique. Much to my chagrin, I am only part of a trend.

 

link removed

[shes2smart]

Just In Case You're Curious

 

1300 points from level 26, thanks for asking. I should level up tonight, although I have pretty much topped out on alchemy skill points. The next alchemy trainer I have to go to is in an area that's surrounded by level 45-49 stuff. That trip might have to wait a while.

 

P.S. I know you're NOT curious and don't care about my World of Warcraft life...but just let me have my illusions.

[shes2smart]

It's Saving Me Money?

 

Unexpected benefit to playing World of Warcraft. It's saving us money. Really. Tomorrow will mark 4 weeks I've been playing. Other than work and trips to the gym and yoga class, I really don't leave the house much anymore.

 

That means:

>I'm using less gas driving around

>I'm spending less money since I'm not wandering aimlessly around stores remembering things we supposedly "need"

>We're less likely to go out to eat (a big downfall of ours) because it's cutting into game time, since only one of us can play at a time, the other is available to fix food we already bought that's at home.

 

It sounds like some lame justification/rationalization, but I'm looking at my checking account on this non-payday Friday and trying to figure out why I still have that much money. I have triple checked -- all the bills I needed to pay out of the last check have been paid, so it's not like I forgot to pay a bill.

 

The only thing that's changed in the last month is that I started playing WoW along with my husband....and that has resulted in us being home a lot more....which means we're less likely to be out spending money.

 

Strange, but it makes sense. Can't think of any other reason I'd still have this much money in my checking account on a non-payday Friday....