Please help

[desi_hartmann]

I am 18 years old and my i guess now ex-boyfriend is 19, we dated for almost 8 months and he broke up with me last night. The phone conversation was started by me because I wanted to fix a problem we have been having for awhile now. But he decided that there was something missing in our relationship and that he thinks that we should start over as just friends so we can fix the problem. Is this possible? Or is he just saying it to make me feel better. He said that he still loves me, but not as much as I love him. I am not sure about that because to me I think he is running away from how serious our relationship has become. He had bad experience with an ex-girlfriend who left him for another guy after their relationship of 2 years. He doesnt trust me because of that because he thinks i will do the same thing. I want to be his friend more than anything and i will learn to make it work, but right now i wish he would just come over a give me a huge hug and a kiss and tell me everything is ok. If he comes over and apologizes and says he wants to be with me what should I do???

[Shy_Guy]

Probably the single biggest issue that you've alluded to that can damage or destroy any relationship is that of trust.

 

He obviously has trust issues - have there been any incidents between you two that compromise that trust, stemming either from him OR you? At the ages of 18 and 19, normally I would say that a serious, committed, long-term relationship resulting in marriage is unlikely, but then my wife and I were the same ages as you when we met, and we were married three years later. It does happen, just not every day.

 

Have you broken up before? Was it caused by the same problem that caused THIS breakup?

 

The in the ebb and flow of any relationship, you will feel varying amounts of love for the other party. This is normal, especially at this stage of your respective lives. Whether together or not, in five years your life will probably have little semblance to your life as it stands now.

 

In reality, if you've done nothing to break his trust of you, you'll need to make sure to be positive, and discuss this with him. You need to point out to him that you're not his last girlfriend, and you'll need to try to draw out of him what caused him to feel as though he needed to end things. Try do discuss it calmly. This is a very emotional issue, but it can't be discussed with raw emotion.

 

Can you step back and then step forward again? Maybe, although I personally wouldn't place any large wagers on it...

 

If he calls to apologize you'll still need to have a heart to heart talk. Discuss your feelings, your goals, and where you see yourselves, whether together or separate in five or ten years. You do need to address the trust issues, whether real or imagined.

 

Sorry I couldn't give you an unequivocal answer, but it's the best I can do.

 

Good luck.