Do you absolutely need someone in your life to feel complete?

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I agree with KevinT, but he and I for the most part are on the same wave length with regards to this subject.

 

I will never be convinced of "needing to complete yourself" before you allow someone else to complete you, that you can be happy once you find yourself. That works for people who want to... find themselves. People who want to love, look for love. People who want to complete themselves, search for completing themselves. Two different goals.

 

Sorry to say, buit I think this whole "complete unto you before others complete you" theory is just an affirmation to give us something to do instead of banging our heads on the walls out of sheer utter bitter loneliness. Believe me, I've worn out my 4 walls.

 

It all depends on the individual, that's why we have different views on what makes us complete on this planet.

 

Others may believe in completing within the self before completing with another, but not me. I am in tremendous pain right now and this whole "being complete" stuff won't put a dent in it. I've "self improved" over the last two years and I am still as miserable as I was when I was incomplete because I don't have someone to SHARE everything with. Yeah, that's a new sig idea, perthinks. If I didn't want to care, then I wouldn't want to share. Nah, too corny.

[bulletproof]

Complete isn't the correct word. Happy is. Because if you're miserable, you won't attract anyone. Do you want to hang out with someone who's miserable? I know I don't.

 

It's just common sense. When you see a bitter person who is unhappy, does that make you want to enter into a relationship with him/her? Of course not. THAT's the part that needs fixing. Forget completing the self, blah blah blah. You have to find a way to be happy without someone else making that happen for you.

 

It has nothing to do with individual views or opinions on what makes a person happy. It has to do with psychology, and biology, and the rules of attraction, all of which are based in fact, and not some self-oriented observation. Fact: people, for the most part, are drawn to those that are happy and content with themselves.

 

What have you been doing to self-improve for the past two years? Maybe it wasn't the right approach. Maybe you need two more years. Who knows? But blaming your lonliness and unhappiness on external factors (there's no one to share it with) is just avoiding the responsibility. Only you are responsible. Not some unknown entity that isn't there to share it with you.

[Kevin T]

Whoa. I completely agree with that.

 

It's so true.

 

Being negative only draws more negativity. Besides, having self-defeating beliefs will automatically disqualify even the best looking of guys from getting with a decent girl. Unless you want someone extremely depressed, suicidal and miserable, it's best to try and put on a happy face and smile. (Easier said than done, since I don't always follow my own advice on this, but I know it's true.)

 

But I do stand firm that I (like most people, whether they are brave enough to admit it or not), do need someone in my life to be 'complete.' Happy? Well, yes and no. To be happy romantically? Of course. To be happy with my life overall as a whole? No, because I have many other good things going on. But it WOULD be nice to have someone else to share it with.

[unluckyguy]

I think that you can be complete without a partner and you can definitly be happy without being in a long term relationship. However I think that being in a relationship adds a new dimension to life, I like the idea of doing all the things I love with someone I love, sharing my life and sharing in my partners is something that I think will make life more enjoyable for me.

[AzureSkyes69]

I don't think a partner can or should complete you.you have to be complete yourself,I think they should enrich your life in a positive way and you enrich theirs.

I think you can be happy without a partner in your life,If your choose to be happy that is...You can either make your mind up to be happy or live your life in loneliness and misery..the choice is yours.

[Kevin T]

I wonder if we would get different results if we asked this question in a less egocentric, individualistic society?

[Alabama]

I've wondered about that before. I don't think so. Life isn't simply defined by love is the end to all things. Yes, it is definitely something nice to have in your life, but we alone can complete who we are and life a good life, nonetheless. All we need is ourselves to make life as we wish.

[jchan]

You have to look to yourself for happiness, having someone in your life doesn't necessarily complete your life. Yes, it'd be nice to have someone to share the experiences of the high times, the trials and tribulations, but it all boils down to how YOU deal with the things that come up in your journey.

[Kevin T]

Looks like the "I's" have it!

[ALfirebird]

being alone is the most painful thing for me in my life.

[MissDashwood]

So I'm getting annoyed now, really annoyed, because I am almost 19 and in college and I have no prospects AT ALL for a boyfriend. And it's not so much that I'm desperate just to have a boyfriend to have one, I've just never had one before and I want to feel what it's like to be in a relationship and have someone who can be just as interested in me as I am in them! But is there any chance for that soon????? NOOOOOO!! I have fallen for one person before who . . . well it's a long, winding, depressing, complicated mess. Then there's this one kid who I met here in college who seems to only be interested in being friends, and even then he's not the greatest at being friends either. And then there's this one other guy back home who is a neighbor whom I have NO interest in at all and is sorta odd as I learned he has a kind of crush on me, but again, no interest. And even so, he has a girlfriend yet still manages to make questionable comments and wants to arrange for a time to come visit me at my college!

 

I'm tired of watching other people couple up and find people to do things with and hang around while I sit around with no one except random female friends or the one guy friend I have who manages to not be the greatest at being that either! And then there's this extremely nice, wonderful guy who is fawning over this one girl who already has a major boyfriend whom she doesn't plan on leaving at all, yet he's still fawning over her; it's a waste of a nice guy!!

 

What the heck! I'm tired of it. Guys my age (between 18 and 22) are just not that bright and too oblivious to anyone but their own selves! And guys older than that are so much better, but they're already on to different things. What the heck! It's annoying. Why do girls have to mature faster and be normal and want REAL relationships at 19 when guys that age simply CANNOT provide!!!!????

 

Can you tell I'm annoyed about this?

 

And now that I've actually read some of these posts after my raving, regarding "loving yourself first and not needing someone to complete you Why is someone not allowed to say that they are unhappy not being in a relationship? I'm not happy that I'm not in a relationship. I want one. It doesn't mean I don't love myself and that I can't be happy on my own. I've been a pretty solitary person for a while. I'm in college now but I was an only child with divorced parents, and the one I lived with worked all the time - I grew up with myself. I know how to be alone for long periods of time. I'm tired of it. Now that I'm in college things are a lot better. Except I don't have anyone to enjoy all the fun things I'm doing. So I'm unhappy. I have friends and I talk to them and we go around doing tons of stuff, but I don't have that one person I can run to and spend time with who can add that extra feeling of wonder to everything. And I want that. I had someone for a short while who made my days a lot brighter and now that I don't have him around anymore, my days are a rather darker shade of bleak, thank you. And I want that to change.

[Batya33]

When I was 19 I met men as follows:

 

After I broke up with a high school sweetheart, I met a guy (two years older) at college - I believe at a singles event sponsored by the college. We dated for a few months. The next guy - who was 24 I met through my friend who was friendly with his younger brother - that lasted 8 months, lovely guy. The next guy was not until I was 20 and I met him through a personal ad in a newspaper. We dated for two years.

 

I went on dates with several other guys - met them through set ups, personal ads, at singles dances and parties, mostly. I was reasonably attractive (I am more attractive now in part because I am more confident than I was then) but nothing approaching model looks. I was very outgoing, always ready to go to different events and was constantly meeting friends of friends. I did a neat internship with people from the best colleges, all over the country and made lasting friendships that way.

 

I tried not to get too hung up on crushes such that I hampered my efforts at meeting more people. I did not pursue men and let them do most of the asking, planning and initiating. Generally, I was treated nicely and with respect. Those men who didn't or who didn't seem interested I kept mostly off my radar screen.

 

That's just my experience. I hear that you are unhappy, I agree that a relationship enhances your life if it is a healthy one, and I think that you could be doing more to get out there and meet people than you are doing now. You seem to be spending an inordinate amount of time focused on a guy who for whatever reason is not reciprocating right now. That is a safe way to be - if you claim to be pining away you don't have to be out there doing fun activities and meeting people - but safe doesn't always result in a relationship that is healthy.

[cecerose]

Do you absolutely need someone in your life to feel complete?

 

The short answer is "No," for many of the reasons many people have given here.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I think this happiness without someone stuff applies when it's by your choice. If you are looking for someone and cannot find them, that frustration builds up and builds up and sometimes turns into bitterness. I was happy without someone when I wanted to be by myself. Now, I don't want to be by myself and I am frustrated and unhappy.