Do you absolutely need someone in your life to feel complete?

[AloneAgain2006]

For me I do. Life is boring and empty without someone to share it with. I have my hobbies, friends, family, and activities that can keep me occupied. However it's not the same feeling when you are not spending it with someone.

 

I'm not the clingy type but would love to spend most of my free time with a person I connect with. Finding and sharing/spending the rest of my life with my 'Soulmate' is probably the only way I can die happy in life. If I never do find her then I would feel as if my life never lived up to its happiness.

[shelbymustang_fan]

I agree with you. I also can have loads of fun by myself, but having someone special to share times with can make life much more fulfilling. Even if I don't enjoy a particular activity, It is always fun to do with someone else because its not about what you do together, how much money is spent...etc. It is about the time you spend together.

[rose2summer]

No, you should never need someone in your life to feel complete. You are only ready for a relationship when you are ready to give in abundance not to receive in return. Yes, it's fun to have someone love you in return and enjoy their company but it should never be a necessity.

[thursday]

I would love to think like you rose2summer, but it's hard when you have spent 2.5 years of your entire life (18 years) with someone you _thought_ was deeply connected with you.

 

However I'm starting to give up on 'feeling connected' to someone, it's all useless and imaginary because they'll let you down in the end. It's really hard for me to trust someone ever again thanks to my ex who has chosen to never contact me again without even saying goodbye. No friends, no anything. She told me she has no time & no liking to meet me ever again, isn't that just -waw- ? LoL

Back then, of course, it was heaven. GRMBL, that's what makes it so hard to move on without that "special someone". I hate her deeply.

[shes2smart]

No, you don't need someone in your life to feel complete.

 

In fact, if you go on the assumption that you're not complete without a partner, you're also believing on some level that you're not a whole person on your own.

 

Break-ups suck. No getting around that. But they are survivable, and unless you get in your own way, you can go on to trust another person, become involved in other relationships....and they can be just as emotionally deep and intimate as your last one. If you learned anything at all from your most recent relationship, you will bring that forward to future relationships....which actually makes you more able to be more fully involved.

 

I was with my college bf for 7 years. I was devastated when we broke up when I was 27. There were 2 other long term relationships I got involved in after that....both were devastating upon break-up for different reasons -- one guy was an alcoholic, the other guy cheated on me.

 

Through those experiences, I learned that, yes, as a matter of fact, I am whole and complete on my own. I don't need anyone else in my life to make me feel loved, happy, fulfilled, secure, content and at peace.

 

I didn't meet the guy I would marry til I was 37. We got married shortly after my 38th birthday. By that time, I was certain I'd never meet someone I could have my definition of an ideal relationship with. I set about arranging my life as if I would be single for the duration -- drawing up a will, arranging retirement money, planning to buy a house or condo on my own and so forth.

 

Oddly enough, knowing and believing you are whole and complete on your own makes you a much more desirable relationship partner. You bring a lot more to the relationships you do choose to become involved in. Thinking you need someone else to make you "complete" means any relationship you get involved in has an element of unhealthy dependency or neediness -- not something to build a solid foundation on.

 

If my marriage crashed and burned for whatever reason, yes, I'd be devastated. But I also know that, hard as it would be, I'd be perfectly capable of going on with my life without him....and capable of being happy and content with my life and becoming involved in other relationships in the future, if I chose to. That's the type of security that knowing and believing you are whole and complete by yourself gives you.

[Dako]

Sometimes I wonder if being alone completes me.

As a newly-minted singleton, I feel like I've graduated from a lonnnnng education and now am ready for something, but all I can think of is that pesky love thing, putting me at risk again.

[FoxLocke]

You should always be complete PRIOR to inviting someone else into your life. No one can fill a void for you. You have to do that yourself. Because there are going to be times in life when you are alone...

 

To quote Roberta Sparrow from Donnie Darko, "Every living thing dies alone..."

 

We come in this world alone and we go out alone. It is nice to have someone else, I won't lie. But you have to learn to be with yourself first. Don't depend on someone else for your happiness.

[Luke Skywalker]

Well, if you go to church, be part of a spiritual community like that, and perhaps set some time aside to do volunteer work, then you will likely feel better. But, to be honest, Jesus is the answer for these type of problems, when you give your life to God, then everything you do, or say can be offered to God as a sacrifice, and thereforeeee, meaning and purpose can be created. Best thing to do is seek God out and focus on finding Him and what HIs purpose is in your life.

[thursday]

I agree, doing volunteer work or donating money to good causes does really help you to feel better, I would definitely recommend that!

 

..and capable of being happy and content with my life and becoming involved in other relationships in the future, if I chose to.

 

That would be kind of useless if you are totally happy with everything as it is (besides reproduction lol). If you don't need anyone but yourself I wouldn't risk starting a relationship with someone.

 

We are all on ourselves in the end, it's only the doubt that there is 'more' which makes us search for deeper happiness with another person I guess.

[renaissancewoman101]

I think having someone to share your life with is a great thing but it doesnt have to be the ONLY thing. As Foxlocke said, we come into this world alone and we depart from this world alone. We need to be happy with ourselves and we need to be able to do things as a single person without NEEDING to have someone with us. Having an unhealthy dependency is not a good thing and will repel those that we want to attract.

 

I know it is hard to not have someone in your life. Last Sept my ex broke up with me and that really hurt me badly. Just about a month ago I let my toxic best friend out of my life, the guy I had been depending on for the last 13 years of my life, the guy that I knew would be around after the ex left. My ex-best friend was toxic for me and although it was hard to let him go and is still very hard (I miss him a lot), it is for the best.

 

I dont really mind being alone a lot of times because I like to live alone, but there are times when I wish I could have someone to share in doing stuff with. We humans are both individuals and people who like to be with others.

[Sally00]

I was happy being single... you don't NEED someone, atleast when you're young.

But in the long run, I think you DO need somebody... somebody to spend the rest of your life with. Somebody to make you feel whole.

[Aurian]

While it is a good thing to be an active, self-fulfilled single, I do miss having someone who cares about me in my life. I see my parents, and I see my sister and her husband, and I want that for myself. A partner in life, who loves me, cares about me, and respects me (something my soon-to-be-ex-husband only pretended to do). I deserve someone to love and be loved by.

 

I won't put my life on hold waiting for that someone though. And I will strengthen my single self a good amount before I look for someone, lest I have a bad rebound relationship. But when I am ready, I do want that companionship that I thought I had.... except for real.

[Relationship Coach]

Need is such a strong word. Having someone in your life because you want to share your life experiences together is more fitting for me. I don't think having someone really completes you, it may be more fulfilling as opposed to being alone for some. The whole Jerry McGuire "You complete me" speech is Hollywood's attempt to capitalize on promotional catch phrases...like "Show Me The Money" which of course comes from the same movie.

 

If two complete individuals fall in love, that's a wonderful thing and now you have a complete couple. By naming your partner as the final puzzle piece that completes you as an individual just exposes there really is something else missing bigger than the puzzle itself.

 

RC

[Proactive Paradigm]

Yes. You'll never be whole alone.

[itsallgrand]

I've learned in some hard ways that a person can only feel complete if they so choose. It has nothing to do with how many friends you have, having a partner, having kids, whathaveyou.

 

To need someone else to feel complete means, to me, that the person has holes/has disowned parts of themself. Other people, loving them, is only really a reflection of ourselves in the end. We can never 'merge' with another - only relate. We are essentially alone - always!

 

I once was told to be careful who I give my love to and who I compliment. As a lesson on what love is actually about?

I learned,

Humans are really, really tricky about projecting ourselves onto others. It's easy to start to get filled up with seeing our own value, worth, love and want to right away put it onto someone else. That is not love. That is confusion.

 

Loving, to me, is about seeing someone for who they truly are, and loving them regardless. You can love anyone/anything!

The need is not about love - it's about need - careful about blurring the two, methinks.

[Daddy Bear]

how many of you "complete" people like to go to movies by yourselves? everything is better when shared. humans are social creatures and have always lived in groups. loners are creepy and tend to develop bizarre ideas without the benefit of a handy second opinion.

[brando]

I see what you mean bent.

[shes2smart]

how many of you "complete" people like to go to movies by yourselves? everything is better when shared. humans are social creatures and have always lived in groups. loners are creepy and tend to develop bizarre ideas without the benefit of a handy second opinion.

 

Lessee...when I was single, I vacationed alone (sample destinations: washington dc, las vegas, sedona, phoenix, lexington, tampa....). Found that to be enjoyable...sometimes moreso than when I'd gone on vacation with friends or an SO.

 

When I was single, I'd often treat myself to dinner at a nice restaurant...the kind of place you generally get dressed up to go to. Yes, I dressed up, and yes, I enjoyed those solo dinners quite a bit.

 

I'd also go to movies, plays, concerts and various other events people do in their free time with, and I enjoyed those experiences as much when I did them solo as when I've gone with other people. Sometimes, I've enjoyed them more going solo than with other people.

 

If you can't enjoy your own company, how can you expect anyone else to enjoy your company?

 

Sometimes, I miss all that. Fortunately, my work schedule and my husband's vary enough that I do get a good amount of "alone" time.

[Kevin T]

For me I do. Life is boring and empty without someone to share it with. I have my hobbies, friends, family, and activities that can keep me occupied. However it's not the same feeling when you are not spending it with someone.

 

I'm not the clingy type but would love to spend most of my free time with a person I connect with. Finding and sharing/spending the rest of my life with my 'Soulmate' is probably the only way I can die happy in life. If I never do find her then I would feel as if my life never lived up to its happiness.

 

Yes, I do.

 

Man was not designed to be alone, so to rebel against the original blueprint and design for humanity is to no longer be human. Or at the very least, it is to go not only against nature itself, but also against what is normal, natural and expected. It is also to discard natural affection and try and replace it with an egocentric, selfish, self-absorbed life of consumption. Not what I'd call truly "living."

 

I salute you for being honest enough to admit that you can't do it all on your own. No one can. Humans weren't designed to be an island unto themselves, nor were they designed to be completely independent of all else.

 

And don't feel bad for feeling the way you do. It's normal and you SHOULD!

[melrich]

Humans weren't designed to be an island unto themselves, nor were they designed to be completely independent of all else.

 

This statement is correct. Humans are social animals, used to social hierarchies and family bonding.

 

But you are taking this way out of context. Being single does not mean you have no social bonds. You have immediate family and friends. You will still live a "social" life unless you lock yourself in a house by yourself for eternity.

 

Being social creatures does not mean we are not complete without mates. You can get your "social" fixes from many other sources.

[Kevin T]

As important as friends and family are, they can't nor will they(nor should they) fill that specific spot in one's being.

[Daddy Bear]

somehow it's hard to accept that going to dinner or traveling the world with no one to talk to could be found superior to a rational person than having another person around to share the experience with--even harder to hear it from someone who's currently married.

 

don't get me wrong, S2S: i love my "me time", but your assertion seems incongruous and ironic when coupled with the facts that 1) you are married and living with a man, and 2) as i understand it, your chosen 'hobby' (with which i have no quarrel) requires the presense of at least two persons. correct me if i'm wrong on that point, i'm just going by what i've read in your posts.

[renaissancewoman101]

I agree with Shes2Smart, sometimes it is more fun to travel alone than with friends or a SO. When you travel alone, you can do whatever YOU want, stay wherever YOU want, etc. I have traveled around the US by myself and always had a good time exploring different cities.

 

As for eating out, I am uncomfortable with eating out alone. If I am alone, I would rather get take out and take it back to my place to eat.

[melrich]

As important as friends and family are, they can't nor will they(nor should they) fill that specific spot in one's being.

 

That's a whole other point. My point is simply don't use the fact that humans are social animals as evidence that humans need a life mate. The two things are mutually exclusive.

[Kevin T]

I will totally use that. It all goes by what you believe.

 

I can't help it if you don't agree with me.