How to trust him more

[thegirl_00]

I DON'T trust boyfriend. Not the least bit because of all the things he did to me right from the start of our relationship (I'm not even going to get into detail). He never cheated on me... but the way he was able to carelessly hurt me still makes me believe that he could. The only reason i kept him around was because I continued to believe him when he told me he wouldn't hurt me again.

 

The thing is, ALL the things he did to me were within the first month and a half of our relationship and we have now been goin out for 4 months. It has not been about 2 months and a half and I still don't trust him.

 

I don't want to break up with him because he's trying so hard now to get my trust back and I like him so much. I know that he likes me too and he does SOO many wonderful things for me so make me realize that he wont hurt me again but nothing seems to be good enough.

 

My question is, what can I do to trust him more? I've told myself to just forget about the past but it always comes back to haunt me and gives me a horrible sick feeling like im goina puke. The stress can't be healthy. I need some advice.

[Beec]

It will take time. Trust once lost is not easily regained.

 

However, realize that he is probably making efforts in a way that he is investing in you being around. You don't invest time and effort in something you want to fail.

[ElektraHere]

Im sorry but details would be nice here.

 

He broke that trust in the first month of you dating? Now it's at the 4 month mark. I don't know it sounds like the foundation of this relationship is very cracked. A cracked foundation = a house ready to implode.

 

Is the reason that you don't want to break up really because he is "trying" or is it because you dont want to be alone?

[Phoenix69]

I had the same issues with my NF when we first started going out, except he actually did cheat on me. I made the decision to forgive him and try and work things out. Two years later, those issues still raise their ugly heads every now and again, but the majority of the time where are great. ITs hard work though and you have to deal with many of your inner demons before you can even begin to start trusting again. Paranoia is a big part of this too, the whole "what if..." is really REALLY hard!

[thegirl_00]

Phoenix69 - Yea the whole "what if" this is just killing me inside, all the time. I get sickt o my stomach when i think about the past or about him doing those things again. I almost puked many times.

 

ElektraHere - What he did to hurt me was many different things. The first thing he did was 3 days after we started going out he started dealing coke behind my back. Since I'm a recovered drug addict this was against every rule in my books. He also took off with this girl i don't like him hanging out with because she gave him a lap dance like 5 months ago, and he did coke with her. and I was really mad about that. there were 2 other things he did too all within a month.

[ElektraHere]

So again why are you with him??? I hope that you are strong enough to be able to be on your own. To have these sort of issues early on in a relationship is not a good thing. Especially if the trust is already gone and its only 4 months into it? YIKES!! You are better off walking away from this.

[itsallgrand]

thegirl,

hi.

 

To be honest, I am more concerned with you right now. How long are you along in your recovery? Did you go through a drug treatment program?

 

This guy could threaten your recovery. He broke a big rule right away. And there is always the possibility that he could pick up his drug use again.

 

I'm wondering if you created any sort of list for relationship 'dealbreakers' and standards. It seems to me that a man who has brought drugs into your life, in any shape or form or time, is not the best choice for you.

 

I don't know if you should trust him is what I am saying.

[thegirl_00]

Yea I know I should have walked away after the first thing he did to me, which was dealing behind my back. But I just like him SOO much more then any other guy iv gone out with. We're so similiar it's scary and he's the best friend I've ever had.

 

I've been in many relationships and was able to toss away my ex bf of 8 months without a problem once he gave me a reason to lose trust in him. But my current bf is so much different. I want to try and forgive him, something inside me tells me it'll be worth it in the end.