My Boyfriend Cheated on me and is still 'FRIENDS' with this girl.........

[JosiesMannequin]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 7 months now, he cheated on me when we were at about 2 months into our relationship, but I just found out about it now.

 

We had a really long talk about it, and he only did it once, completely regretted it, and he said he never told me because he was afraid he would hurt me. Yes, when i found out 5 months later, it hurt me, but I gave him a second chance.

 

It's been about a week since I found out, and I also found out that he's still friends with her. GOOD friends. She calls him a lot and knows the password to his voicemail so whenever I leave voicemails for him, she'll delete them. But he doesn't know it's her, and when I tell him it's her, he'll ask her, and she'll be like, no.

 

It bothers me that he's GOOD friends with her, even if they are just friends now, it just seems like she still wants to be making out with him. Do you guys think it's right of me to tell my boyfriend that I don't like that he's friends with her, or would that be me being a controlling girlfriend?

[ElektraHere]

hmmmm I wouldnt stand for it. First off if I found out someone cheated on me I wouldnt let that go with just a sorry. Secondly if he still is friends with her and she knows personal codes and such signify one thing to me.....He aint over the girl. He has his cake and is eating it too.Go with your gut instinct even if its something you dont want to do.

[Sally00]

I would tell him that I'm not comfortable with him being good friends with someone he cheated on you with. I don't find that appropriate at all. Tell him it is hurting you and isn't making the relationship any better. Oh, and let him know about her having the password to his voicemail, which gives her the capability of deleting the messages you leave him.

 

This doesn't qualify as being controlling at all.

It's his fault to begin with for making you feel like this.

 

I wish you the very best. Good luck.

[Meow18]

I don't think it's appropiate of him. If he really was sorry, he wouldn't still talk to her. He would be completely embarrassed and ashamed to talk to her.

 

He made a stupid mistake. And maybe he never cheated on you after that moment, but the fact that he still carried on a good friendship just shows that he wasn't sorry enough.

 

It also seems like she doesn't respect your relationship. Deleting your messages? Who does she think she is to delete your messages to him??

 

Honestly, if I were you, I would have a serious talk with him. I would definitely not approve of a friendship with that girl.

 

But really, it's not just the other girl. Your boyfriend was the one who was supposed to stand up for your relationship. You need to decide if you can forgive this.

[MARYGIRL]

With guys, it's HOW you say something that matters. When you confront him, don't freak out and cry. Don't sound like you're accusing him of cheating again. Just stand up for yourself. Being friends with someone he cheated with is totally unacceptable. Say something like:

 

It really hurts me that you're still friends with ______. I know you've told me that nothing is going on between the two of you, but if we're going to get past this and fully trust each other again, I need you to stop talking to her altogether. I can't completely trust you, knowing you still have a close relationship with her. If you really want to work this out, you need to respect me and do what I ask.

 

Let him know you won't tolerate it. Also tell him about the voicemail thing, and that he should just change the passcode, whether or not the other girl says she deletes messages or not. There's no reason she should have his voicemail code.

 

If he makes excuses or says no. Leave the relationship. If he says ok, but you find out he's still talking to her behind your back, leave the relationship.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

i would tell him that u dont like it...i mean thats rediculous

[Starfall]

He would need to make a choice... immediately.

His relationship with me, or his relationship with her.

Plain and simple.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

She calls him a lot and knows the password to his voicemail so whenever I leave voicemails for him, she'll delete them. But he doesn't know it's her, and when I tell him it's her, he'll ask her, and she'll be like, no.

 

Helloo.....and exactly what planet does he live on, that he's unable to change his password, like the rest of us can???

 

Anyway, you're diluting the point; any guy cheats on me, I'd dump his sorry butt.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Having been in your boyfriend's position as the cheater who was often "friends" with my "bits on the side", you should save yourself a lot of time and bother and end it with him.

 

If he's cheated on you once, he will again. He's gotten away with it with just a talk, and they arn't just going to stop being friends, I suspect. This may have to be the end of the line for your own sanity.

[Momene]

Having been in your boyfriend's position as the cheater who was often "friends" with my "bits on the side", you should save yourself a lot of time and bother and end it with him.

 

If he's cheated on you once, he will again. He's gotten away with it with just a talk, and they arn't just going to stop being friends, I suspect. This may have to be the end of the line for your own sanity.

 

You're right.

[RayKay]

Why the heck does she have the password to his voice mail! That's just weird! He should change that NOW if he has any respect for you.

 

I am sorry, but I would definitely not tolerate my partner remaining friends with someone they cheated on me with (not that I would tolerate cheating in first place, but that is another matter!). And I do NOT think it is out of line to ask that he no longer remain in contact with her, if he TRULY wants to work this out with you. All this is doing is rubbing it in your face, especially as she seems to have little respect for the relationship.

 

It's not about being controlling - and don't let that fear allow others to treat you as a doormat. It is about requiring respect from someone you give your heart too.

 

Honestly, I would tell him that him being friends with her makes you feel disrespected, and that you are concerned about her motives and her actions. And that if he wants to be with you, he has to make a choice. And if he chooses to remain friends with her, then YOU have to honestly make a big choice yourself - for me that would mean leaving because you deserve way better than this, I have serious doubts about how sorry he really is (and whether he really will be faithful from now on as long as she is there) and because honey you have only been together a few months and already he is showing he is not being respectful and honest.