Is monogamy a myth?

[napinasv]

I got married at 25 and expected from my husband to love me and only me, and never to be interested in other women. (I expected the same thing from myself, of course.)

But he had always been attracted to other women. He never cheated, but I always knew when he fancied a girl and that wasn’t a pleasant experience for me.

 

I wasn’t always aware of that, but as I’m getting older I’m starting to notice how he looks at young and sexy girls. We are both 45 and when I see him looking at 18 year old, I find it disgusting. Not to mention what it does to my self-esteem.

 

By reading posts on this forum, I started to realise that all men are attracted to other women and it’s just a matter of resisting temptation.

I’m wondering, if attraction to other women is so natural for men, why do we expect them to be faithful in the first place? And, if those things don’t have anything to do with us, why don’t we just let them whoever they want?

 

If monogamy is such a myth, why do we still stick with it and make our lives miserable in the process?

If monogamy is possible only if they work hard to resist temptation, why do we expect them to do that?

 

I’ve heard so many men saying that women can’t handle the truth (about them being attracted to other women). And so they HAVE TO lie…

 

Why do people try so hard to be monogamous when almost everyone thinks it’s not natural?

[Lady Bugg]

I don't believe people are naturally monogomous at ALL. People are born polygamists....the decision to be monogamous with ONE person is a personal commitment and decision..but it is certainly NOT the 'norm". Not in my opinion.

If you notice...before two people enter into a "committed" relationship...and are still seeing other people..the issue of the other person looking , staring at or sleeping with other people does not matter..because the words commitment and exclusitivity have not been uttered. It is assumed the other person IS most likely sleeping with or dating others. I think the issue is not that men are attracted to other women.....THAT is completely natural..it's when lines are crossed, lies are told and trust is broken.

 

ANYONE can be monogamous..if they are TRULY committed to honoring their

vows. Looking at another person is NOT cheating. Is the thought of cheating

dishonest? Not if those thoughts don't hurt anyone and as long as those thoughts are not acted upon.

 

To me monogamy is MORE than keeping "it" in your pants. Monogamy

is the decision to remain honorable in a dishonorable situation.

[bobo85]

staying faithful is a choice people make.

 

If someone tells you they are only attracted you, and no one else they are BS'ing. We are only human and of course we are going to be attracted to many other people. Its just that some people chose to stay faithful. The best we can ask for is that our significant other doesn't act on his or her desires with the other person(s). We can only trust that they choose to be with us and only us.

[Dako]

I'm definitely mono.

One woman is more than plenty to stress me out.

[Hope75]

I'm definitely mono.

On woman is more than plenty to stress me out.

 

LOL. Dako some of your priceless quotes should be made into coffee mug slogans and bumper stickers. Hilarious!

[doyathink]

Is monogamy a myth?

 

hummm..I'm beginning to think so!

[Psylocke960]

I'm definitely mono.

One woman is more than plenty to stress me out.

 

LOL...That was too funny! Anyway, I'm the same way. One guy is enough for me.

[shellshocked]

Wow. I really like your thoughts on monogamy vs. polygamy Lady Bugg.

 

Could you give some more insight on what you say here:

Monogamy is the decision to remain honorable in a dishonorable situation.

[engagedkitty]

So... are some of you trying to say that when my fiancee says he will never cheat and never looks at other women, he's just lying? I kind of figured, as men are men and men ALWAYS look at other women, they just don't tell us about it. But I was hoping I could live in a delusional world forever. He's always said he's only wanted ONE woman to share his life with, but I guess men are men... This makes me kinda sick to my stomach, I just have severe problems with even the thought of my man looking at someone else and secretly wanting them. Once they start the wanting, they find it hard not to act upon it. If it's a girl that will let them, they'd probably do it! If it's a girl that's unattainable, then they probably wouldn't do it cause they couldn't get her.

[Dako]

Earth to kitty:

 

I know for a fact that all men aren't itching to hump the next willing floozy. I have a close married friend who hasn't strayed for the past 10 years that his wife has lost all interest in sex. It ain't easy, but he loves her.

I was married 25 years and never considered it, and the guys I know are proud of never going there.

 

Guys are people too, and can think with the big brain. Don't condemn your guy because you imagine things. It's unfair to him, and men in general.

[engagedkitty]

Earth to kitty:

 

I know for a fact that all men aren't itching to hump the next willing floozy. I have a close married friend who hasn't strayed for the past 10 years that his wife has lost all interest in sex. It ain't easy, but he loves her.

I was married 25 years and never considered it, and the guys I know are proud of never going there.

 

Guys are people too, and can think with the big brain. Don't condemn your guy because you imagine things. It's unfair to him, and men in general.

 

I'm sorry, I don't mean to generalise. And it is because it's always happened to me, and so many of my friends, and acquaintances. I know women can cheat too, my fiancee's wife was cheating on him left and right, and by all accounts, he was perfectly faithful to her. I'm glad to hear that some men ARE faithful, it makes me feel better, honestly. Thanks for the reality check. I just needed some affirmation, lol.

[laboheme]

Just a brief comment on whether admiring other people goes against monogamy:

 

I know a very happy couple who make it a hobby to go people-watching...They point out attractive people to each other and comment on their abs, butt, whatnot...What's funny is that oftentimes the other person agrees! I think their honesty about finding other people physically attractive and openly talking about it (basically making a game out of it) has something to do with the fact that they've never cheated on each other...

[seksiidan]

ehh, i read somewhere that through out a guys lifetime even if they are in a serious relationship, they'll still check out other people and have tiny crushes on people as long as they don't act up on those feelings its fine. as for your esteem sad to say the only way to cope with that is to have to put up with it.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I can honestly say I don't want to sleep with any other guy than my signif. other at the moment.

 

Key phrase being "at the moment", I guess. But I think it'll be a very long moment.

[hardcharger]

Why do people try so hard to be monogamous when almost everyone thinks it's not natural?

simple, my wife accomadates me and gives me the goods, with regularity!

[Belgian girl]

I preferred to have only my bf and if possible for the rest of my life

He said about the same but now he's already saying it to an other girl

Think it won't be to hard to keep mono, even by realising it would hurt him I won't give in and the 9months we were together I wasn't interested in anyone else at all (and even now I'm not)