Am I Crazy?

[kosmicgyrl]

Well...I have been dating a guy for 4 months and things were great. We are so happy to be around one another and we get along well. However, a couple of days ago, I get a phone call telling me that he is married! I was shocked. So shocked that I call the county just to be sure and yes, he is married. I confronted him about it and he came clean. I asked him what the deal was. Why would you not tell me sooner about his being married. He said that he didn't have an excuse but he didn't want to loose me. I told him that was the most selfish thing, he could ever do. He was so upset and I told him that I can no longer see him. I explained to him that I can not knowingly and willingly date a married man. He explained to me that he just separated with his wife around the time he met me (so 4 months). He didn't know about how he felt about us and didn't think he needed to say anything upfront. However, I am from a different school of thought.

 

After a few long conversations, we have dissolved the relationship and I explained to him that after he gets a divorce; we can see what happens. I feel that I should be more angry. However, I am not as mad as I thought I would be. I feel less angry because he was honest. He is interested in remaining in my life and I don't know. Part of me wants him around (after the divorce) and would like to think this was just bad judgement. I truly care about this man and he says he cares about me. He said that he was protecting me (not really sure how) and was going to tell me.

 

However, he other part of me feels like if he was slow to tell me this, what else will he be slow to tell me. Am I crazy for believing him? Thanks for any advice.

[ElektraHere]

Sorry but why is it people always use the excuse that they are separated? He wasnt honest upfront what makes you think he will be upfront about other things. He just wants to have his cake and eat it too.

 

Get up, put one foot in front of the other and walk away from this and him. No good can come on anything based on dishonesty.

[cichlid]

He wasn't honest with you. Why? Because if he was honest he would not have based the relationship on lies that he was not married. Sure, they were not verbal lies and when you caught him in the lie...only then did he fess up. If I were you I would not even think about any future relationship with him because of that fact. But that is just me! I also wouldn't hold my breath on that divorce.

 

I wouldn't believe anything that guy ever told you really. It just proves he is capable of much more. Not to be hurtful, but I doubt he cares that much. He sounds to be in it only for himself. This is a rebound from his marriage that has yet to be settled with a divorce. I mean he probably cares about your feelings just a tiny bit since he is human and all. But in the end he is more concerned about himself and was afraid to tell you. He knew you would leave if you knew the truth.

 

There are better guys.

[Scout]

Have you ever been to his house? Do you know for sure he's not still living with his wife? Do you have more than just a cell phone number for him?

[renaissancewoman101]

Is being to a person's house or knowing their other phone number besides cell number really telling of whether a guy is still married or not? A lot of people just only have cell numbers now as their main number and no home phone. My brother didnt want a home phone and uses his cell phone also as a home phone.

[ElektraHere]

Regardless about the phone he lied lied lied!!! I would not trust anything he had to say.

[counselorcas]

I understand that you have feelings for this man, but the bottom line is that you started off to a rocky start. I think the best thing for you to do now is what you are doing. Give it time, give him space, and DEFINTELY do not be in a romantic relationship with a married man. If and when the time comes when he gets divorced.... you have to ask yourself if this is a man you are willing to develop something with, when he started off the relationship in a lie.

When things start off rocky, chances are the solid foundations aren't there to provide for a lasting and sound relationship.

[Scout]

Is being to a person's house or knowing their other phone number besides cell number really telling of whether a guy is still married or not? A lot of people just only have cell numbers now as their main number and no home phone. My brother didnt want a home phone and uses his cell phone also as a home phone.

 

Well, in this case we know he's married because he admitted it after she found out and confronted him. What I want to know is if he's telling her the truth about being separated/not living with his wife. And if after four months she hasn't been to his house, that would be a good indicator that he is still living with his wife.

 

I agree with Elektra, he lied, and that's reason enough to give him the boot. However, the original poster here seems like she has mixed feelings about doing this, and I'm hoping that if indeed he is still lying to her, that will give her what she needs to make the right decision to cut things off with this man.

[RayKay]

I don't believe he is separated either....that would be something generally you would let someone know. I think he just pulled that out of his bum to cover his tracks.

 

It's not like it is the first time a married man having an affair has lied about being 'separated'. I would put the odds at 99-1 that he still lives with her, sleeps with her and she has no idea they are "separated".

 

You did the right thing by ending this, he has lied to you and is well...MARRIED. And I suggest you thereforeeee stay away....he has not been honest about this MAJOR issue, I wonder what else he is hiding (not as if this is not enough either!).

[lady00]

He lied to you for four months. This guy is not someone you should want to be around.