booty calls for healing?

[joeshmoe]

Okay, so my wife has been moved out for about a month, with about a month of no sex before that...I'm ready to explode!

 

so I've met a girl and we had sex last week, she's just ended a relationship recently, too...

 

What do you all think about having a friend w/ benefits so soon after a breakup/divorce as a crutch to help ease the pain?

 

I am physically attracted, but I must admit, no real connection...

 

opinions??

[Dako]

You didn't mention her expectations.

Could become important over time if she develops an attachment.

[joeshmoe]

You didn't mention her expectations.

Could become important over time.

 

 

...should have clarified that...I have made it clear that im not looking for a relationship, and so has she...I'm not out to hurt people, just looking for fun (as safely as possible, too)

[CarnelianButterfly]

It depends on what you consider healing. Sexual gratification of this nature is not healing because there is no emotional development or growth. From what you describe its not a way to really help you move beyond the pain of your wife leaving you. This is at best a distraction and not necessarily a healthy one, it may just prolong you really getting around to addressing your person issues and dealing with your emotions.

[BillyJean714]

Warning: I used to be a student in the healthcare field, so I am sole advocator for healthy living.

 

FWBs? I wouldn't go there, simply because this girl's a stranger. You don't know how many guys she's been with. Besides, herpes can be dormant. Although you use protection, there is no telling that you won't catch anything, because your scrotum isn't 100% covered by the latex condom, or vaginal dam.

 

Wait at least 3 months before you do it with someone. Have both of you guys checked up, and then have sex. It often takes 3 months for your body to develop antibodies to most sti's (stds). Another thing, you may catch hpv, genital warts (different from herpes) without knowing it, because she may not have obvious signs. You may catch it, but there is no way to test hpv in men, not currently, at least that's what I'm informed of.

 

Just a pre-caution..

[shes2smart]

As long as you're both honest and open about your expectations/intentions and do what you can to prevent pregnancy/disease, it could be ok.

 

I've gone completely celibate after some break-ups...sometimes up to a year afterwards...and after some break-ups my attitude was, "well...I'm gonna have to get over that hurdle of engaging in this ridiculous act with someone new sometime...." I did whatever I felt was in my best interest at the time. Looking back, more often than not, I succeeded at that by just listening to myself.

 

So, as long as you're both feeling like it's a positive thing for each of you, it may very well be that it is.

[2900]

i'm not a fan of the booty call thing. theres a risk of attachment.

[pacopaco]

I've been broken up with my ex since Feb. she cheated. I was first feeling that i need to get intop bed with someone just because she did it. Everytime I met someone new, somthing in my heart and mind said "stop, you're not ready." since Feb. i haven't had sex with anyone. I don't feel bad about it, because i don't feel ready. I think having a string of Grudge Fu*ks would have hurt me, and it would have been me hurting me. i still don't have the sexual feelings, but that's ok. i'm working right now on just getting my life together without the Ol'Girl.

in the end, everything falls into place, and what's the rush?

[LostInMyThoughts]

Strippers and free-booty are the stepping blocks on the path to recovery.

 

If you are both okay with it, and you know you don't want a relationship go for it!

[Majoraslayer]

Wow, I like the way you think!

 

*Goes to call for booty*

[renaissancewoman101]

I dont think booty calls or FWBs are good ways for healing. For one thing, you are just jumping into another "situation" without first dealing with the situation of your divorce and learning to heal from that. Ignoring feelings and jumping into other situations only prolong the healing process because, eventually you ARE going to have to deal with those feelings that you "stuffed" away. Usually, when the feelings pop up again, it comes back in full force a lot worse than if you had dealt with it in the beginning. I know what it is to avoid dealing with feelings. I am one of those people that love to ignore my problems, stuff them away, and act like nothing happened. When they come back to bite me in the butt, it usually hurts a lot more.

 

Also, you do have to worry if the other party develops an attachment to you or you develop an attachment to her. I have learned, over the years, that sex is a very powerful thing that causes people to become attached to one another, even though, in the beginning, it was spelled out that it was only a booty call (no feelings involved). It never turns out like that. Usually one party gets attached to the other one and it turns ugly because feelings get brought in and one person wants more than the other.

 

There are A LOT better ways to get rid of sexual frustration then have FWBs or booty calls. Trust me on that one.