Massari Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 What you need to realize is that these are not jealousy problems you are having. If I was dating a girl that hung out with guys who were her "friends" but these guys were constantly hitting on her, I'd end it. Not because I don't trust her or because I am jealous, but because I wouldn't want to be with someone that makes bad judgement calls and places themselves in a situation that KNOWINGLY would make me uncomfortable. he messaged her again.. again asking her out.. for lunch. she told me he messaged her.. showed me her message.. I have her profiles user and password but I don't check it often. so she told me about it.. I GOT SO MAD AGAIN and the fact that she doesn't like righting and start any kind of arguments here makes me wonder.. she doesn't care about him.. and she doesn't even talk to him.. this just bothers me and I am so mad Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Man this is a weird one. Maybe she wants you to handle it? This whole thing stinks to me. I feel she is doing something to foster these guys contacting her. I don't know what else to tell you. Even if she is telling the truth, it sounds like she is easily pressured into giving other people what they want, and that is not healthy. Link to comment
LIFE Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Her friends obviously doesn't respect you and have their little own intentions, and she still talks to them. Think about it, if your girl really cared about your feelings would she really be talking to these people?? There's something wrong with her. I'm not saying you can't have friends of the opposite-sex, but they have to know and respect that you're in a relationship. Constantly asking her out on romantic dates and stuff like that is crossing the line. Your girl seems to like the attention from her friends. Link to comment
Rabican Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Ive been in THAT EXACT SAME PLACE with my current girl. Eventually it led to us breaking up.... and later getting back together. We currently do not have any of the problems that we used to have however. She had guys that she considered 'friends' same guys would send her messages about how they wanted her, sending her flirty, sometimes even dirty messages. Guys would be asking her out, to go out to 'hang out' which in my mind meant hook up. She wouldnt do it, but she wouldnt tell them to get lost either. I knew the guys had bad intentions, and she was not willing to tell them to get lost. I took that as a lack of respect to me, and our relationship. It seemed like these guys thought they still had an option in my girl. Its not a good thing. I couldnt trust any of them to hang out with her, once they cross that plutonic line, its been crossed. If a girl did the same thing to me right now... telling me she wanted me, or that we should hook up, I would end the friendship. Id tell her it wasnt going to happen, and because she could not respect my relationship, thus not respecting me our friendship is done. If you can accept the fact that things are ok simply by your girl not hanging out with these guys, then just accept it. Set your boundries and if they are crossed... then deal with it later. For me, my boundries are pretty tight on an issue like this. Once a guy crosses that line of wanting more than friendship with my girl, i think their friendship has to end... or my relationship with her would have to end. You know what you are ok with, and if your girls friendship with these guys is like a kick in your * * * every time they call then something needs to change. Besides after a guy basically says he wants your girl to cheat with him its not like you can really look at him and say "oh they are just friends". You know the guy is a sh#thead so she needs to let him go. Link to comment
Rabican Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 What you need to realize is that these are not jealousy problems you are having. If I was dating a girl that hung out with guys who were her "friends" but these guys were constantly hitting on her, I'd end it. Not because I don't trust her or because I am jealous, but because I wouldn't want to be with someone that makes bad judgement calls and places themselves in a situation that KNOWINGLY would make me uncomfortable. +1 Not to mention that if she isnt respecting you... the person whom she is in a relationship with in the first place. This isnt a matter of jealousy, or insecurity. Its a matter of respect. You or your girl keeping around friends that have 'bad intentions' shows a whole lot of disrespect to your partner. Link to comment
Rabican Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 I am not going to end it .. I know that I mean it would be pretty dumb I think If I do that end a great relationship with some jealousy problem of mine. if thats the problem and yeah she is not doing anything wronge here. but I have to change my way or viewing and reacting to this, its just not right. thats what I think. would you say the problem is on my side being too controlling too jealous insecure or what she is doing is no right? What shes doing is not right... it may not exactly be WRONG if she isnt acting on this, or not leading them on. But she needs to show respect, and commitment to you, and tell them that their friendship is over. It shouldnt be hard for her to send a quick message to them: You have shown that you cant respect my relationship to my man, thereforeeee you have shown you dont respect me. I will not be friends with anyone who does this, I expect that you will no longer try to contact me as we are no longer friends. Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 What shes doing is not right... it may not exactly be WRONG if she isnt acting on this, or not leading them on. But she needs to show respect, and commitment to you, and tell them that their friendship is over. It shouldnt be hard for her to send a quick message to them: You have shown that you cant respect my relationship to my man, thereforeeee you have shown you dont respect me. I will not be friends with anyone who does this, I expect that you will no longer try to contact me as we are no longer friends. I agree with this. I believe you will really know where you stand with your girlfriend if you asked her to send a message like this to these "friends" of hers. Link to comment
Massari Posted August 4, 2006 Author Share Posted August 4, 2006 the guy came to her work today with a cup of coffee to talk to her.. she said no I dun wanna talk to you cause your intentions are more then friends and I don't want that. he answeres yes but if I can't then I rather just be friends.. I mean.. I DUN WANT HER TO BE FRIENDS WITH THIS GUY.. is that too F*** much to ask.,. GOD MAN.. I AM NOT HAPPY RIGHT NOW I WANNA EXPLODE Link to comment
Rabican Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 Trust me, ive been through this EXACT THING. Once the guy shows once, that he doesnt respect your relationship and he doesnt.... then he doesnt respect it. I would NEVER trust this guy to hang out with her when you are not there. I wish I could go back in time and replay this scenario with my girl. What I did not do, was tell her its either she keeps the jerk friends, or she keeps me. Ultimately we broke up over stuff like this, then later got back together. I would just tell her, look if you respect me at all, and you want this relationship to work then they have to go. Period. I dont care what the guy said, hes always gonna be looking for some action with your girl. There is no justifiable reason for her to maintain that friendship after the guy has proven that hes looking for some booty. Link to comment
Rabican Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 Bottom line is this. She can have friends, whatever friends she wants. But if those friends cross the line, then she has the responsiblity to end that friendship or keep it on a very tight leash. Example: only talk to them when you are around. You also have a right to decide who you want to be with. IF it were me, i would choose not to be with someone who wants to keep their options open. YOu said thats what it seemed like she was doing, which is a definate no no. So either suck it up, or make the situation change. Staying with her, and having this same fight over and over will only get worse. Link to comment
Massari Posted August 4, 2006 Author Share Posted August 4, 2006 the thing is ,, she doesn't hang out with them at all.. like this guy brings his car for service at her father's dealership. so its not like she hangs out with him. Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 the thing is ,, she doesn't hang out with them at all.. like this guy brings his car for service at her father's dealership. so its not like she hangs out with him. Has she told her father about this? I am sure he would be none to happy with someone constantly putting her in an awkward position at this place of business. Link to comment
Massari Posted August 4, 2006 Author Share Posted August 4, 2006 she works there also.. so yeah..this happenes every week.. why does she tell me about this.. I mean she can just not tell me that yeah he came to work abd she tells him to leave her alone.. but he keeps coming// akhhhhh so irritating Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 Ask her to tell her father about it, he should be able to intervene if these advances are unwanted by her. Link to comment
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