2 of my My Gf's guy friends " or thats what she calls them" annoys and pisses me off

[Massari]

I have a huge problem with my gfs guy friends.. she doen't have too many .. there are two and one of them just crossed the line.. the other one crossed the line the first week when we met , he kissed her.. and I was pissed told her under no circumstances you can talk to this guy at all. she agreed. But he keeps calling her once a while ask her to come with him to all these places. & She says no. but she never tells them to f off. Its like she likes to give them hope that they might eventually go out with her. the other guy she met at work.. we have a website where everyone makes profile and you can write each other scraps.. this guy wrote 2 scarps for her .. 2 different times like a week apart. And each time is about asking her for lunch. Now she never tells him no.. and in that website you can see her status which says in a relationship with me. He can see the scraps I write for her.. I love yous and all. I wanted to tell him something but gf always said no please don't start a fight. On Monday he did something that really pushed me to my limits.. I am thinking this either has to end now or I can't be with my GF anymore. He calls her.. asks her out for coffee,, she says no she is tired she has studies. Then he says well what about tomorrow after work, the she says but don't you know I have a bf, he says yeah. But you are younge (she is 18) and you should experience other guys,, plus many gurls date other guys once in a while when they have a bf. She says well I am not one of them ,, then he goes I can even pick you up from work and your bf would never know.. she just answered no. he says well call or lemme know if you ever change your mind my door is always open. When she told me this last night .. it hurts.. its like my gf talks to all these other guys and what I did from the beginning was to block my female friends cause she would have felt uncomfortable.. and today I was talking/arguing on the phone.. she goes so you want to control me and you want me not to have guy friends.. well guy friends who ask my GF out all the time.. and she doesn't quite tell them to F off is disrespectful for me and now I just can't take this anymore.. I am seriously thinking of ending everything with her.. but it is sad and all and I really don't want to cause I care so much . but after what happened with the firest guy friend who kissed her.. and I got so ANGRY over that .. and after 3 months almost he still firkin calls her .. what do I do here.. ? is my reaction normal? I mean I know I am protective and get jealous fast but its only cause I care about her.. and she doesn't seem to understand that,,

.. help me please cause this is hurting me and our relationship and I really don't want to fight her all the time cause of this crap

 

 

 

 

 

 

thank you so much in advanced

[Luke Skywalker]

I think that your gf seems to be straight and honest with you in the circumstances. She is telling you what these guys are doing, she's not actually going along with them. You should commend her for being straightforward with you and stop being such a control freak. Let's face it, your gf is probably a hbx (Hot Babe category 5-10) or something and it's a fact of life that's she's going to have guys apporoaching her and hitting her all the time. If you dont want that problem, look for a FUG/UG (Fat Ugly Girl, Ugly Girl category 0-4) girl you can find that guys will run from, and get in a relationship with her instead.

 

You should not take this too seriously, just relax, chill, and take a pill on this, your gf is being honest with you and is not cheating on you, so you have nothing to worry about.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

well i really dont kno what advice to give you but i really think that your reaction is normal

[heloladies21]

Honestly, no one can knock you for what you're doing because the stuff that's happening is out of line and your emotions are fine. The thing you want to make sure you're doing is expressing it the right way, which i'd have to see to give an opinion on.

 

Don't take the responsibility on yourself to get the guy off your gf's back. This is her battle to fight, but it is her responsibility to make the guy understand that his advances are unwelcome. If the guy's are still chasing, she hasn't done a convincing job of letting them know.

 

This is jealousy, but it's warrented jealousy. You have to react or else she'll think you don't care about her. It's not being controling, because if she would've taken care of business and drew the line with these guys, there wouldn't be a problem.

 

Most likely she has a problem setting boundries with people. Avoids conflict (except with you right? but this is something she's going to have to learn how to do if you two are going to continue.

[ElektraHere]

I think you first should rationalize this. She is telling you what is happening right? She is saying no to the advancements right?

 

I think if forbidding her to talk to someone is a bit extreme. Is she not allowed to have friends or guy friends. This may sound mean and its not meant that way but Im sorry the world does not revolve around you. Meaning not everything is about you. If you keep up this insecurity and worry you will eventually do what you are so afraid of....pushing her away and out the door.

[Massari]

ok.. yes I do feel I am controlling which was one of the reasong that ened my previous relationship with my ex dumping me.. and now she wants me back. so it means the way I am may seem bad at first.. but what I do for my woman is far better.. thats why my ex wanted me back.. she took the love and care that I had for her for granted.. she was talking to me me.. her current bf is not the prince charming she was expecting.. of course he is not. My point is that I duuno why but I really don't think I am doing anything wrong here.. but I just want us to have a normal lever of trust and my gf is good loooking but she is not a super model, she is normal.. a good looking girl with meat! she tells me these stories caus she loves my reactions I know that.. and then she says is a little cuet tone " are you gonna break up with me?" and she knows that I am gonna say no.. for the first guy.. whe he kissed him.. she told me that but then at the same time I went insane almost breaking up with her.. she said she is sorry that she went to his place.. and I forgave her but some how I feel like history is repeating again.. and I don't want that,,

[Iceman26]

These guys aren't her friends. They are potential suitors.

 

The fact that she still hangs out with them indicates that she likes this kind of attention. If she were truly committed to you she wouldn't hang out with people that hit on her, make you uncomfortable, and put you in an awkward position.

 

She tells you because A) She is being honest with you, or B) Likes you being jealous.

 

She KNOWS these guys want to be more than friends, and she still hangs out with them.

 

She gives you that load of BS about you trying to control her because she is trying to turn the situation back on you.

 

I'd tell her you don't want to control her, but that continuing to hang out with these guys is hurtful to you and is not conducive to a happy and healthy relationship, and if she feels that the friendship of these two "friends" is more important than your relationship, than maybe she should see other people.

 

For the record, I always did my best to avoid dating women with guy friends.

[ElektraHere]

Being a control freak and showing respect and love are two whole different things. I think you are getting the two mixed up. I want a man to care about me, respect me, and show me love. Not control me, forbid me from people, etc. She obviously isnt going anywhere with this guy so why are you worrying about it? Also kind of a double standard that you are talking to your ex no less and that is alright. WHAT????

 

You may think your intentions are good but they are very destructful. Its bound to destroy any relationship.

[Massari]

u see,, I see what you're saying 100% and believe me I tought about it..she doens't really hang out with them..Guy number one.. calls her once a month or so.. the guy number two is a costumer who brings his car to her dad's dealership where she also works there.. somehow guy number two bothers me alot more.. and I don't think me not wanting to have any contact with them is controlling her.. and yes.. she knows they have other intentions other then friends. I hate that.. I hate that so much.. I don't think I deserve that..

[Iceman26]

Also kind of a double standard that you are talking to your ex no less and that is alright. WHAT????

 

 

Elektra is right, you shouldn't be talking to the ex, but considering what your girlfriend is doing, I don't blame you.

[Massari]

Being a control freak and showing respect and love are two whole different things. I think you are getting the two mixed up. I want a man to care about me, respect me, and show me love. Not control me, forbid me from people, etc. She obviously isnt going anywhere with this guy so why are you worrying about it? Also kind of a double standard that you are talking to your ex no less and that is alright. WHAT????

 

You may think your intentions are good but they are very destructful. Its bound to destroy any relationship.

 

electra.. she doesn't set boundries for these guys.. she gives them hopes and ropes to hang on to and that pisses me off.. its like she is keeping them for back up or something.. she tells me that the guy says that to her and the I get mad and that she laughs she like "I love you" these guys mean nothing to me you are my one.

[Iceman26]

My biggest question for your girlfriend would be why, if she doesn't hang out with them, why do they continue to call her? And post in her online blog site? She obviously does nothing to discourage this behavior.

[Massari]

Elektra is right, you shouldn't be talking to the ex, but considering what your girlfriend is doing, I don't blame you.

 

the talk with my ex was nothing.. I didn't feel anything .. I told her how mych I care about my gf. its not like I give her hopes that yeah once we broke up we can get back again. .. no it wasn't like that at all.

[ElektraHere]

Then obviously she knows the buttons to push with you and you dont trust her. Put those two things together equals a troubled relationship. Which is not set for success but pain and agony, struggle and mistrust.

 

Not good my friend not good at all.

[Massari]

My biggest question for your girlfriend would be why, if she doesn't hang out with them, why do they continue to call her? And post in her online blog site? She obviously does nothing to discourage this behavior.

 

that was exactly what I was talking to her.. she has an exam this friday so I don' want to distract her or anything but I do need to talk to her I think cause this is getting out of hand .. she doesn't tell them to not call her again.. she always tell them.. I am tired.. but the last time the guy calls her for coffee she tells him. yeah I am with a bf that I love so so I won't go out with you. then she calls and tells me how much she loves me and all.. I ask her what did you do!!! you seem different.. then 2 days later she tells me that the guy calls her and thats why she told me this stuff like she is sure now.. but that kinda hurts.. I was sure since we had a relationship.

[Iceman26]

She has to be saying something to them for them to keep calling. I don't trust it.

[Luke Skywalker]

u see,, I see what you're saying 100% and believe me I tought about it..she doens't really hang out with them..Guy number one.. calls her once a month or so.. the guy number two is a costumer who brings his car to her dad's dealership where she also works there.. somehow guy number two bothers me alot more.. and I don't think me not wanting to have any contact with them is controlling her.. and yes.. she knows they have other intentions other then friends. I hate that.. I hate that so much.. I don't think I deserve that..

 

 

She told the guys she has a bf, thereforeeee, these guys are taking their own risks with her. She's doing her part by being honest.

 

I'd be pitying those poor guy friends of hers groveling over something they cant have, and I'd be saying, I'm the one with a girl that all these pathetic losers want and let it boost my ego rather than getting jealous. You have to see the glass as half full rather than half empty.

 

You dont have to be a model to be a hot babe, the fact is your gf is good looking and has meat is enough to get guys running after her. That's just a fact of life. Most guys know extremely hot babes are off-limits anyway unless you are really good, so they are more likely to go after that type of girl.

[heloladies21]

You're reactions are fine, but I don't like the way it's affecting you inside. You're taking it too personally. These test are only what she needs to feel secure and loved in the relationship. If you could take a step back and see this, then you could react the same, but not get all bent out of shape about it because you could realize that she's only doing this because she cares about you right back and wants this relationship to work.

 

If she's not letting up, then most likely she's not going to change. If you don't think you can learn how to deal with your emotions, then you might wanna end it, but I would reccommend trying to become emotionally stronger and overcoming this.

[Luke Skywalker]

This is what will probably happen to me if I were ever to get into a relationship with that other girl on my other thread - look how crazy this girl made me feel - and we weren't or aren't even in a relationship:

 

 

[Massari]

thank you all so much. how do I know she didn't kiss that guy. she did make the joke that yeah I met up with him at the nearby coffee shop and he kissed me.. and that only made me feel worst, I was gonna leave the car right there.. the she says No NO I am just kidding I won't make the same mistake. that afternoon that he called her she disappeared.. I was calling her to find out where she went. she calls me on the way supposebly (coming from her grandmother's hous) she tells me ohh I love you so much bla bla.. like she has done something bad and she regrets it i.e. kissing the second guy. Now I feel like she is not telling me the truth cause she knows I'll break up with her (it happened to me before I gave her a second chance cause I believe in second chances) I just feel like she is not honest with me and when I do ask her about this guy and what really happened. she gets frustrated and hangs up or doesn't really wanna talk about it...

[Iceman26]

I think that she either fooled around with that guy and has a guilty conscience about it, or she enjoys messing with you. Personally I feel that if she cares about being with you, she would do what she could that is within reason to preserve your relationship.

 

Keep in mind that your mindless speculation is an insidious enemy that is eating you up from the inside. It does no good.

 

If you are going to make a decision on what to do with your situation, keep it based on the facts and on proof, not what you "think" may have happened.

[Massari]

Keep in mind that your mindless speculation is an insidious enemy that is eating you up from the inside. It does no good.

 

iceman this is exactly how I feel.. something inside is killing me and yeah I am probably wrong about it. but when I talk to her about it she gets mad at me and she says stuff like " akhhhh you are crazy, I'll talk to you later then she hangs up the phone" and that doesn make sense to me. I know for a fact that if something bothers her she can talk to me about it. This thing happened on the same day that I told her I was talking to my ex. this might be a revange thing she was doing. cause I told her at around 12 noon. and the this happened at night. and she told me about it a day after. I dunno how he got his number in teh first place but I know that she has his number so chances are she called him.. went out with him for coffee and then she is telling me a different story all together. I KNOW IF I ASK HER she will get mad but I don't want to.

[Iceman26]

Well, what are you going to do?

[Massari]

I am not going to end it .. I know that I mean it would be pretty dumb I think If I do that end a great relationship with some jealousy problem of mine. if thats the problem and yeah she is not doing anything wronge here. but I have to change my way or viewing and reacting to this, its just not right. thats what I think. would you say the problem is on my side being too controlling too jealous insecure or what she is doing is no right?

[Iceman26]

What you need to realize is that these are not jealousy problems you are having.

 

If I was dating a girl that hung out with guys who were her "friends" but these guys were constantly hitting on her, I'd end it. Not because I don't trust her or because I am jealous, but because I wouldn't want to be with someone that makes bad judgement calls and places themselves in a situation that KNOWINGLY would make me uncomfortable.