VIRGOLDY Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Ok first off, I'm not posting to be berated. I just want to get some feedback. I work with the public..in a store. I have been there almost two years, and last year I met a guy "J" who I am EXTREMELY attracted to. The sparks were flying. Anyway, I don't see him all that often because my schedule changes often. The thing is..J is married and has three boys. His wife and sons come in on occasion as well. I know J is attracted to me because he flirts with me...but respectfully. He never makes snide remarks or anything. He says stuff like "Women like you make it tough for married men like me"...but in a playful way. The thing is..I like it. Yes I know he is married and I don't go for married men. He came in today, and the store was empty, except for me and him. So we flirted back and forth, and he said he hoped he didn't offend me by flirting with me, but the truth is I am turned on by him. It has NOTHING to do with him being married, or with someone else. It's CHEMISTRY. So before he left, he said if I ever needed anything to give him a call..and he wrote his cell number down, then paid and left. So about an hour later, I was with a customer and he called the store..once again to say he hoped I was not offended by anything he said, but that he just finds me very attractive. So my question is....do you all think he wants to have an affair with me? I am not going to, just wondering whats going on in his mind. I KNOW I should not feel like this about a married man...so please don't judge me because I do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 This is not a judgment but a prediction. If you play with fire you will get burned. This situation is a flame waiting to hurt you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Stop it before it goes anywhere. This is not just chemistry, this is the father of 3 boys and the husband of another woman. Do you really want to start something with a man that you know is cheating on someone and dishonoring his promises and betraying his family. This is not about you and him when there are children because those children don't deserve to be treated like this. Respect them and his wife, think about the pain they will suffer. Don't wonder about what his motivations are, its just a scape goat or excuse to make the cheating seem less horrible. It doesn't matter if his wife is an ogre or if she doesn't sleep with him or if he just wants to see if he can bag another girl, you don't need to enable him to do any of it. Cut it off, he's not worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElektraHere Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 I have to agree with DN. Step away from it and look at it rationally. This fire you should walk away from and not look back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AwdreeHpburn Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 I'm sure he WANTS to have an affair with you and I see why you're flattered rather than offended. I don't think a relationship is out of the question, if and when he no longer has a wife. I respect you for having the boundaries you do. Maybe you should just make them clear to him. You don't mind flirting and you would love the chance to date him, but that you won't whilst he's married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VIRGOLDY Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 Thanks. I have too many morals to sleep with a married man. I'm attracted to him..not stupid. Why do seemingly "happily" married men do this? Truthfully, he REALLY doesn't seem like the type to cheat on his wife...which is probably a big reason I am so flattered. SIGH: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 He's making sure he's still 'got it'. Or he really is trying to start an affair. Either way he's not behaving well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AwdreeHpburn Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Well, not just married MEN do it but I suppose its for the same reasons single people do. It makes them feel attractive and wanted by someone other than their spouse. We ALL like to feel attractive.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
friscodj Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 To answer your question, it could be a lot of things. It could also be an impulse of hormones,nothing further, and the "next step" will be a wake-up call for him to stop this. He could just be flirting, having fun, inflating his ego a bit seeing how far things will go, getting a little pick-me-up from your attention and interest which he may not be getting at home. He might want to have an affair. But the only person who really knows what's in his mind is him. If you want to find out for sure you should talk to him. Or in my mind the better option is to walk away... And when you say you "shouldn't feel this way for a married man", you can't control that, there's no shame in having the hots for a married guy, but you can control what you do with those feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VIRGOLDY Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 So DN, what would be an approapriate way to handle this. He KNOWS I am attracted to him. I think he's feeling me out to see if I would pursue things with him. I'm not going to bite though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AwdreeHpburn Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Not to answer for DN - But I think THAT is how you should proceed. Don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 The way to handle it is to back away from flirting, treat him in an entirely professional manner when he comes into the store and if he asks what's wrong tell him that you think you were getting just a little too friendly with a married customer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VIRGOLDY Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 I agree with you all in that he may be looking for an ego boost. I think he's been married to his wife out of high school..and maybe he's bored right now. If he was single he would be in trouble..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AwdreeHpburn Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 It's a good job he is then....maybe he's safer?? -raer- ( (kidding) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beyondthesea Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 He wants the attention and is bored with the routine of marriage. Unfortunately, married men who are out looking for someone else aren't looking for a relationship, they are looking for a mistress. I would tell him it's not appropriate for him to be pursuing you and if he continues you'll phone him up and talk to his wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day_Walker Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 I think that he is approaching the situation in a cautious manner. It may be that he wants to have an affair with you but for the time being it seems that he is awknowledging his attraction for you. It looks like he is open for things to happen even though things may not progress to this level. I think you are about to put yourself in a volitile situation, since you know that he has 3 children and a wife. I would first ask yourself why you want to get involved with that and the answer just isnt simply attraction it has more to do with the way this guy makes you feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caldus Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 I think that he is approaching the situation in a cautious manner. It may be that he wants to have an affair with you but for the time being it seems that he is awknowledging his attraction for you. It looks like he is open for things to happen even though things may not progress to this level. I think you are about to put yourself in a volitile situation, since you know that he has 3 children and a wife. I would first ask yourself why you want to get involved with that and the answer just isnt simply attraction it has more to do with the way this guy makes you feel. I agree with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadows Light Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 I know its cliche' but if I had a dime for every time a man told me his wife is a nasty mean fire breathing dragon and he felt unappreciated and unloved...I would be a rich woman indeed. Trust me on this one... .do not call his cell phone. Tell him you lost it. And start talking loud and clear about the "great guy you just started dating".... give him a gentlemans exit. And by all means... CUT down on the flirting... or... if the flirting increases and he presses you to meet him etc... tell him "NO" he's a married man and tell him you are insulted that he would treat you or cast you in the light of MISTRESS. If he turns on the water-works with stories of the mean nasty fire breathing dragon... RUN RUN RUN.. don't look back.. RUN.. he's probably full of crap. Tell him to spice up his sex life by other means. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iceman26 Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 So my question is....do you all think he wants to have an affair with me? Absolutely. He was vague about leaving his number and then apologized to you because he realizes his job (and possibly his marriage) could be at stake if you chose to take his comments and his number as sexual harassment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XLiFeLeSs_GaZeX Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 This is not a judgment but a prediction. If you play with fire you will get burned. This situation is a flame waiting to hurt you. AGREEE!!!! And I would like to add, you wont just be hurting yourself but others around you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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