girlfriend has this painting done by an ex- I think I need advice

[jjreadme]

I just found out the painting on the wall next to my girlfriend's bed was done by her ex-boyfriend of five years. I have noticed the painting and never thought to ask and only found out when I looked at the signature. Is this something I should be alarmed over? The broke up a year ago and were long distance for 1 of the 4 years. She says she loves me but I find this odd, I had a six year relationship with a woman and she was a painter/graphic designer and I have none of her work around out of respect to future girlfriends.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Personally I would feel exactly the same way you do, as I also out of respect for future BFs, do not believe in flaunting (displaying) anything in their face that is a remnant of a past relationship. It is possible that maybe she has simply had it on the wall for so long, that she has forgotten the original significance of it. Maybe you should mention as casually as possible that it makes you a little uncomfortable. See how she reacts. I would think that (speaking from my own feelings on how I would react if I were her), that as soon as she found out it made you uncomfortable, she would simply either take it down, or offer to relocate it some where a little less......next to her bed.....such as the crawlspace, or the garage.....

 

If she is not amenable to that, though, I personally would feel that she was not respecting your feelings.

[annie24]

welcome to eNotalone.

 

I wouldn't be concerned over the painting alone. Maybe she just likes it and that is the only reason it is up. I know I have plenty of things my exes gave me, but I never tossed it as I just liked the items and lost all associations with the exes.

 

Does she do anything else that makes you question her committment?

[Dako]

It's a part of her life, and we all have a past. I don't see much point of discarding these things. What if she had kids, a house or furniture from a previous guy? It happens.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Yeah, but no one said "discard".

 

I have photos, of my exes kissing, making out, being very lovey dovey. No one said I had to discard them. Simply have enough respect to put them away.

[annie24]

I am curious about the state of the relationship in general....

[jjreadme]

Thanks to all who have posted. The question asked was the state of the relationship is that we have each said we love the other and have discussed moving in together. I just never really noticed the name of the artist on the painting until recently.

[annie24]

So, everything else is fine except for the painting? Do you think she has feelings for her ex or something?

 

would you be willing to buy her a new painting to replace the one her ex did?

 

All I know is that art is expensive, and maybe she just likes it. And if she got rid of it, she'd have to find something else to cover up that patch of wall with, and maybe that's just too much hassel and money for her right now.

 

And maybe she's forgotten her ex even drew it!

 

However, I see your point - if I were moving in with a SO, I wouldn't like a picture his ex drew staring, looking down on us on our bed. When it comes time to move in together, I would just kindly ask that the painting be moved to a less conspicious area, like teddybear said.

[vesper]

I have a painting my ex gave me. He wrote something in french on the back when we broke up. I dont know what it says. It is in my mother's garage, there is no way that I would display it on my walls, especially the bedroom.

[Aurian]

I have some jewelry and a teddy bear my ex gave me that I can't bear to throw away because I simply like them a lot. I threw out everything else he's ever given me because the feelings outweighed the "liking" for those items. The painting could be the same. Perhaps she just likes it a lot.

 

Bring it up with her, and just ask why she has it still.

[EvaGina]

hmmmm

I would say leave it

I mean, all it shows is distrust for this woman... when (as far as I know) you have no reason to distrust her

Im still very good friends with my ex... half a dozen paintings of mine are still on his walls... it doesnt mean anything except that we still have a great reletionship. That we broke up so well that we can still be big parts of eachothers lives without rooting.

[monkey1]

Yeah, leave it alone. Unless it's of his face or something, I mean really, what's the big deal?

 

When you move, maybe you can have her leave it in storage or like someone suggested, another area of the house that isn't used much or whatever.

[Karibo]

I still wear the ring my ex bought me sometimes (we split up three years ago) simply becaue i like it so much as I chose it, not because I still like him.

[Momene]

I don't keep stuff related to exes out of respect to my wife and daughter.

 

... and my dog!

[Shyguy24]

Hmm yeah dogs u got to respect there too cute

 

anyway whats the fuss about its a stupid painting ..get over it already she is with u not her ex ..thats the reality and thats about it

[AwdreeHpburn]

I'd say this is pretty personal decision. JJ Maybe you should chat to your gf about it.

 

Ask if it's real sentimental, if she just likes the art work, if she would mind taking it down...etc. Go at it from all angles with her to just find out how SHE feels about it and why it's up.

 

I found a really cool picture my husband had from before us, in a box. I liked it so I asked if I could put it up. He told me it was a photograph his ex took during her photography class and had given him.

 

Whatever, it's a cool picture and he and I both like it so it's hanging up in our dining room.

 

Ain't nuttin' but a thang.

 

Find out her attachment, if she has one, and let her know how YOU feel about it. If you can't handle discussing openly and honestly how you feel about this, what are you going to do if you move in and there's much bigger issues?