Imperceptible Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 A man I was seeing asked me if I wanted to be his friends with benefits because he was too busy with his job for a relationship. I took some advice from you all and said no. We remained friends. I saw him today at a restaurant we went to often. He was with another girl! !! As I was walking through the door I saw him sitting at a table near the door and I ran out before he could see me. I didn't know he would be there. I was hungry and the restaurant is my favorite place to eat lunch. How could he take her to my favorite restaurant? He never heard of the place before we met. How can he replace me like I meant nothing? He called me to talk an hour ago. We talked for 30 minutes and he didn't say anything about his new girl. He talked more than me because I was so How can I be the kind of friend whos not going to get jealous whenever he meets someone new? Is it better to break off the friendship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mun Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Hey girl, I understand how you feel and why you are upset. Look at it this way, maybe he is his new "friend with benefits" because you were the Smart girl who said NO. I don't know if you can really be friends after that, I mean, he did ask you to be his fwb. Some girls would be offended. How did you feel about it? If you are so upset, then maybe a little distance would be good. For awhile. Then after that you can decide if you still want that friendship. Love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imperceptible Posted July 20, 2006 Author Share Posted July 20, 2006 I was very upset. I thought we were dating and things were getting serious. Then he started talking about he was trying to get a promotion at work and he needed to spend more time in the office. He didn't want his job to get in the way of a fulfilling relationship and since he was being considered for a promotion work would get in the way. I've never been in a serious relationship so I considered saying yes because I wanted to feel wanted and I liked the illusion of intimacy he seemed to give me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nottoogreen Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Hi Imperceptible, He can be with a girl, you can be with a guy. It's easier for some people to take benefits and not worry about feelings. Your feelings are natural, which is why FWB would not be a good thing for you. Take it as an experience, stay friends with him, you will get over it. No more next time, perhaps don't let guy-friends talk to you too intimately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 This guy sounds very inconsiderate and only out for sex. I'd say you were better off without him, its good you said no. Any one who says "lets just have sex because I don't want to spend too much time with you" is not worth wasting you time on. My question is how do you know this was a new girl? Are you sure its not just a co-worker or another friend? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imperceptible Posted July 21, 2006 Author Share Posted July 21, 2006 This guy sounds very inconsiderate and only out for sex. I'd say you were better off without him, its good you said no. Any one who says "lets just have sex because I don't want to spend too much time with you" is not worth wasting you time on. My question is how do you know this was a new girl? Are you sure its not just a co-worker or another friend? Him and I went bowling with some friends once and she was there with her friends a few lanes down. He mostly talked to her friends. She might be a coworker or a friend. She was flirting with him in front of me but he told her he was with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJRon Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Given the emotions you show in the post, I would suspect that any kind of relationship with this guy is a bad idea for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vandgsmom Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Can I ask a clarifying question here??: I thought we were dating and things were getting serious. So you were sort of dating before? He didn't just pop up out of the blue and ask you that? If so, I don't know if I would be more highly offended that we had been dating and he asked me if we could lay off on the relationship thing, but could I still be available for the odd casual screw OR If we weren't dating and he just asked a pretty girl if she would be okay with screwing occasionally knowing full well there was no relationship to be had... Either way, a quick knee to his jewels would probably make you feel better... Barring that, I think you just need to walk away from the friendship at least for a while until you can deal with your emotions. Good Luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josh30041 Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 either just be friends, friends with benefits or a relationship. Nothing wrong with friends with benefits but dont expect it to work out forever. Same witrh dating. Right now im looking for a relationship. But alos having fun before then. And not with every girl I meet. Guy has to have just friends too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orangeapple Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 you sound like you want more than just friends/w benefits and I think you'll be constantly disappointed and hurt with this can of an arrangement. perhaps you should stay away until your feelings for him are not so strong, and when you're really ready, yes you can probably be his friend. hope this helps Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imperceptible Posted July 25, 2006 Author Share Posted July 25, 2006 Can I ask a clarifying question here??: So you were sort of dating before? He didn't just pop up out of the blue and ask you that? If so, I don't know if I would be more highly offended that we had been dating and he asked me if we could lay off on the relationship thing, but could I still be available for the odd casual screw OR If we weren't dating and he just asked a pretty girl if she would be okay with screwing occasionally knowing full well there was no relationship to be had... Either way, a quick knee to his jewels would probably make you feel better... Barring that, I think you just need to walk away from the friendship at least for a while until you can deal with your emotions. Good Luck! I would feel very happy if I could knee him in the jewels now I would've been less offended if he just asked me to screw around. But he waited until we were dating each other and my feelings for him grew before he asked me. If he told me what he wanted up front then I wouldn't be so angry seeing him with another woman. I sure would like to knee him in the jewels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imperceptible Posted July 25, 2006 Author Share Posted July 25, 2006 Thanks everyone. I will stay away from him until I can get my emotions under control. We went bowling and we went to a concert after I told him I wouldn't be his fwb and we talk on the phone a few times per week. How do I start no contact? I don't want to boost his ego by telling him I need to stay away from him because I have feelings for him and I can't seem to get over him. I don't want to ignore him and give him the cold shoulder if I decide I want to be his friend later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nottoogreen Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 Hi Imperceptible, Your last post is more sensible. For many guys FWB is like free beer. File this one under experience and next time it comes up. "I considered FWB already, it's not the right thing for me because I might attach." Any reasonable guy will accept this. Don't be sitting duck, go out, meet people, date, gain experience and confidence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imperceptible Posted July 25, 2006 Author Share Posted July 25, 2006 Hi Imperceptible, Your last post is more sensible. For many guys FWB is like free beer. File this one under experience and next time it comes up. "I considered FWB already, it's not the right thing for me because I might attach." Any reasonable guy will accept this. Don't be sitting duck, go out, meet people, date, gain experience and confidence. Sometimes good advice takes a while to get to my resistant brain. Now I'll dedicate a whole drawer in my relationship file cabinet to the FWB experience because I don't want a repeat of that experience in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amazona Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 You may know more about what u should do than you think. You don't want his friendship anymore. The minute either of you desired to trade in the frienship for something different, your friendship changed. So even tho right now you are wondering whether or not you should conserve this friendship, the problem may really be, can you? Bottom line is, he was willing to risk his friendship with you just to get laid and that says a lot about what kind of friend he was to you to begin with. Unless he does something to convince you otherwise, it may be best to take some space, maintain a friendly approach to him, but stand your ground and take care of yourself. Friends are supposed to look out for each other, regardless of gender. He didn't look out for you, he looked out for himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nottoogreen Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Amazona, Life evolves, friendships evolve. Friends have ideas - how about we do some business together? Friends have urges, women too btw - Why not make love? Because it depends on the feelings and objectives of both. True lasting friendships are difficult to develop, please do not throw friendships away over everyday issues like money or sexual urges. Respect counts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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