easyguy Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 I'm only 19 years old, but feel and act a bit older than my age. That sort of deprived the means of me meeting someone throughout high school. Now I am left to wonder how much luck I will have in the near future. So many young women stereotype young men as being out of control, pathological liars. It hurts when you've never met someone, have been trying to meet someone, and have no luck because they either have preconcieved notions about you, and/or they just don't know what they want. Do girls/women actually like mature guys nowadays? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New_Horizons Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 Could you clarify...what do you mean by 'feel and act older than my age'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 What difference does it make if they've got some preconcieved notions. You can't control people and something like that shouldn't daunt you. So what? Prove to them that you're different. You certainly shouldn't feel entitled to their blind faith and trust in you right from the get go. Only time and your actions can tell them who you really are; not your words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 I like mature men. That doesn't mean they have to be older. I happen to think you are a mature person and think you have a good head on your shoulders. If a woman can't see that and respect you for that, then do you really want to be with her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CynicalGuitarist Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 Yeah they do... if he's handsome enough to back it up... otherwise he's just "boring". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melee18 Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 As a college girl, I do enjoy the guys at school that are mature. They usually have a sense of direction about their life and usually know how to treat girls well. That's not to say I don't enjoy goofing around with my immature guy friends every once in a while too. I don't think any less of my immature friends, simply that everyone is at different points in their lives. i wouldn't focus so much on how mature or not you are, but rather i would focus on enjoying the moment, and having fun. Maturity is different for everyone, and i wouldn't worry about as far as meeting girls goes. Eventually, when you least expect it, a girl that appriciates all of your aspects will come along. Sometimes when we stop trying so hard to do something or get something, it comes to us right away! So go have fun! You may be mature, but you're never too old to enjoy life! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dating Coach Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 What do you mean by mature? Level headed, have direction in life, etc? Those are good things. But are you fun, outgoing, challenging, have a sense of humor, etc? You said that you've been trying to meet girls and I would like you to elaborate on that if you could. Do you feel you need a girlfriend? Do you feel like your life is missing something if you don't have one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 When I was 13 (and sometimes even until now) people would always tell me I was mature. It caused me to stretch into maturity even more, just by being labeled that. I wanted people to keep thinking of me that way. It was the only identity I respected. I didn't show the others sides of myself...for long. Then, by being serious all the time, I missed out on a lot of fun and silliness that I was still young enough to get away with. But like then, I am embarrassed to act that way today a lot of times...even if I've stopped minding if others do. I think people are complex and everyone has a maturity in them. I believe maturity is understanding and taking interests in real issues towards your life. You can't really escape issues in life because it all eventually will at one point or another inevitably lead you to experience more mature thoughts or at least feelings. Depth and even pain is just too mutual sometimes. But life is not all REAL issues. Most of the time, it's either bland or seemingly shallow and small talk and just making it through the day. If you are scared to ever just let go labels and be whatever you want, then you will only get people as insecure as you- even if they are insecure in other ways. So you only think that girls have labeled you because you are finding the ones who are scared... not the confident ones. We attract to us people who feel they can relate to us in some way. Even if not on a high note, insecure people have a way of coming together. You don't see really confident people hanging around them for long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seko Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 You can't really answer the question "do girls like ___ guys"? Different girls like different guys, for lots of different reasons. To answer your question simply, I like mature guys - so do a lot of other girls I know. A lot of them actually complain that guys around our age aren't mature enough. However, I think a lot of people prefer if a guy knows when to show his more mature, upstanding, and serious side...and also knows when to let his sillier side show. Flirting, for example, is often very silly. How is a girl to know you like her if you keep a respectable distance and just talk to her in a "mature" manner the whole time? A lot of girls like a guy that can make her laugh, or at least amuse her. Don't get so caught up in being mature that you can't loosen up and be playful. I think your big obstacle will be finding a girl who is at the same maturity level that you are at 19. As much as some girls like to complain that guys at 19 aren't mature enough....a lot of girls really aren't either. Not to be mean, but I would assume that if you really are having *that* many problems with meeting girls...it's really not about the maturity (unless, like I suggested before, your maturity keeps you from being silly and flirtateous). The thing about the preconcieved notions...well, are you going for girls at and around your own age? It seems only older girls would be very bothered by pre-concieved notions of what you are. Girls your age would be more likely to know the stereotypes aren't always true OR not care becuase they aren't really going for 40-something year olds Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
easyguy Posted July 19, 2006 Author Share Posted July 19, 2006 Ah, perhaps I should elaborate. My "maturity" is that I treat people with respect, I'm nice (but not a suck-up), I'm a gentleman, I know exactly what I want in life and never have second thoughts about it, I accept things as they come (such as being rejected by a girl), and I don't like having girls play the whole "game" thing. In light of that, I still have a sense of humor and can be funny, flirty, what have you. I just have to be around the right person/right people. But my overall demeanor is a devoted, serious young man with a passion for doing things that I enjoy, and am generally not bogged down by having been single my entire life. I've just grown accustomed to it over the years. I find happiness in my hobbies, but I sometimes wish I had that sense of intimacy with someone. I think that part of why I am this way is because I grew up so tremendously shy and reclusive, just fascinated by my own hobbies. I almost seemed separated from the world when it came to meeting people. Before I started visiting this forum, I didn't even know what "flirting" was. I didn't know the first thing about social interaction in genearl. All in all, I have always had this social barrier between others and myself. But over time that has changed. I've become more accepting of myself, and have slowly opened up to others. I'm not super shy anymore, but I'm not open enough to go to a public place where there is an attractive young lady and strike up a conversaton. But I have noticed that I am less afraid to talk to a random person in public, given that they are friendly enough to want to talk. DiggityDogg, I must admit that I have yet to put two feet forward so to speak when it comes to meeting girls. I've never been to a party in my life; it just doesn't interest me. I don't feel that I NEED a girlfriend, but like I said, I sometimes feel deprived and lonely. For a while now I have resorted to internet dating/personals sites, but haven't had much luck. I went on a date with one girl a couple months ago from a site called Craig's List, but she flaked out after the first date. I forgot about her a week later when I never heard back from her. Since then I have been on a dry run. Before long I'll force myself to get over the fear of talking to girls in public at random, because it seems like internet dating is not my thing. I don't feel that I am dependent on others for happiness, but it's just that "what if" urge that sometimes takes over. Anyway, I hope that covers it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dating Coach Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 Post your personal profile so we can see what's up. I'm not talking about pics or a link, but what your profile says about you. Maybe we can help make it more interesting and get you more bites. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
easyguy Posted July 20, 2006 Author Share Posted July 20, 2006 I removed my profile on the couple of dating websites I used to go to several weeks ago because I hadn't gotten a response... ever. On Craig's List, there's no real profile. You just post an "ad" about yourself, talking about what you wish. I've posted mine a few times (once with a pic, got a response, but she had to move out of state just a few days afterwards), but I usually write the same stuff. I'm usually direct with it, and try to think of a creative headline to use as bait, and ad text would say something like: "Well now that I got your attention... I'm 19, in college, and play music. Actually, I enjoy art in general. I'm on break from college and making ends meet by working part time, enjoying the weather, and trying to stay sane. Personality wise, I'm down-to-earth, trustworthy, [etc...]. Likewise, I'm looking for someone with some similar traits. Shoot me an email if you might be it!" I try to keep it short and to the point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostInMyThoughts Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 I think you're looking for love in the wrong places. At your age, you probably won't find women on those sites that are interested in meeting someone your age. You also have to remember that there is a disproportionate amount of men on these sites, compared to women. Since you're in college, you're gonna have better luck meeting someone at the library or at a college party than you will on a dating site. Personally I've met a lot of girls volunteering and doing community service, than I ever have through online-dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin T Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Do girls/women actually like mature guys nowadays? No. They want someone who gets drunk with them every night who cheats on them and treats them like dirt. (I only say what I see, you know.) I can't count the number of guys who I know that treat their girlfriends like crap; by lying to them, hitting them, cheating on them, and drinking like fish. But these girls choose to stay with these guys!? It doesn't make one whit of sense to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 No. They want someone who gets drunk with them every night who cheats on them and treats them like dirt. (I only say what I see, you know.) I can't count the number of guys who I know that treat their girlfriends like crap; by lying to them, hitting them, cheating on them, and drinking like fish. But these girls choose to stay with these guys!? It doesn't make one whit of sense to me. Only the minority out of the whole world population that is. Most will not lower themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin T Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Hmm, I guess almost every female I know firsthand is the "minority" then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Or could be you're looking at the wrong places. Then it also depends on how low their self-esteem is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin T Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 School, work, church are ALL terrible places to look? Well then, where do you propose that I look for a suitable companion? I personally think it is as you say. The battered woman syndrome. They love the guy so much and have such damaged self-esteem, that they choose to stick by the guy no matter how horribly abusive the guy is. What really sticks in my craw, however, is that I would never in a million years treat any of those girls in such a way, yet I am alone, and those creeps are not! Where is the justice in that?! Bah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dating Coach Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Kevin, I don't know where you are located at but not many women I know stick with guys who are like that. The few that do have low self esteem. No girl (that is sane) wants a guy who treats them bad, but neither will they be attracted to a subserviant pushover guy whose only goal or happiness in life is her. If you are having problems meeting girls then perhaps instead of blaming the female gender take a deep look at yourself and what you are doing wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin T Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Ah, the victim blamer... You know it's much easier to blame me for things that I have nothing to do with it. But it makes no sense. I was simply stating a FACT of what I see firsthand. Am I making it up that most of the girls I know choose to stay with guys like that? Hardly. My attitude toward women has little if nothing to do with them preferring guys like that over myself. Or does it? C'mon, gimme a break. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Kevin, calling yourself a victim is probably not the best method to make yourself attractive to women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin T Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 lol Touche. But I was talking to Dogg, not women in general. I try to avoid the "v" word when conversing with the femmes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dating Coach Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Ah, the victim blamer... You know it's much easier to blame me for things that I have nothing to do with it. But it makes no sense. I was simply stating a FACT of what I see firsthand. Am I making it up that most of the girls I know choose to stay with guys like that? Hardly. My attitude toward women has little if nothing to do with them preferring guys like that over myself. Or does it? C'mon, gimme a break. Wait... you are saying that it makes more sense to blame a gender than to look at what you might be doing wrong? I don't buy that. In fact, it is this whole "victim" attitude which is part of what is unattractive. You don't even have to say this but it will show through your actions and personality if you really feel this way. But instead of just going back and forth over insubstantial claims, why don't you give us some specific situations you've endured in the past with women. Or maybe give us examples of how you met your previous crushes and how you asked them out. Things like that. Maybe we can get to the bottom of things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 In fact, it is this whole "victim" attitude which is part of what is unattractive. You don't even have to say this but it will show through your actions and personality if you really feel this way. I agree with that, it is a very unattractive quality. A girl doesn't exactly dream that some knight is going to ride up and then start whining to us about how all the other knights get the princesses, and that life isn't fair..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spider007 Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 A girl doesn't exactly dream that some knight is going to ride up and then start whining to us about how all the other knights get the princesses, and that life isn't fair..... I seriously laughed at that one. I could see the picture too. more on point; Mature guys come of as stuck up, and "no fun". I've seen somany guys, that have notting going for them yat they pull tail all the time.....especially the "thug wanna bes" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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