Daddy Bear Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 swimmer lost against the currents all-too-everyday occurrence drowns for lack of self-assurance dirty word indeed this hand closes tight with rage that hand flips to final page cue the trap-door on the stage shelter me from need oh, that we were children in the arms of mothers dear snuggled at the bosom of content wiser, sadder, lonelier and older every year this is not the way we thought it went everybody's slowly getting bent sound and color lose their pop harvesting a bitter crop start me up and make it stop please don't let me bleed just a speck of something new sparkling with morning dew i pick it up and find it's you a precious tiny seed falling to my knees and i am scratching in the dirt i throw aside the weeds to make your bed hoping for a poppy to arise and end the hurt all i want, a single spot of red blooming in the dust bowl of my head come on, baby come on, baby come on, beauty flower, come on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melee18 Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 i like - especially the second to last stanza Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neva_black_n_white Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 OMG you legend.. as if you hadnt blossomed earlier.. how long have you been storing this talent? you are just.. omg, i love it. But really, i seriously enjoyed your poem. Your an inspiration for me at the minute (not for words, since experiences and perceptions differ.. just in genuine talent. its impressive) maybe aspiration is a better word neva Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brando Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 I love the rhythmn of this poem. Nice work bent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Yea, nice use of the words, it does makes sense, keep writing!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheRedQueen Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 The content is incredible, however the cadence and the rhyme scheme are a bit off for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Bear Posted July 23, 2006 Author Share Posted July 23, 2006 thanks for your comments. TRQ, maybe if you heard me read it out loud you would find the meter a bit more to your liking. or maybe not, i don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AwdreeHpburn Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Bendah - another one out of the park! I like it. I like how you worked in an explanation of your screen name - sort of - Oh, and i like the 2nd to last graph too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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