Massari Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Well, the texts are usually little things about her day...sometimes she says she's having a hard night or something. She's sent a couple emails...i'll copy part of one below... I thought all night about "meant to be." People say that you just "know." And I think that I /will/ know with time. But I hate time...I hate waiting for it to pass, or wishing it would go slower, or all the other things that you and I have both felt over the past year and half when dealing with our frequent separations and reuniting. And now I'm simply waiting for time to pass so that i can sort out my feelings...time never stops, but I wish I for once could be at the same pace that it is. --the frequent seperations and reuniting thing refers to her being abroad...not breaking up. I noticed a point in her message..its all about her. its not about your feelings at all and what you are going through. its either she doesn know that is or frankly doesn't care. she wants to get better by putting you in a spot to slove the problem for her.. don't you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Massari has a very good point. This whole situation is about HER! What about you and how you feel? She has not even considered for one mili-second how this affects you. Her actions are very selfish. I think you have a good plan. I know you can stick to it, I have faith in you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tretneo Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 I noticed that pattern as well, my ex talks the same way, only in regards to herself and her feelings and needs. It is depressing and tough to realize but it is something to recognize. Rob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guy0221 Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 I guess I never noticed that either...she never once says anything about what I may be going through. Here is another excerpt... First of all, I need to you to know that I dont' fear committment to you, or to anyone. If anything, all I want is simply to be sure of something, of anything. I am still shocked at how all of this could have happened (i told you that yesterday), and am utterly devastated that after everything we put into each other, there was some part of me that was weak and couldn't sustain. That said, I also need to tell you that I dont' regret or think negatively of even a moment of our relationship. You were the most loyal, devoted, kind boyfriend I could have ever asked for. this is why I talked yesterday about my need to learn to love unselfishly. I want to learn to be as giving as you are. you never for a second in our relationship hesitated to give of yourself, and I know that I at times could be self involved, and that I took your love for granted, and now that you are away from me I see that very clearly. One thing that scares me about my current state of mind is that I get chills and my stomach hurts when I see her use past tense in describing our relationship...maybe i have not accepted that it is over yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Massari Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 this second message is abit more promissing to say the least.she is thinkinb through about the relationship and mentioned that you are the best bf. but again she said she is devestated and all but i am sure you are then she is.. feeling of confusion that she has is bad but what you are going through is the worst. I have been in her situation before and you end up hurting the other person more you suffer from the confusion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 True, she is devestated but I do not see her doing anything about it. We all feel devestated when a relationship ends, whether we are the dumpee or the dumper. There is a feeling of failure BUT it does NOT mean the he/she wants the person back. Remember, actions speak louder than words. Hang in there Guy, we are all rootin' for ya! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guy0221 Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 I agree...at least in her case she is confused and doesn't know what she wants...I KNOW what I want and like Rob said..."am powerless". Until she does something about it, she will have to live with the devastation. Her confusion is masking her feelings for me...once she clears her mind...those true feelings will come out...whatever they may be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guy0221 Posted August 3, 2006 Author Share Posted August 3, 2006 I have found myself checking my cell phone and email less...logging onto here more...i think that is a good sign for me. I'm still fearing that inevitable email from her...or that text saying she needs to talk to me. by the way massari, i am going on the date tomorrow still. this new girl knows my situation and has no expectations...in fact i knew her a couple years ago and have talked to her about my current feelings...i'm a little excited actually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Massari Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 well when she messages you .. message her back but do your thing and be in the process of moving on. and I am so happy you have a date. Don't guard yourself so you wouldn't develope something new with this woman. Believe it or not that developing a new relationship would be a way to fast forward your healing process (for me it was at least) that is if you don't stop yourself from doing so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Massari Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 btw some say its not good to get into a relationship when you are not healed. ppl even said it to me. but I did it and now I am GLAD that I did it. maybe its good for you maybe its not, depends how much you want to be healed and whether this healing means with another person.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guy0221 Posted August 3, 2006 Author Share Posted August 3, 2006 It took all I had to get out of bed today. I've gone from working out every night and eating right...to being lazy in front of the TV with junk food. I felt better when I was excersizing...obviously...where did my motivation go? I'm also nervous about this date tonite...i'm not sure how I am going to feel with another woman. i guess if anything, it will be eye opening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Massari Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 guy I know what you mean by motivation.. it feels you have no energy for anything anymore.. but slowly you will get back on your feet. just have fun at the date, don't think too much about it. we are all here for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guy0221 Posted August 3, 2006 Author Share Posted August 3, 2006 Well, the reason I am confused is that the first 2 weeks of the breakup, i DID have motivation to go run and eat well...it's just been these past couple days...I have no energy. Why the regression? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Guy, It is the dreaded emotional rollor coaster. It is very normal. One day you feel okay, carry on your normal routine and the next can make you feel horrible and alone. I feel it is your mind and body adjusting to the changes. Kind of like your body "de-toxing." I know it hurts, it is confusing but it is important to realize how you are feeling is normal. One day at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guy0221 Posted August 3, 2006 Author Share Posted August 3, 2006 It is very strange this roller coaster. I've come to the conclusion that I feel best after we talk or have contact because I know it will be a while before I have to deal with it again. Now that I have been NC for 3 days, I know she is going to try and contact me this weekend. I have this odd connection with her that I always know when she'll be needing me. I fear any new developments. I just want to live with where I am for a while and not have to worry about the future. I just have a bad feeling that the worst is not over with yet. This roller coaster is no fun...I want my money back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shellshocked Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 This roller coaster is no fun...I want my money back. So I say invite her along for the ride! If/when she contacts you this week, don't be too quick to pick up phone/respond to the text/email. Wait, and respond the next day with something along the lines of, "Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. Was out having dinner with Susie (or whatever your date's name is...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guy0221 Posted August 3, 2006 Author Share Posted August 3, 2006 Last weekend I did the same thing...she texted me 3 times and I never sent anything back. then she pleaded to talk on the phone. we talked and I got nothing but more confusion from her. I'm going to try and just not respond at all unless she has come to any decisions...but then...the only decision i want to hear is, "i made a mistake, i do love you and you are the only person i want." unless something alludes that she may say that, i will try my hardest to ignore her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tretneo Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Sounds like a good plan Guy, try and stick to that. But at the same time please remember that they are just words. My ex begged and pleaded and told me that she would spend forever proving her love to me after she was "confused" and cheated in March. Then a few months later she is "confused" again and left me for someone else. Just be careful about words. Rob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Good plan Guy! I have all the faith in you! Stay strong. Keep posting here as often as you need to. I am rootin' for ya! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Massari Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Sounds like a good plan Guy, try and stick to that. But at the same time please remember that they are just words. My ex begged and pleaded and told me that she would spend forever proving her love to me after she was "confused" and cheated in March. Then a few months later she is "confused" again and left me for someone else. Just be careful about words. Rob Guy rob made an excellent point here. if she did say these words that you want to hear thats excellent but you need to make it clear that this Final. no more cofusion after this cause I think confiusions are BS in the first place and you DO NOT Need to go through the same crap again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guy0221 Posted August 4, 2006 Author Share Posted August 4, 2006 I will be weary of any words that she might say...at least in the immediate future. I trust her to be sincere if she comes to me though. She is that type of girl. On to last night...I had a second date with the new girl. It still felt weird to be going out with another girl. I found myself a bit annoyed at times because our banter was not nearly as slick as it was with my ex. It was nice, however, to talk to someone new and feel a little bit of excitement. I woke up this morning feeling no different though. I still long to wake up next to the old gf. Mornings are the worst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tretneo Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 yeah I hear you Guy, Mornings have been rough for me too. I am usually awake before everyone else so I am alone for a few hours. I am glad you enjoyed your date, that's a good thing. I know exactly what you mean though about things not being as smooth as with your ex. A couple weeks ago when things were just happening with me and my ex, an old friend of mine (which happened to be a girl) called me up and I decided I would go hang out with her and maybe catch a movie. Back before I met my Ex I would have gone out with this girl without a doubt but on this occasion I just wanted to hang out with someone because of the pain I was feeling. Anyway we went to get something to eat, and the whole time we were eating I couldn't help but compare her to my ex and notice how annoyed I was by her personality compared to my ex. I ended up asking for a rain check on the movie and taking her home and driving home crying the whole way. It was really too soon anyway. Anyway that brings me to last night. I have known another girl named Stephanie (who also happens to be a nurse... scary) for like 15 years. Last night I got to chit chatting with her on AIM and we were talking about how it is hard for me to approach women and I told her I would give her an example and for her not to wig out on me. She said she wouldn't wig out and I told her that a few years ago before I met my Ex, we had been hanging out at a mutual friends house around christmas time. I had really thought she was fun and beautiful and I had always been fond of her. I really wanted to ask her out but had been afraid to do so because I didn't want to cross a line that would make her not want to be friends with me anymore. She told me that it was her turn and for me not to wig out either. She said that she felt that vibe, she always thought we had things in common and had I asked she probably would have gone out with me. I was a bit shocked but it made me feel good. She is also currently single and she called me up and we chatted about this and that for about 45 mins. It felt really good and during that time I completely forgot about my Ex or any pain I was feeling by it all. Wow that went longer than I intended, keep up the good work Guy, we are gonna make it I know it. Rob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guy0221 Posted August 4, 2006 Author Share Posted August 4, 2006 I can't tell if I even feel anything for this new girl. Maybe I do and it's just masked by the fact that I still have strong feelings for my ex. I don't want to hurt this new girl but she is helping me stay busy and I look forward to seeing her. I'm disheartened that after I kissed her goodbye last night, I went straight to my email to check for a message from exgf. Ugh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tretneo Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 I don't want to hurt this new girl but she is helping me stay busy and I look forward to seeing her. I'm disheartened that after I kissed her goodbye last night, I went straight to my email to check for a message from exgf. Ugh Ouch that is kind of a tough one. Maybe you aren't ready to move into something new just yet. It would suck to hurt the new girls feelings so I don't really know what the safe move is there. I am sure if your NC was solid with your Ex you would be fine. Rob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Massari Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 I can't tell if I even feel anything for this new girl. Maybe I do and it's just masked by the fact that I still have strong feelings for my ex. I don't want to hurt this new girl but she is helping me stay busy and I look forward to seeing her. I'm disheartened that after I kissed her goodbye last night, I went straight to my email to check for a message from exgf. Ugh guy THIS IS NORMAL and to be expected.. heck when I went on my date with my current gf .. all I could think about was my ex! and so I was quiet on the date also. went home and text messaged my ex happy bday!! this is normal man. don't kill yourself over it but give this woman another chance, once you move on and heal you'll know what a great woman she is. she was there for you at the toughest time. hell your ex wasn't there for you she caused you this hard time. think about this..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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