Frustrated! Now What??

[Orlander]

It's been 6 months now since I last spoke to my ex and nearly a year since we broke up. I held on until January hoping to get her back, but it didnt work out.

 

So, here I am. Family is getting upset with me for taking so long to even consider dating anyone else. They know I'm not over my ex yet. I have been putting a lot of pressure on myself...thinking I should be ready to date again or at least extremely happy with my current life. I guess I have a lot to be thankful for.

 

Casual dating doesn't really seem to appeal to me. I tried link removed but it seems impossible to initiated and sustain any kind of "match" with someone I think is interesting. Any women I talk to I tend to lose interest in. Not that that matters as I havent met anyone yet that I am really interested in. Well, I have met a couple, but they were in relationships or married.

 

It seems like all the interesting, attractive and kind women I would find appealing are all spoken for. I know in my heart that if I met someone attractive, nice, and interesting that I would defintely pursue the potential relationship.

 

Problem is I havent met anyone. I dont like bars and I really dont have any single friends. The friends I do have set me up with women I am absolutely not interested in.

 

It just feels impossible to meet anyone I would be interested in. It's tough because I know that if someone came along that I found appealing I would definetly try to pursue her, but the last woman I asked out was 3 weeks ago (if you dont count link removed) and she was spoken for.

 

Anyone got any ideas on how to meet quality, cute women in their mid to late 20's who are interested in meeting an attractive, funny, well-mannered and family oriented guy?? I know I have a lot to offer (the complete package) It just is making me a confused. Thanks.

 

 

Orlander

[sizzle2028]

i can tell you, that i was single for a while and i was in search for a man, for a long time. and thats all i did was search for anything potential goin out to clubs and stuff tryin to meet new people and it didnt happen. so i was like i give up! i dont care anymore i will just be single. i can tell u when ur lookin it doesnt happen but when u just let it go and forget about find that special person they will walk into your life and u wont even expect it (well thats whats happened to me twice) i hope it happens to other people cuze its a good thing

[amb1873]

You can meet people anywhere if you have an open mind. I am a 27 year old successful attractive female and I am single, so I know they are out there! And I've got many friends just like me! Just don't give up hope and don't settle. Keep an open mind and keep going out on those dates and putting yourself out there. Also, I would say make sure your expectations are in check. Just have fun with this single part of your life as it won't last forever. Do whatever it is you want and like to do rather than focusing all of your effort into meeting a woman. If you are out there, having fun and doing what you like to do you will also be more likely to meet someone with whom you are compatible anyway!

[blueberrypie]

I don't consider myself as 'successful', but I am "interested in meeting an attractive, funny, well-mannered and family oriented guy"

I totally agree with amb1873.

Whenever I tried to find a 'guy', I couldn't find anyone interesting. When I stopped looking and tried to find myself someone perfect came along. well, maybe not perfect since he left me. But you know what I mean.

Try to have 'your' life. Then it will come along! (that's what I'm gonna do from now on anyway.)

[Entomon]

Ahhh - I sort of gave up on dating as well not because I have problems meeting men but because I always meet the wrong kind of men.

 

I agree with sizzle2028 that love comes to us when we least expect it. We shouldn't try to chase it, it'll only elude us. I hope someday for those of us who are single, someone special will fortuitously walk into our lives completing us.

[mikeca]

someone once told me its when we stop looking for love (or just a date) that it find us.

[brando]

orlander,

 

I can identify with what you are going through...and all i can advise is that it will take your time. No one else knows your thoughts and feelings, when you are ready to move you will. SO just relax, and enjoy the things that come your way. No one says you need to be in a relationship...when you meet that certain someone it will happen. Until then enjoy each minute that passes your way, or at least try to enjoy it.

 

Funny when i see my friends co workers in their relationships, they aren't always so happy. So keep that in mind.

 

be well,

brando

[Orlander]

Thanks everyone. I agree, Brando. I know a lot of people have relationships where they aren't happy. I was pretty happy in my last relationship, but I know, beyond doubt, that I could be happier and it is that expectation that is causing me some doubts that I will ever find someone worthy of my life and vice versa.

 

I live a pretty full live. My Pug, Piper and I keep each other busy during the week. I workout 5 days a week, go out with friends at least one night a week and volunteer one day a week.

 

Right now I just dont have things setup in my life to meet new people...unless I go up to someone and start a conversation out of the blue (like at a bookstore or the dog park or movie theater).

 

It's just frustrating sometimes being single...especially when the world is expecting you to move on and date again (if my grandmother asks me one more time when i am going to give her grandchildren...I'm going to scream.

 

Thanks again everyone. I guess my heart just isnt quite ready yet.

 

 

Orlander

[brando]

O,

 

I was thinking last night, probably after i read your post. And I realized myself about making peace with my past and taking the next step forward. I feel like you do sometimes, the heart not being in it. I had a few short term relationships since my divorce, and i simply felt i couldn't devote myself to each women full heartedly.

 

But i did realize i will love stonger, and have a healthier relationship. Partly due to my divorce, and mainly due to the fact i want something more for myself this time around. My ex and I went up one side of love and down the other. I loved and hated her, i supported and rejected her, we laughed , we cried, i realized we covered the full spectrum of emotions. I made many mistakes, i treated her badly, we treated eachother badly,and we hurt eachother, probably because neither one of us knew any better.

 

But i know it had to be her i went through this with, their probably couldn't have been another. So hopefully i will learn everything i need to learn from thi sexperience and come out much stronger, happier and more self fufilled. I don't believe it always takes a breakup to learn thses things, sometimes if we are fortunate enough we can learn with our partner.

 

So for everything their is a reason. It's a bitter sweet lesson to learn. I once thought not to long ago, that no one will ever capture my heart the way she did, but that is when i also understood this is fair to me or the next woman i fall in love with. I will never forget my ex, i think it is simply impossible. But i am greatful for the years we shared, and the things i am now learning looking back on that marriage. She is a wonderful person, and although i feel angry towards her on rare occasions, it is within myself i must look deeper to see that anger is really directed at myself.

 

Anyway, you will get their my friend.

 

be well,

brando

[Orlander]

Thanks for sharing Brando. It seems we had much in common regarding our previous relationship. Its tough to believe that "it is better to have loved and lost..." during times like these, but I know the saying is right.

 

I was thinking about the time in my life when I met my ex, 5 years ago and I remembered that at that time I didnt really care so much that I actually met anyone. As I recall I had just gotten to that point in life where I wanted to date and wasn't really looking for anything serious or longterm. So, I guess that made it easier for me to approach my ex and two other women I was interested in at that time.

 

I guess its just too much pressure at this point wanting so much to find the right woman.

 

Orlander

[RayKay]

Orlander,

 

All I can say is...give it time.

 

Although you are "ready" it does not mean someone will automatically cross your path yet (maybe the one whom is meant to is not "ready" yet themselves! ).

 

Just...wait. Keep living that life, and keep your eyes open to opportunity. Change your life up to be exposed to new people. Even if you have not had good luck so far with certain venues (ie online, friends) don't close yourself off to them.

 

I guarantee there are great SINGLE women out there, and some of those GREAT ones that are attached, won't be forever either....just, keep your eyes open is all.

 

I agree part of the pressure is you are looking for the ideal one right now, which may also set you up to not look at others whom may be Ms Right hidden under a disguise of sorts too....it's true that when you stop putting so many expectations on yourself, and whom you want to meet....that's when your future partner comes along. Not being "desperate" tends to attract people even more into your life.

 

P.S. Cute pug! I would think he'd be a great icebreaker at the park