Dont know what to do...

[XLiFeLeSs_GaZeX]

Hi everyone

 

I have a small issue. I have a male friend who ive grown really close with over the past year.

 

I have felt that he has hinted that he is interested in me. For example he always asks me to go out with him and his friends, when I am around him and his friends he gives me more attention then his friends. He flirts with me, he always calls me to see how I am and I remember this one time where he told me that when he likes someone he becomes really shy around them...he then admitted that he gets shy around me.

 

A few days ago I had a dream about him, the next day when we were talking he told me he had a dream about me! I didnt tell him that I had a dream about him thou, I felt it was alittle too freaky.

 

I find myself attracted to him. Im not sure If I want to be in a relationship, at times I feel like I miss that closeness two people share when in a relationship. But I feel uncertain, Im not sure if its my past or the fact that this guy is a close friend. I dont know what to do, any ideas?

[chai714]

Yes. Hang out with him one on one. I recommend an activity such as mini-golf, bowling, shooting pool, or another one-on-one activity.

 

If you want to kiss him, bust a move. Be sure to read his body langauge beforehand though and project flirtacious body langauge throughout the course of your date. It has been 1 year, so someone is going to have to make a move if something is going to happen. And why can't it be you?

[charley]

Perhaps you could have a great boyfriend here. Perhaps you could lose a friend. I dunno.

 

However, I do know this much: It's been a year, the guy likes, you like him, he's shy. Are you shy?

 

If anything is ever going to happen, it's up to you to make the moves. That much is obvious.

 

Since he's shy, it's important not to scare him. So do something like the other poster suggested. Ask this fella to do friend type activities with just the two of you. You need time with each other as friends without the other friends.

 

As for the advice to kiss him, I disagree. A shy guy might freak out, especially on your first unofficial non-date. (you aren't calling these things dates, they're friend activities)

 

Just go on a friend activity with him once or twice a week. If he wants to pick the activity half the time, that's great. If he doesn't, then you pick it.

 

I no longer consider myself a shy guy in face to face situations with women anymore because I've really grown out of that over the last month. I'm no longer shy to talk to women at all, but am still shy to ask them out. Much progress for me. However, I still understand very shy guys.

 

He'll get more comfortable with you over time over several of these non-dates. The word "date" always freaked me out. So not calling it a "date" helps a lot.

 

As he gets more comfortable and confident over time, he may tell you he likes you (romantically). If he doesn't, then you can tell him eventually, but not to soon. Save the kissing for later because he's shy. Try to go slow enough that he doesn't even realize what you are doing for the first three or four non-dates. After that you can gradually become more forward, but still don't call them dates. The word "date" to a shy person is likely to trigger a panic attack. Trying to kiss him to soon is also likely to trigger a panic attack. Save the kiss for later.

 

This is exactly how my outgoing girlfriends in the past gradually got me comfortable with them. This approach works with shy people. However, someone has to be the sly, yet casual, outgoing person who gently directs things. If both people are shy, then no progress is ever made, IMO.

 

Think of him like a shy cat that wants to be petted, but is scared. How would you get a cat like that to come to you so you can pet it? With patience, kindness, and persistance. Eventually the cat is rubbing against you and purring. Shy people are like that, IMO. I was like that and still am somewhat like that. My point is that you have to bring him along slowly until he is comfortable with you. Don't go to fast or you will scare him.

 

All that said, there is a risk of losing a friend vs keeping a friend plus gaining a boyfriend. Consider this before you decide.

 

Personally, I have plenty of friends and would be willing to risk one friendship against getting a good girlfriend, but that's me. Your situation might be different. Can you afford to risk losing one friend to possibly gain a boyfriend? If so, then go for it (slowly).

 

Charley

[charley]

I'm very sorry to hear about that.

 

I think this shy guy you posted about in this thread might be just the sort of guy you need. Good thinking on your part.

 

It does sound like he likes you.

 

I think he might be good for you, or perhaps even ideal. He sounds non-threatening and that is one quality that you need in a guy, IMO.

 

I can relate to your feelings as a person who was abused in the past, but also to him as a shy guy. Well, formerly shy in my case, still a little shy in person.

 

It sounds promising, but you'll have to go slow and avoid scaring him, just as I described in my prior post above. The good news of this is that you will be in control. He sounds safe based on what you've said.

 

Since you've known him for a year and he hasn't made any moves on you, that suggests two things to me:

 

1) He is non-aggressive and safe for you (probably). That is good for you.

 

2) He is so non-aggressive that it's up to you to make the moves, but you'll have to be careful to go very slowly and not scare him, just as I explained in my earlier post above.

 

Hopefully, you will eventually bring him out of his shell and get him to be comfortable enough to return your affection. Be prepared (and hopeful) for him to come out of his shell eventually. This also means that you have to expect him to change a bit as he becomes more confident. He will become more affectionate and perhaps a bit forward with your encouragement. However, that all takes time over many non-dates. This might take weeks or months.

 

Goodluck, Charley

[rowboat]

I think you should do just what charley said. Just give him a call and ask him to do something with you. Work from there, see how things go and it could work out to be great. I think he will probably come out of his shell a lot faster than you think.

[XLiFeLeSs_GaZeX]

 

Thank you everyone.

 

Charley, what you said makes allot of sense and its the first time Ive acutally seen it from your point of view Thank you.

 

He wants to go out this week, watch a movie and go shopping. I think I will take that to my advantage

 

thanks again