New_Horizons Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 I've noticed that only girls who already have boyfriends will talk to me and feel comfortable with me. Single girls avoid me and if I try to initiate a conversation, they clam up and act like they can't stand my presense. Can anyone explain why? It seems like the opposite of what it should be. What vibes am I exuding that repels single girls? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AwdreeHpburn Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Hey New Horizons - I'm gonna watch out for FriscoDj on this one but I'm going to say the same thing I said in a different but similar thread.... It's prolly a matter of perception and it's most likely not as bad as it appears but let's get to the possibility that it IS something you are doing. Sometimes having a look inside can answer some questions... Please bear in mind that i am not suggesting there is something wrong with you... OK, so... what do you talk about with single girls vs attached ones? I mean like what kinds of topics? What is your demeanor like with both? Do you think YOU are more relaxed around girls who are already attached and more nervous around prospectives? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 The single girls who aren't interested in you romantically, don't want to be accused of being too friendly, leading you on, teasing you, etc. if they simply aren't attracted to you. The married girls know they can just fall back on the known fact that they're married to get them out of any such accusations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colors Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 less friendly, really? that does seem backwards.....hummm, well my guess would be afraid of the pressures of a single man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Maybe its the way you approach them. If you know a girl is attached you probably don't act like you're interested, while with singles you may inadvertently be acting overly interested. Not all single women want to get hit on and being single is by no means a reason to be hit on. I think friendliness is a marker for interest, the more interest the more friendly. You may not be what they're looking for or they maybe shy, who knows, all women are different. You should really look at how you approach them to see if you do treat them differently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New_Horizons Posted July 10, 2006 Author Share Posted July 10, 2006 I talk about the same things with both - school, work, hobbies. Lately, I have started talking less and when I do, it's usually only about school or the weather. I'm very nervous at first around any girl, but I relax a bit if I find out she has a boyfriend. Still, these 'taken' girls are friendly off the bat, not after I relax. They even flirt at times (or that's my perception) and suddenly mention their upcoming wedding Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Well it's because they're not as worried about being labeled a 'tease', as I outlined above... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AwdreeHpburn Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Yeh - I agree with iamteddy but also think its a bit of nervousness coming thru as CB said.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New_Horizons Posted July 10, 2006 Author Share Posted July 10, 2006 OK, so assuming a single girl is interested in me, what does she expect me to do? And if she wasn't interested in the first place, whatever I do would be wrong, right? How do I know how to act if I don't know what she's expecting? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Just be friendly at first and if she continues to be really standoffish then that means she doesn't want you to flirt with her, and that she's not attracted to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Hey there, I am just curious, where are you meeting these women? Women whom are in relationships and whom are happy in them give off a different vibe. They seem to be more confident, happy, and not trying as hard. It also depends on the TYPE of women you are talking to. Like, are you talking to down-to-earth, nice looking women or the ones whom seem shallow, high maintenence, the ones showing off in front of friends and making a rucous, and so forth? It all boils down to the kinds of people you are surrounding yourself with and under what circumstances you are meeting these women in. I highly discourage meeting women at bars, clubs, parties, and the like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 I don't think it's that simple kellbell, because I am a down to earth, non high maintenence single woman. And I am careful not to be too friendly (even though I'm NOT flirting) with men I'm not interested in, simply as I have no desire to be labeled a tease. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Also, when are you approaching them? If you are approaching them when they are in the middle of doing something, or seem preoccupied or their mind is somewhere else, they might give you the cold shoulder as a way to tell you to "buzz off". If I am busy or preoccupied, I dont like it if a guy just approaches me and talks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 I always treat people as friendly as I can, which usually gives the best results. Just smile and be polite, if she's interested she'll be friendly and if you talk about things she may start to show more excitement with the topic by leaning in or being more gesticulator and sitting casually and open towards you. Uninterested people tend to sit more rigidly and closed off and don't lean into the conversation. Look at the facial expressions, watch their eyes, pupils dilate and the eye widen when excited, if not they may look bored or not even make eye-contact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caterina Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 It could be a number of things...many of them already mentioned. You might be imagining it...but one thing that you should know is that clamming up doesn't mean much for everyone. Some women clam up when they are nervous and attracted to the guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New_Horizons Posted July 10, 2006 Author Share Posted July 10, 2006 I meet both types in class (university). I don't have the confidence or physical attributes to make it to a bar or club alone. I also don't have the confidence to approach the 'high maintenance' girls. That's precisely what bothers me. If regular girls aren't interested in me (not to say that 'regular' girls are inferior, I mean they don't carry a superiority complex), I must suck really bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Well not every woman you meet will find you attractive, that's just life... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 I guess what I mean is I used to bartend I saw this kind of thing a lot. Groups of these high-maintence looking women, dressed to the nines at a family restaurant and acting like they are gifts to men, causing trouble, showing off. And because these women seem to be very easy on the eyes and attractive, I have seen men try to talk to them and they act very catty and nasty. Like they are not good enough. That is all I am saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 That could be, but the same applies to women I see at bars who are non-high maintenence, and who simply isn't interested, and are too kind and down to earth to lead a guy on, who she just isn't interested in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 I wish I could attract attention from guys. I tend to be open and friendly and appear approachable most of the time, but guys dont usually approach me. The only time a guy approached me and wanted to get to know me better, he turned out to be a real cad (as in he wanted to go out on a date with me and pestered me for a while about it. We went out on a date and then he told me that he liked me and wanted to see me again, but he told me to wait a bit because he wanted to chase after this other woman and see if it panned out ). I dropped him like a brick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Sure, I agree. Just trying to look at it on all angels and asking some questions is all. I am not saying it is written in stone, just trying to feel the scenario out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Sure, I agree. Just trying to look at it on all angels and asking some questions is all. I am not saying it is written in stone, just trying to feel the scenario out. Right--exactly what I am doing also... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Yup, I know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New_Horizons Posted July 10, 2006 Author Share Posted July 10, 2006 Maybe but that doesn't give them the right to be cold and unfriendly. If I was approached by a girl I had NO interest in, I would still treat her as a human being. As hurtful as it is to be led on, it is also hurtful to have someone look right through you just because they aren't attracted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 A lot of us have been falsely accused by would-be suitors, of having led them on....So It seems like you are just dealing with the ramifications of that fact.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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