ex's friends

[blueberrypie]

My ex-bf broke up with me several weeks ago. Two days after that he left town.

Many of his friends are still in town, so sometimes I ran into them. Since the breakup was sudden, most of them don't know we broke up. When they ask me about how I'm doing and mention his name, should I just tell them we are broken? Wouldn't it make them uncomfortable if I say 'oh well, he broke up with me few weeks ago' when they ask me how I'm doing just to be polite? Or I'm trying to hold onto him by not saying that?

 

More, is it a bad idea to be friends with ex's friends? There's a couple who are his ex-roommates. We used to hang out all the time and they are still in town. They know that we are broken and they still want to hang out with me. Sometimes seeing them together makes me a little bit sad/jealous. Am I torturing myself by being with them? Or am I being brave by not severing them? To be honest, it hurts a little to see them but if I try to cut them off because they are also his friends, then running into them accidentally may hurt me more. By seeing them often, I may be able to get over this feeling faster.

 

I think I'm in a confusion right now. Any thoughts, comments, advices will be duly appreciated. =)

[renaissancewoman101]

Yes, you should tell his friends that you guys are broken up. Otherwise, they might bring up stuff about the ex that may make you more in pain.

 

I dont think it is a bad idea to be friends with the ex's friends, although, you may find out that, after time, esp if they were HIS friends first, that they may NOT want to be friends with you. I had that happen to me. Although I am still friends with my ex's best friend's mother (who also is a semi-friend of the ex). Being friends with an ex's friends may be tricky because you will have to avoid talking about the ex or using them to dig up dirt on the ex. If you truly like hanging out with them for who they are, and not for information about the ex, then go for the friendship. It is always good to have friends.

[blueberrypie]

Thanks RW,

I *think* I truly like hanging out with them for who they are. But who knows I may like hanging out with them because he will be able to hear about me from them when he comes back.(My hearing about him from them is not an option b'cause he's not contacting anyone right now anyways.)

 

But do they(ex's friends) actually change their minds about being friends with me sometime after the breakup? Did it actually happen to you? That's so...bad. Can I ask you what happened?

[renaissancewoman101]

Yes, that has happened with me with one of my ex's friends. He stayed friends with me for a while after the breakup, but I think he wanted to use me to get free booze. I wanted him to help me get my ex back. After a while, the friendship fizzled out because my ex got upset with his friend staying friends with me.