Ex is Back

[hazeleyed]

Lately , I have been talking to my ex and it hasn't been easy. I dont know why I cant stop myself from talking to me or why I give him such importance when all he does is makes me feel like trash. Whenever I say something mean to him he holds it over my head yet hes done so much to hurt me and scar me yet that stuff has never been mentioned.

 

All I wanted was love and I looked in the wrong place and now I hate myself for even calling him or giving him the second chance where he screwed me over so bad. Why does it still hurt so much , lately all he does is yell at me or he becomes nice to me and asks me if I miss him and when I say no hes back to yelling and being cold. I hve to call him a 100 times in order for him to even pick up and then his attitude becomes like hes better then me.

 

Whenever I try to raise the topic of how hes hurt me its like he has 100 things ready that I have said and done. I feel like hitting something or banging my head against the wall, its like I lose control because I donno whut to do. I feel like garbage after talking to him...its like i am some sort of trash...its like its all my fault for everything.

 

He says how I have treated him like crap , stepped on him and spit in his face too...but all i have done is answered back to him with whatever meanness or cruelness hes shown or the lies he has done. I mean what the hell is wrong with me...why cant I just move past everything and forget him.

 

Why Am I letting him treat me like crap, I am sorry I thought this would lessen my pain but its like I am just opening my wounds over n over again..maybe i just like living like this...maybe I am an idiot..

 

I do not want to go back but I dunno how to forgive him and myself. Whenever I go back I just get more stuff from him that makes me feel like I am at fault here and I have been really cold to him, and that the relationship got screwed because of me. I am an emotional wreck again and i hate myself for doing this.

[DN]

I think it would be best if you never spoke to him again. But if you must then why talk about the past and how you hurt each other? Better to talk about other things than that.

[hazeleyed]

He doesnt seem to want to talk about anything but the past. Whenever I try to be nice he thinks theres a chance...but how do I just move on? How can I get to know anyone anymore when I am hurting so bad...I cant even stop crying...its been 8 days where I cry every day and I cant sleep properly and then when other parts of my life suffer I beat myself up even more.

[DN]

Then it is time for you to go no contact. You need time to heal and every time you talk to him you go back to square one. You need to convince yourself the relationship is over and that will help you start to move on.

[hazeleyed]

Alright, thanks for your advice DN!

[kadvati79]

I think it would be best if you never spoke to him again. But if you must then why talk about the past and how you hurt each other? Better to talk about other things than that.

definitely agree here, but I think in your mind don't use thoughts of never talking again... tell yourself not now. Don't force your feelings, apply behaviours.

 

Its not healthy to talk to your ex right now. Maybe it never will be. But that doesn't matter, what matters is making sure you are okay and happy and moving on. You have identified that talking to your ex isn't helping, so bingo, thats something to remove.

 

People who are upset can get stuck in a loop dealing with finality. They start looking for closure or etc... Tell someone they can never talk to their ex again and they can't handle it. Fact is, one day, you probably won't care about your ex beyond the fact you remember you were with them. Fact two is that right now, talking is not helping. So don't talk to them, don't put a timetable on getting better either - it will all work itself out over time.

[hazeleyed]

Thanks icemotoboy, appreciate your kind words.