Girlfriend's "Close Male Friend"

[AnotherConfusedGuy]

..........

[itsallgrand]

I'm going to try and not jump the gun on this one. I can understand completely where you are coming from, but I'd like to get a few more details.

 

How long was the break-up? How did you two come to be together again (did she come to you, you to her)? Was she dating the guy while you were split?

 

I would not be comfy with that situation either.

[itsallgrand]

Ok. How long have you two been back together now?

 

Wow, a week is not a very long break, eh? lol. Except break-up time always seems very long!

 

I think there is something very workable here. If I got you right: You two were together for a long while. She was feeling more and more unappreciate/neglected/just needing more from you. So she turned to Guy.

She hit a limit and broke up with you. But..

You both seem to care about each other and want to make it work.

 

Is that right?

 

If that is the case, it may take a little bit of tolerance on your part for a while as this gets sorted out.

Time and you being there for her, proving things are different, will most likely bring her closer to you until this is not an issue.

 

But for now, she is used to spending time and confiding in Guy. And he likes her; so she is probably trying to consider his feelings as well. She is with you: but she cares about Guy as a person, and he is hurt right now (maybe trying to find a way to get her with him).

[CarnelianButterfly]

I think that if you fill her emotional needs as her partner she will find less and less reason to see her friend. You shouldn't ask her not to see him since he was an important part of her support structure and she would probably see that as controlling. I don't think you should mention or allude to this matter in any way, if anything you can use it as a barometer to the health of your relationship, the less she needs him the better you are doing.

If your reconciliation was recent, there will be a time to rebuild that she may still need him to talk to and adjust to your renewed interest.

[itsallgrand]

I understand that feeling. I really do. I do think that CarnButterfly is right though as far as what you need to do.

 

And this is very much like a health barometer for your relationship.

 

You love her, right. What it comes down to is: you need to find a way to deal with the sick feelings and insecurity or she probably won't stick around.

She's looking for you to show her that you can stand by her and support her.

Not always easy: but just remember that you know she loves and only wants to be with you.

 

It's okay to let out the feelings here or to a friend : but when you are with her, focus on what the two of you have. Give it a bit of time and take a leap of faith.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Are there trust issues that you haven't mentioned?

 

I have close male friend that I've done "date" or BF/GF type things with, but we were friends and they weren't dates. He was very important to me when I had a train wreck in my love life, as was I when his GF dumped him. If my BF asked me not to see him it would be very hurtful to me because I care about both of them and I don't feel I should have to choose. I know my BF has close female friends, I know he does a lot for them. I'm glad they have him as a friend because I know how wonderful a guy he is and it wouldn't be fair to him, them or myself to restrict or hamper him as an individual.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I wish you luck. Its going to take time, so just be patient and if you put in the effort you should see good results.