Am I? Does it matter?

[Boughtandpaidfor]

I want to make it not matter

I can feel now that it doesn't

Everyone tells me it doesn't

As long as I'm happy

But I think they still expect a decision

 

And I don't want to give one

I want to continue unsupervised

And unwatched

Doing whatever feels right

 

Which parts do I prefer?

Whose touch would I rather feel?

Would I rather give or receive?

Is it natural?

I don't see how it can be natural

 

But then, anything goes

Whatever you want is fine

But I want to understand first

Because it just doesnt seem....

I'm so sorry to say it......

But.... it just doesnt seem

To make any sense

 

Pleasure is one thing

But no one offering me advice

Seems to have any

Being comfortable with who you are

Is another thing

But no one I see is comfortable

 

Is it simply because I can't offer much

On the conventional path

That I might seek another way?

Do I just want an identity

Less fraught with competition

And failure?

 

But what of the consequences

Of such a choice?

Because I felt so different

When I touched that world

It felt relaxing though

And I did feel alive

With that new special touch

In many ways though

It also felt like death

 

I can't make a choice

Because no one I speak to can listen

And because where I am

Seems so much better

Than that step I might take

 

I can't escape these feelings

These attractions

I mustn't be ashamed of them

And I must find ways to express them

But that lifestyle......

Looks shallow and painful

 

How can I say that though?

It's just not acceptable

[yeawutever]

Very nice poem, great use of the words!!!!!!!!!!

[Tigris]

I like the poem too.

[hazeleyed]

awesome poem!

[SapphireStar]

Amazing! I really enjoyed reading this.