Replaceme Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 So he broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We spoke once as the final goodbye about 3 days later. Then i started NC. This week he has called me like 7 times - i never answered. Then tonight he caller ID blocked and i answered. He says everyday he feels tremendous guilt. He says i feel like you think i just threw us away. I miss sleeping with you , i miss when we laugh , but i just had to do what i had to do. I said i really dont want to hear this - he just went on and on. Saying that everyday night he goes to sleep feeling sick and every morning he wakes up with a pit in his stomach. But he then says i was not ready for this kind of relationship , i know u want to be married and i just dont think i ever want to marry. (we were together 2 years - both in early thirties) . He then goes on and on about how his love for me goes beyond marriage , he says its so deep - then of course comes the BUT But he says i hope in time we can be friends and still vacation together even just see a movie or something. I am at this point just crying like a fool. We hang up - i am just a confused mess now. Someone please help me out. Why is he calling me and saying all this now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Guilt is probably one of the most common feelings someone has after breaking up with their significant other. What's annoying is that he's trying to get you to help him feel less guilty instead of letting you heal and dealing with his guilt on his own. I suggest that you send him a message telling him to stop contacting you. The fact that he called you from a blocked number shows that he is desperate for you to help alleviate his guilt and he's thinking mainly about his own feelings, not yours...I mean after not answering so many of his calls you'd think he would take a hint and back off but since he can't you may have to flat out tell him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saltwatergirl Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 This is just a hair trigger reaction. He ended things; but now he is lonely here and there, so he wants you to be his fallback. Nothing written in stone, no "labels' or anything...just be there when he needs you. I'd personally be offended by that. Go back to not answering the phone, only now realize you have to ignore the blocked calls as well. He made his bed, let him lie in it. salt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Replaceme Posted July 2, 2006 Author Share Posted July 2, 2006 Yes - must go back to ignoring his calls and now blocked calls. i told him i missed him too , but it gets easier everyday. why did i have to answer the phone. why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Relationship Coach Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 He is a "talking poster child" for NC! This is why at all costs you must hang up on him, block his number or change yours. He just reopened all of the wounds you've been healing in a single call. He pushed your buttons like a carnival ride operator. What he did was unload his guilt with a complete disregard for your wishes and feelings. Once again he put his needs before yours, why would this surprise you? Marriage is a commitment which he is not willing to honor with you. The only thing "deep" here is his babbling BS. "I love you so much more than the institution of marriage is concerned but I don't want to marry you, wanna catch a movie?" What he is saying is, you'll never find anyone so when you heal lets get together. Avoid this guy like the plague! This one single call should spell it out for you, this is your motivation to move on. RC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Replaceme Posted July 2, 2006 Author Share Posted July 2, 2006 PLease RCoach - Please dont stop talking to me .Please tell me more. You are sooo right. RIGHT ON. I cant believe how low my head is now. I am back to - not feeling good enough. I even said Like a Fool , what is it that you want? Why wasnt i enough? Oh god, he just lays on the i feel horrible , your shoes are still in the corner , BUT i had to do it. You would of hated me in 5 years with us still together just dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saltwatergirl Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 this is so true!!! He is manipulating you, my gawd the nerve of him to say that to you and then suggest you two still hang out sometime!!! ACK does he really think this low of you? Does he think you think this low of yourself? If I were you I'd NOT have ANY FURTHER COMMUNICATION with this idiot. What a lowlife!! Some people are so good at manipulation, it's almost an art form for them. I know one myself. He is giving you a load of crap, and actually thinks you'll take it! Wow, how you aren't mad as all heck is beyond me. Salt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Relationship Coach Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 You know what is best for you and you know that his "I'm not in to marriage" line has nothing to do with you and says nothing about you. What it says is all about him, he can't see himself stuffed and mounted. He feels he deserves more in life and he wants to experience it, so let him. Loneliness will have a bitter aftertaste when you have been snatched up by a willing and deserving man. No one will ever be enough in his mind, that is until he realizes how badly he screwed up and comes crawling, make that slithering back to you. Avoid pitfall#2 when this roles around. Commit yourself to ridding yourself of this blind fool once and for all. Read "He's just not in to you", it's a great book which will ring a few, "been there, done that" bells. Move forward and remember, once you flush the toilet, we don't sit around for days wondering where the waste is now! I'm sorry but his "I'm doing you a favor" speech does not earn a pat on the back from me. You'll be so much better off without him, trust me. RC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Replaceme Posted July 2, 2006 Author Share Posted July 2, 2006 thank you , i am so down now - i just have nothing left to do but hope i fall asleep soon. Thanks Relationship coach. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Relationship Coach Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 You are welcome. Go to sleep knowing you are doing the best thing for you and that you control your future. Go get that book and realize you are never alone as long as you log in here! RC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InaneCathode Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Feeling... Quilty? Soft... Cuddly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelly7 Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 I'm really sorry you have to go through this, to be honest your ex sounds a lot like mine, I hope I have your strength, I don't know who they think they are, you're an inspiration, sleep well knowing that you have the upper hand. You will go back into NC, because these are his terms and not yours. You deserve more, and you know if you hold out you're going to get it, maybe not with him (his loss) but you will. Personally, I'm proud of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
friscodj Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 He is a "talking poster child" for NC! He's that and he's a selfish and weakly pathetic person. Notice what he says, I miss this, I miss that, I just had to do what I had to do... Do you think he's thinking at all about how you feel and your healing when he says these things? I think not...this is all about him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Replaceme Posted July 2, 2006 Author Share Posted July 2, 2006 I woke up today feeling horrible. I feel like i am back to day one of 2 weeks ago when he first broke it off with me. I woke up feeling helpless, useless , and heartbroken. I must just get him out of my system. I am so angry at my self for talking to him. Listening to him proclaim his undying love But that he had to do what he had to do. He just kept saying how this is the hardest thing he has ever done in his life. But cant we still hang out? - he asks. He said please dont just cut me off from your life - i exist. I want to be there for you if you ever need anything. Boy am i a fool. Back to moving on Day 1 again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Relationship Coach Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Back to Day 1 with more resolve now! I lived a lifetime of Day 1's, I wish I found this place 6 years ago. Cut him off like a split end and move forward. NC NC NC NC! RC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
friscodj Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 I woke up today feeling horrible. I feel like i am back to day one of 2 weeks ago when he first broke it off with me. I woke up feeling helpless, useless , and heartbroken. I must just get him out of my system. I am so angry at my self for talking to him. Listening to him proclaim his undying love But that he had to do what he had to do. He just kept saying how this is the hardest thing he has ever done in his life. But cant we still hang out? - he asks. He said please dont just cut me off from your life - i exist. I want to be there for you if you ever need anything. Boy am i a fool. Back to moving on Day 1 again. And why are you guys still in contact? Time to toughen up and get the job done! Do it! Say goodbye and disappear! Let's go here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Replaceme Posted July 2, 2006 Author Share Posted July 2, 2006 I DID disappear - i was gone - he even said last night , why wont you answer my calls. I only answered because it said private call. Which is usually my best girlfriend. I thought with all the calling he has done , when i was on the phone with him, maybe he missed me and was miserable. He did sound miserable. BUT he still was happy with his decision to quit the relationship. Why do you think he said "this is the hardest thing i have ever done in my life " I mean he kept repeating that. This was a hard thing to do. God , i am pathetic reliving a stupid conversation i had 12 hours ago. I havent left my house today. I am right back to square one. Oh - did i say i was a crying fool too. Yeah I am . Oh and i kept saying "you dont even care about me anymore." He kept right on with the "But I do care , i really , i havent cared so much about one person my whole life. We just love different" Blah... I really need to get over it. Geez - I was doin FINE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
friscodj Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 I really need to get over it. Geez - I was doin FINE. Yes, you do need to get over it, and you'll do fine again... Pull yourself together and keep your eyes on the prize here... OK, so you accidentally answered his call. That's cool. Just don't answer those "Private Calls" anymore. If it is your best g/f, she'll leave a message. Tell her what's going on, she'll understand... And if you do happen to speak to your ex again, tell him to leave you alone, it is only making things worse... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Replaceme Posted July 2, 2006 Author Share Posted July 2, 2006 i know , your right. But Why is he hurting me like this? I mean calling me and saying all these things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Relationship Coach Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Because that's whom he is! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
friscodj Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Why is he hurting me like this? He is selfish. He wants to feel better, wants the pain to go away, but he is not thinking about how is actions might be affecting you. Or he sees it and is too weak to deal with this. Or he is trying to manipulate you and coerce you into getting back together to alleviate his pain, which he confuses with "true love". Because if it hurts this bad, it must be true love... Either way, he's not quite ready for a healthy long-term relationship. And more importantly...he's not for you! This is exactly how my last relationship went, and I ended up on a rollercoaster ride in hell for 1.5 years. This situation like you describe would come up every two months, I'd tell her everything she ever wanted to hear, we'd get back together, things would fall apart again, the cycle would repeat, each time breaking me down to nothing, contantly wallowing in frustration, need, self esteem shot, forgot who I was, trying to conform to her critcism, making me slowly insane...you get the picture... So the rollercoaster is sitting right in front of you, ready to take you for a ride, all aboard, are you in or out????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joyce1412 Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 i think more than anything he wants to keep you in the palm of his hand. he's got you right where he wants you, he's being totally unfair, you're miserable--and he doesn't care. he needs someone to be smitten with him in order for him to feel good about himself. trust me, i've been this person to a degree, and i've dated this person. it's crap. the most honorable dumper will break up with you and let you be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Replaceme Posted July 3, 2006 Author Share Posted July 3, 2006 This is exactly how my last relationship went, and I ended up on a rollercoaster ride in hell for 1.5 years. This situation like you describe would come up every two months, I'd tell her everything she ever wanted to hear, we'd get back together, things would fall apart again, the cycle would repeat, each time breaking me down to nothing, contantly wallowing in frustration, need, self esteem shot, forgot who I was, trying to conform to her critcism, making me slowly insane...you get the picture... Pretty much sums up the last year of our relationship. I feel like i am 100 steps backward now. But its day 2 NC/moving on. again. I am so angry - i feel like cursing him out. Really telling him off. He was a big man with NO GUTS. there i said it. and i hate him. there i said that too. sorry. thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
friscodj Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 I feel like i am 100 steps backward now. You might feel like you are way behind, but realize this: if you are behind, at least you are behind on a better path to a better place now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Replaceme Posted July 4, 2006 Author Share Posted July 4, 2006 Thanks Man , I am pretty angry again. This is good for me. It means i will be cool in a couple of days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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