I need advice/help

[Bruise my ego]

I'm about to turn 20 next week...and I know I suffer from a lack of low self esteem! I've got no confidence at all PRONTO! I'm my own biggest critic. How can I get back on my feet again? ](*,)

[Lily04]

Well what do you think is causing your low self-esteem? I don't think I suffer from that necessarily, but I am quite insecure about my appearance & constantly doubt myself....but I can have a bunch of confidence at times too, especially when leading people. What are your strengths & weaknesses?

[Bruise my ego]

For starters I think I'm not physically attractive and I have a habit of constantly comparing myself with my friends. I have no idea of my strengths or weaknesses. I know its absurd

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

May be you could try to stop comparing & believe that everyone is unique.

[Lily04]

Well I am similar in that I compare myself a lot with others -- friends, movie stars, family members... but deep down I know that I am attractive. I may say on here that I feel insecure about my weight, etc. and sometimes when I look at pics I honestly think I am ugly. But I know I'm above avg. compared with others... so in some ways, comparing myself with others can be positive. When you're perfectionistic about it though & do it too often, it can be a negative thing. And ultimately you should be happy with yourself as you are, not as you are compared with a group of people...

 

If you honestly don't think ur attractive though i'd have to ask what u like/dislike about your appearance. You must have something you sorta like. And then just work on the things you dislike to improve -- maybe it's getting some more stylish clothes to emphasize your curves or boobs or whatever. Getting some subtle but very flattering makeup for me helped... as did getting a haircut! Just figure out what it is exactly that's making you insecure... and then change it! Honestly even people who aren't that attractive can be 'madeover' to look better, you see it on makeover shows ALL the time. It's not impossible.

 

BUT beauty comes from confidence & inner strength and I think you should work on your inner beauty as well. You obviously lack confidence. that's why i asked you to think about your strengths... you can build on those & then you'll start to like yourself for that uniqueness. For me, it's my talent with writing & creativity. I also have a way of getting away with things/am incredibly diplomatic & do great presentations, so I got involved with student politics and am doing more work with that next year.....don't want to say too much with regard to that to give away my identity. BUT like.. you must have something!! even if it's personality traits... you seem modest & are maybe helpful in real life. Maybe you could help others in some capacity, through volunteering? Is there a sport you like?

 

Pursue whatever it is you love & have a passion for, and you'll start to see just how beautiful you truly are.

 

Hope that helped...but honestly confidence comes with time. If you're not going to work for it though and keep complaining and making posts like these...than I don't think that anyone can really help.

[Alabama]

Maybe you can start as the aboce guest stated, and not compare yourself to others. Everyone is different. Think about what you are good at and aren't. That's a good first step.

[allgood]

yeah man, i had the same prob like u, up n down till i turned 23 then it really hit me.i decided to really do somethin about it. its all about not puttin urself down in ur head and cancel out negative thoughts.

 

man seriously its all about ur inner talk. i finally decided to go deal with thoughts and stuff, it took me 1 year to really feel good and comfortable. but youll improve in small bits. 6months youll really see an improvement once u fix ur inner talk.

 

heres a website.

link removed

 

its as simple as fixin ur inner talk. itll take a while, youll have set backs but it gets better if u keep at it. just keep at it man. read alot of psycology stuff about it. youll find help in many forms. trust me man, i was up n down with confidence since i was 17, its better to start workin on urself now than lose all that time.

 

Be open to many solutions and do whats best for u. but that website and its info on "HOW TO IMPROVE ONE'S SELF IMAGE" and "ON BEING ASSERTIVE" are the ones that really helped me to start off in the right direction.

 

cheers and goodluck, as long as YOU DO something about it IT WILL GET BETTER

[robowarrior]

Love believe and support yourself. Remember negativity leads to nowhere, you need a positive constructive ground , if you constantly stamp everything in the ground that you create , then you are basically destroying the fertile ground for a good idea. Nothing can grow from negativity. This is how you have become your own biggest enemy. Next times when you try to establish something, be more like 'well, its the effort that counts not a perfect end result.

 

Can you be instantaniously perfect? If not, give yourself a chance. So far your negativity hasn't made you happy, why not discard it?