A disagreement about volume levels

[Js_Sol]

So heres the scoop. I'm trying to look at this open mindly and give my girlfriend the benifit of the doubt, but I think she may have a hearing sensitivity issue. Is this possible?

 

the problem at hand is that almost any volume is "way too loud". This goes for TV, Video Games, Music, basically if I'm listening to it...it's too loud. Now here is the problem, I've been involved with audio all my life....I used to install car stereos and used dB meters, I've played in bands, and if nothing else, I think I have a little common sense about the perception of volume saturation by objects and walls (I've spent a lot of time in recording studios, and making sure they are completely audio proof). By, the way...I'm a little scatter brained right now, it's my girlfriend who thinks this stuff is too loud, myself....I feel that it's at a decent level. Just wanted to get the views out.

 

A few more problems, we'll be watching a movie, and she wants it so quiet that I have to turn on the subtitles just to know what the characters are saying. Another one of her concerns is that the neighbors will hear my video games, but I KNOW (yes, it's just a thing i'm sure of, no decibal readings or charts to go off of) it is not that loud. I also base this off our neighbors playing video games, you can hear it outside there door, but once we're are inside our place, you can't hear it at all. This is not enough proof though. She's concerned about the downstairs neighbors. Plus, She's complaining about this when it's 7:00pm on a Saturday.....it's not like I'm doing this at 3:00am on a school night.

 

So how do I find a solution to this? Should I ask the neighbors just to prove her wrong? Let me reiterate one solid point....I am not "blasting the volume" It's typically a very low volume. In fact my tv volume goes up to 100, when she complained last, it was on 29, a little over 1/4 the total volume. This is only the tv, no external speakers. I love the girl to pieces, but this is a constant issue and I don't know how to convince her that these volume levels are not loud enough that other people can hear them outside the apartment. Well, thanks for any insight that can be provided!

[avman]

Well it's possible she has very sensitive hearing. I suppose it's also possible that you might have a bit of a hearing loss. So it doesn't seem at all loud to you, but to your girlfriend it is blasting.

 

My TV in the bedroom goes up to 100 also but if the volume gets anywhere over 14-15 it's really loud. So if your tv behaves anything like mine a volume of 29 would be WAY up there.

 

Maybe to put the issue to rest both of you should get your hearing tested. Then you'll know for sure whether her hearing is really sensitive, or whether yours have been decreased, or perhaps even a little of both.

[InaneCathode]

You probably have a bit of hearing loss. You say you used to play in bands and install stereos to affirm your knowledge of sound, but more than likely you've damaged your hearing doing just that.

It takes 85 decibles for 8 hours a day 5 days a week for a year to significantly damage your hearing. A conversation is around 50-60 decibels.

[Js_Sol]

Thanks for the advice guys. I did see the "you may have hearing loss" coming, but since it is a valid point i'm not going to argue.

 

however, what bothers me, is that she is not concerned about it being to loud for her, but for everyone else. don't you think she's being a little over considerate? i mean, Saturday night, people have got to be watching there Saturday night movies and i'm sure they have the volume up to a reasonable level, some with subwoofers as well.

 

Thats another thing, i never turn on the bass, meaning no sound should be going through the walls (at the level I have it at anyway) If I had some bass levels on, than sure, those vibrations are going to carry.

 

i'll definetely see if we can get our ears checked, I'm never to proud to admit when i'm wrong......even she knows that!

 

PS: my sister had the exact same issue with her husband (my bro in law). We'd have the volume so.....so low, and she would be complaining. I need a girls opionion, and maybe hear from the guys to...Do you think women ARE more sensitive to sound?? Could this just be another female thing (no, i'm not sexist, but we do have our differences!) Just curious.... Thanks again guys

[AwdreeHpburn]

JS Maybe it is YOU with the hearing probs

 

After all you said about what you've done, maybe you have a bit of hearing loss. That's very common for people in bands.

 

But my husband likes things louder than me too. Sort of weird. Maybe she doesn't like it too loud AND you have some hearing damage. Maybe it's a combo.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I'd say get your hearing tested.

 

I know my dad and brother have horrible hearing because they do blast the sound on everything. They do exactly what you're doing, blaming the women for complaining its too loud. My Mom and I are not sensitive to sound, we just haven't ruined our ears with years of excessive exposure to loud sounds.

[Js_Sol]

hmmmmmm........i'm beginning to sense a bit of hostility.......anyway, like I said, do you think she is being a bit TOO considerate? I mean, there is no way for me to prove this, but there is no way.....no way the neighbors could hear my tv. no way.....

 

Take a typical tv program in the morning. I'm tired, have that morning, don't like loud noises headache....I'm going to watch say....The price is right on 15/100. If you close the door to the closest bedroom, your not hearing it on the other side.

 

Say it's the video games, i'm home from work, wanna get some shooting out of the way, i'm going to do about 30/100. If you close door to the closest bedroom, you may hear faint gun shots, or whatever sounds the game makes.

 

Ok, now it's movie time, I want the theatre at home experiance, I want to hear what the characters say when they whisper, and feel the explosions as well, I'm probably going to aim for 75/100. You could probably hear this outside our front door, possible wall saturation, and I would never listen to it at this volume past 10:00pm

 

Now the movie volume (70) could be considered to loud, but hey, it's a movie...a once a week experiance. I'd turn that down to accommodate to her feelings. But when she is grabbing the remote and taking my game from 30, and turning it down to less than what I watch Price is right on in the morning, and it's not even for her, but the neighbors!....c'mon guys, give me break here.

 

All I want to know is one thing: IS THERE A WAY FIND OUT IF THE VOLUME IS UNREASONABLY LOUD??? guys....if I knew you, i'd invite you over right now to check it out....it's beyond quiet. I truly believe she has a hearing perception problem. I came on here simply hoping to get some ideas for some type of resolution, such as ways to perform some simple test, or just an opinion on whether I should ask neighbors if my tv is to loud. Saying "you have hearing problems" is about as a generic, un helpful answer I could have in this situation. To say that I'm the one with the problem is just as simple to say that she is. I want to show her that the volume levels I play my games at are reasonable, and that no one is hearing them from inside there apartments. Should I just ask my neighbors? if I'm wrong, I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT.....I just would like to find out. thats all....

[AwdreeHpburn]

Yeh - for sure ask your neighbors.

 

Your gf sounds like me. Although the louder it is, the more it hurts MY ears, that's not really the issue, I too get concerned about the neighbors cuz they have a baby.

 

Part really is that I just don't like it that loud. But in MY situation, my husband always wins....

[CarnelianButterfly]

If she is being considerate why is this bad? Would you not want your own neighbors to be concerned that they're TV is intruding on you? I live in an apartment that has good sound control from side-to-side, but up and down is not very good. I can hear most of what goes on upstairs, including some talking and always the TV and radio, I hate it, why because it interferes with my music or TV. I'm aware of the volume of my TV and music because I don't want to be rude to the guy living below who I never hear anything from. I have had to speak to my upstairs neighbor before, which I honestly shouldn't have to do.

 

If you can hear the TV at 15 fine, then 75 will most likely be very loud. Talk to your neighbors, bring your GF with you and have her hear what they say.

[Js_Sol]

i have no problems with consideration. I just don't want to be dating my mom, ya'know what I mean? Let me manage myself, not her (how many guys have said that before! ha ha)

 

 

i'm beginning to think this may have a bigger outlying problem.....oh well, thats relationships for ya. i'm lucky to be dating a girl that is considerate and sweet like she is (when she's not telling me to turn down my volume of course!!) I don't take that for granted for a second. It's just frustrating thats all........oh well, on to the next problem....(well, later)

[monkey1]

Ok, well it'd get both your ears checked.

 

2) Ask the neighbors if they can hear your TV at any time and if they DO, even just a little, to please come over and let you know so you can turn it down.

 

Where I live, in SF, we have neighbor on one side of the house and she's totally hard of hearing ... I can hear her TV on my side of the house and the windows are closed AND our houses are several feet apart. My roommate complained to her over the last 6 years because of this.

 

Some brothers moved into the house next to us and my side of the house shares a wall with theirs. I share my bedroom wall with one of the guys. I can hear him talking sometimes, moving stuff around, watching TV and a while back, getting it on with this girlfriend ... totally gross to hear.

 

Anywho, in regards to your girlfriend, maybe she does have sensitive ears, but you guys gotta find a halfway point to this. How, I don't know, other than having you guys talk to the neighbors to see if they ever hear your TV. If they don't, then she should chill out. If you're using the subtitles or have to sit 2 feet from to hear the TV ... that's way too low. Turn it up!

 

BTW, I have noticed for movies, specifically DVDs, you do need to turn up the volume since DVDs have high quality audio on it.

 

I also know my brother is going to have hearing loss because when he listens to his CDs, man he has them up to the Max I can totally hear the music from accross the house. And he also does play the TV loud at times ... all I can do is to tell him to turn it down.

[Js_Sol]

thanks monkey1!

 

a great reply, looking at both sides of the story. I'ved lived in about 5 different apt complexes and each one definetely has different sound dynamics. I think on this one I'm just judging by the fact that I can't hear ANY of my neighbors, side to side, or down......ever....nothing. I've lived in places before where I swear you could hear someone scratching.....oh man, those were the days. Last place we rented was a house, there was about 5 feet between them and us. I used to jam out to my metal music all the time. (pretty loud....cause thats the way metal should be) My GF was complaining back then too. My neighbor did come over one time and before he could say anything I started apologizing up and down about it being too loud. Turns out he couldn't even hear the music...in his place, or outside. It was definetely a victory for me. When we moved back into apts, I drastically reduced what I put my volume at to compensate to this. AFter all, I don't want to be a jerk either. So....we'll see...

 

i'll be checking with the neighbors next time I see them...I need to meet them anyway....