Strength!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bstrong2day]

I didn’t forget that you had asked how I’ve been. If you wanted the truth, I could write you a novel. But I won’t.

 

To watch someone who shared something so beautiful with me turn on me as if I’m some kind of monster is really hard to swallow.

 

I wasn’t the flavor of the week. We didn’t date for a few months. We did everything together, and I mean everything. She was my best friend, my lover, my partner in crime, my teammate, my soul mate, my anchor. She was my fiancé. She took my ring when I got on one knee to propose, and promised to marry me.

 

I honestly used to believe that if the whole world came crashing down around us, as long as we had each other, we’d be ok. It was us against the world. I stood right by her side and had her back through everything. Through her trial, through Katrina, through college. I was right by her side supporting her, holding her when she cried, when no one was there for her. I stuck with her through thick and thin and always respected her.

 

But in the end she gave up on me. She didn’t believe in my desire to make things work. She didn’t believe in my desire and ability to communicate and work through problems, including my own. She didn’t believe in my loyalty to her, her culture, and her family. Did I not deserve that? Did I not show her time-and-time again that I loved her with all my heart and soul?

 

To be honest, I loved her more than I loved myself, and that became a problem, because that was seen as weakness.

 

It's been a month since she broke up with me, and she hasn’t contacted me at all. Every day that passes, she’s moving on. The longer we go without talking or seeing each other, the more I become a stranger to her. But, I'm not a stranger! I'm still the cute, supportive, passionate, loyal, respectful, trustworthy, funny, fun-loving guy that fell in love with her. I'm still me. But, she doesn't see that anymore. She sees someone who’s weak.

 

But, I’m not weak. In fact, I’m stronger than most people in this world, because I can talk about my feelings.

 

 

I can be a really good person and still get dumped.

 

 

Mike

[AwdreeHpburn]

Mike - I love reading your posts.

 

I can sense the pain but can also really see your commitment to rising above it and not letting it get the better of you.

 

I hope you keep posting. I think its doing you good, as well as all who read your posts!

[ElektraHere]

Hi Mike,

 

I don't think your weak, your human. I think you just lost yourself in this relationship.

 

You said you loved her more than you loved yourself. You have to love you in order to love another. Yes she is moving on and as much as that is a painful thought that must be your action too. They are really the hardest steps a person must make. Leaving the past in the past and walking towards your future.

 

You are a good person who just has a broken heart that needs to be healed. Focus more on repairing the heart than what was and what was lost. Its hard but in order for you to be happy again its a must.

[iceman85]

Bstrong I hear your words and I know them all too well. We love and we do what is supposed to be right and where do we end up? Well one day, that person is going to come along and you will just know its forever. They will want nothing more than to be with you every second of every day and they will love you unconditionally. Let time heal your pain, and let love run its course, shes out there somewhere, and you just need to have faith in that, as well as faith in yourself.

[mikeca]

hey another mike, I can relate to alot of your feelings, especially about doing everything together..thats one of the harder things I found to let go.. the memories of everything, even just the little things she did I remembered. now its been 2 months NC and I'm finally at a point where I let it all go. Know this, theres going to be some hellish nights where you feel like the only person in the world but as you may know, your not alone.

[bstrong2day]

Writing this helped me.

[bstrong2day]

Well, I thought it helped me. It's another Saturday morning again, and the pain has set in, again. I'm trying not to torture myself by wondering what she might be up to. But, it's something that I can't stop, because she was everything to me, and now I'm alone, with myself. It hurts deep inside. I contemplated sending the original post to my ex's friend who asked how I've been doing. But, I'm not sure if it's the right idea, because I'm concerned with how it will be accepted. She may send it to my ex. Underneath, I hope she would send it to her.

 

I don't understand how my fiance could turn on me, just walk out of my life and disappear, even though I loved her so much, and she's just 20 miles away. I have no closure. She still has the engagement ring, although I sent her a letter 3 weeks ago asking for it back. A month later, and I have no closure at all. I wish she knew how I felt.

 

The next step is that I may send my ex's best friend this letter through email, and in it also ask her to tell my ex to please return the engagement ring. Driving to my ex's place and asking for the ring back will open the wounds again, and I just can't do that yet.

[iceman85]

bstrong she probably hasnt contacted you about the ring because she probably feels really bad about what has gone on and about hurting you. She may not want to give that ring up because then she will know for sure that things are done. I dont want to give you any hope but I'm just trying to interpret her actions here.

 

Don't feel bad if you can help it, youve done everything you can. Do not send lengthy posts to your ex's friends. Do you really want that to get back to your ex? You want your ex to have to wonder about what is going on so that she will take some initiative hopefully.

[bstrong2day]

Well, I know she hasn't called me, emailed me, checked my myspace page or made any contact with me at all. How could she not even look at my myspace page to see what I'm up to? This is someone that I spent the past 2 and a half years with. Someone that I was engaged to for a year. The break-up was brutal. She was ice cold, and didn't give me any reason for why she wanted to break-up. I have no closure at all.

[bstrong2day]

Ugghhh. I need help.

[mikeca]

dont go the friend route. I did and it was seen as manipulative even tho her and I were friends before, its a bad idea, read some of superdaves posts it always helps

[bstrong2day]

I hope that one day I am able to be at peace with myself. Right now I continue to torture myself with thoughts of what my ex might be up to. I continue to beat myself up. I feel the deep sadness and heart ache of losing something that I wanted more than anything in my entire life.