Is this something to be concerned about?

[drum4god]

This one is with my girlfriend's friend. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 8 months. I am madly in love with her, and I believe she is also. She did break up with me in January for about 7 weeks, because I was moving a little too fast, but I went strict, strict NC and she came back to me. Anyway, things have been great every since, and about month I told her I loved her, and she said it back.

 

Anyway, my girlfriend and I are both devout Christians. My girlfriend is a fairly new Chrisitan, and is hungry to learn abou God. That is probably what attracted her to me. However, I am concerned with one of her friends. This particular friend is a single mom that has been a Christian a long time. She is very bold, outspoken, but for some reason I always got a bad vibe from her. I know you can't get always go by that, but its just a feeling. With that said I have never said anything bad about her to anyone, because in reality she never did anything to me, or anyone else.

 

Anyway, Since my girlfriend became a Christian, my girlfriend and her have gotten close. They pray together, and I know my girlfriend looks up to her, because of her knowledge of the bible, and her experience etc.

 

Anyway last Sunday our church had a block party, and she was there (btw I really haven't hung out with her and my girlfriend before, this was this first time). She greeted me with overly friendly "Hiii George". I don't know it came off kind of fake. Again, I could be overanalyzing, but it wasn't a big deal. However, she introduced my girlfriend and I to one of her friends. When she did, she referred to me as my girlfriend's friend. Now, she knows very well that we are dating, and are in love. Why did she say "her friend George". I then walked my girlfriend to her car with her friend, and when I held her hand she held it then took her hand away. She rarely does this. I guess its not a big deal, but it did bother me. Not that much though. I didn't mention it to my girl.

 

A few night ago. I play basketball in my church. I happened to run into my girlfriend's friend at the church. I greeted her with a kiss, and asked her when are we going to hang out together (meaning her and my girlfriend). I told her my girlfriend talks so much about you, and we need to do it. She said she would try. But then she started to say how great a person my girlfriend was. She was saying "She is the best". "That is my best friend" THAT'S MY GIRL" She also said, if I need to call 3 in the morning she would be there for she. She is awsome! I followed with "I know she is. She is a great girlfriend also. She then gave me what seemed to be a fake laugh, and "Awh that so sweet". But I am telling you it didn't seem geniune. I can't read people's hearts or minds. So perhaps she is genuine. Its just the fact she went over the top in prasing my girlfriend. As if she was saying. You are together, but you won't ever be as close as we are. I don't know. Its probably not a big deal, but it doesn't feel right. It bothered me, but again it doesn't seem like a big deal.

 

Lastly, last night I called my girlfriend and asked if she can do me a favor. A friend of mine has a snare drum of mine, that I accidently left at my last gig. He lives about 5 mins from her, so I thought she wouldn't mind picking it up after work. I am about 40 mins, so it would be much easier for my girlfriend to pick it up. I did tell her if she was busy, that it wasn't a big deal. But she said she would probably do it. I gave her the directions and the guy's phone number. I told her that he will be home about 7, so call him then if you go.

I come home from the gym, and I get a message on my machine, that my friend was waiting for her, but had to leave the house at 8. I called my girlfriend to see if she was going, and she said she couldn't. O.K. No big deal. I should have communicated to her, if she wasn't going to call the guy. That was my fault. But here is where I am annoyed. I asked her what she was doing. She said she was watching her girlfriend (the one this thread is about) getting her hair done. Now, I don't care what she does in her spare time, but I feel a little hurt that she wouldn't do that little favor for me. However, I did say it wasn't a big deal, and she did tell me she could probably go tomorrow before I see her.

 

I don't know. I guess if the shoe was on the other foot, even if my girl said it wasn't a big deal I would do it. I am the type, to go through a brick wall for my anyone I love. Again, I may be overeacting, but the fact she chose to watch her friend get her haircut rather than get my drum doesn't make me feel that important.

 

I really don't know why I am really upset about this. The little things don't usually bother me, this does. For some reason I don't trust her friend. I guess she probably doesn't realize, how much that little favor would have meant to me.

 

Is this something I should tell her. Its so hard to find that fine line of expressing your feelings, but not overeacting over little things. I really don't like when I overeact, and I these things could just be my own insecurities I need to deal with. I really don't know.

 

Should I bring this up to her? Or do I need to take a chill pill? She really didn't do anything wrong. So I can't get mad. She just didn't do me a favor. Especially telling her it was no big deal if she couldn't.

 

Any thoughts, or insight would be appreciated.

[annie24]

I do think you're overreacting. her friend is a single mother and it is HARD being a single mother. It sounds like your gf is just trying to be a good friend to her. And yes, your gf was busy, even if it was watching her friend get her hair done. they were spending time together as friends.

 

I don't know. I guess if the shoe was on the other foot, even if my girl said it wasn't a big deal I would do it. I am the type, to go through a brick wall for my anyone I love. Again, I may be overeacting, but the fact she chose to watch her friend get her haircut rather than get my drum doesn't make me feel that important.

 

How would you feel if you and your gf were just watching TV, and someone called your gf and asked if she could go do some errand for them, and your gf went and did it? that wouldn't make you feel very good. Or if a friend called you while you and your gf were together, and you ran off to go get someone else's drum.

 

Us women do things like that together - get our hair done, or just watch if we don't need a haircut. It is like gossip time, or just talking about makeup and stuff. If I was with a friend, and her boyfriend called her and told her to pick up something, and she left me, I would just feel like she doesn't care about me at all. And why can't her boyfriend pick up his own drum?

 

give the friend a break. maybe she is just jealous that she is a single mom and doesn't have a boyfriend?

[drum4god]

BTW I mean to put this in Relationship Conflicts section (I don't want to hog up the board with my * * * * *y complaints LOL). I understand what you are saying. I guess the fact she told me at work she would probably do it, and then she didn't bothered me. It wasn't if she was already with her friend, when I asked her, and I even said if you have plans don't worry. She said I can probably do it. I believe when you are really in love with someone, you go through a brick wall for them. At least that is what I feel, and I know many have told me that also. It was just a 5 min drive, it wasn't taking her out of her way, and if she couldn't do it. Then, again I did tell her that it wasn't a big deal if she couldn't do it, so in reality I don't have a right to get upset.

 

I don't know. There is obviously something deeper here, and I have to deal with. For some reason, despite what she says I don't know if she really is in love with me. A lot has to do with her breaking up with me in January, because she didn't have those feelings. So In the back of my mind I feel that is the way she feels. So I tend to overanalys everything, and If she doesn't do the little things I take that as if she doesn't love me.

 

These are my issues, not hers.

[RayKay]

Moved it for you

 

I do understand why you feel a bit "slighted" but it is important to remember you did say she did not need to worry if she was busy, and in her mind maybe she was. It sounds like maybe you are being a bit passive-aggressive in this case. If you really would of wanted her to do it, you could of said "I would really appreciate if you could pick this up for me, I know you are busy but I really need that drum!". The way you phrased it came out more well, passive. Of course you should not order her around, but if it is important to you, then stress that.

 

I do think your insecurities from the past break up are playing a part in how you feel about incidents like this, and that is really something you will have to confront yourself. Has she given you any reason to believe she is NOT feeling strongly of you?

 

As for her friend, you can't hold that against your girlfriend. Some people are funny that way and say rather silly things without really thinking about it. She may have just been being a bit lighthearted, or jealous.....just relax and don't hold that against your girlfriend.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Then, again I did tell her that it wasn't a big deal if she couldn't do it, so in reality I don't have a right to get upset.

You say it wasn't a big deal, but here you are making a big deal about it. I really think you're over reacting. She may not have planned to go with her friend, but if you said its not that important and her friend wanted her to talk to, its an easy choice.

[Scout]

Hmmm...if I was in your place, I would have felt annoyed. But that's because I relate to your situation. My boyfriend has some friends that I have had issues with, and I know if I thought he was going to run an errand for me, but didn't because he went to go watch one of them do something, I would feel really irritated.

 

Now, the difference between you and me is I would say something right away, which might not be the best of ideas! Because it would come out all wrong, and snappy, and basically just piss my boyfriend off rather than make him say, "Gee, you're right. I'm sorry hon!"

 

So, you are doing a smart thing by processing this a bit before you make a decision to say something or not.

 

It seems there is a 50/50 chance this friend of your girlfriend's could be a threat to your relationship, I don't know. Some people really "latch on" to their friends, and they do resent their friends' boyfriends/girlfriends.

 

However, it seems too early to say in your situation. I would probably not say anything at this point, but the next time something like this happens, it would probably be worth it to have a civil talk with your girlfriend about it. Be honest about how you're feeling, admit you could be way off, but rather than have it bother you inside and take the chance of over-reacting at a later point, you'd appreciate it if you two could just talk this out and work together to find a mutual understanding.

[drum4god]

Thanks so much. Your post is confirming what I was feeling. I will let it go for now, but if something like this happens again I will bring it up. I just hope it doesn't come out when I see her tonight. I don't want to seemed annoyed. I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve.

 

I did some more thinking, and there is something else at hand here. About 10 years ago (the last woman I fell in love with) was bi-sexual and left me for a woman. Though its highly unlikely because my girlfriend and her friend are devout Christians, that thought seeps in my mind at times. I am sure that in contributing to my concerns.

 

I tell you, your mind can do some strange things to you, if you let it. I have let mine get the best of me the past few days. I will be O.K.

 

Thanks for the advice.

 

God Bless!

[Scout]

With your past experience, I can certainly see why you would have a moment or two of uneasiness about all this. But, the odds of that happening again are very slim. Most women have close women friends, and most aren't bi.