Im 13 and i really want to die, really want to. And no one understands. -_-

[GiveMeAllYourHopelessHeart]

I know no one is interisted in my story , but i need someone to talk to, i can't talk to my parents cause they get all "And can i do anything for you, can i help, how do you feel about that, " i just cant. I cant even talk to my friends cause they don't now whats it's like. This all started when i was in 3rd grade. Since then i was the most misrisble little girl in the world. I've cut myself and bleeded so many times. I even made a song about how i feel. I cry almost everyday knowing that this frick'n anti-depressing pills don't work. One of my (kinda) friends, Dom, (guy) hates it when im all emo, but i cant help it. And i really like Dom, so i try to act all happy, but i cant put on a fake smile anymore. I think dom likes me more than a friend, and i kinda do to, he's gave a snickers, a candy rock, said i was the niceist girl in the world, and said i had to go to this party cause i wasnt going, i really want to be alive to grow up, i don't even think im thinking straight.

[Alabama]

Have you been to a therapist? If the medicine your taking for your depression isn't working, than find some help! It is not good if you have been cutting yourself. You need help. It may not seem like your parents won't understand, but they may. Just talk with him.

[GiveMeAllYourHopelessHeart]

i've tried, but no good.

[yeawutever]

Givemeall stay on the line and please don't consider commiting suicide, you're just 13, you have plenty of miles to you before you finally get to rest in peace, but ending it at such an important stage in your life would affect everyone that cares about you and you wouldn't be able to accomplish what you want to now.

You should go get therapy right away, talk to a counselor in your school or Dom about it. Explain why you feel this way, but why all that cutting for?? Something must have happen to you in 3rd grade to consider cutting yourself, doesn't anyone in your family know about it, if not, you should tell them cuz then you wouldn't want the next action to be attempting suicide.

[xmrth]

I think you should read this book "Feeling Good: The New mood Therapy." It's a really good book, especially from everything I've heard about it, it is extremely helpful to people in your situation, especially where it started at such a young age. It's either for before, after, or during medication and seeing a therapist-- it has helped people at any time, and very effectively.

Go take it out or buy it if you're serious about feeling better.

[Scotcha]

When I was 14 I felt very much like you. I could've even written the very same thing. I ended up in the hospital in ICU for almost a week. I can't tell you enough how glad I am that I am alive today. It gets better, I promise you.

 

Sometimes it really helps to write about how you are feeling, just so you can get it all out.

 

What medication are you on for depression? Very often depression medication can actually make depression worse in children as was the case for me. I really feel that you should have your parents contact the Dr. who prescribed it for you and explain that your symptoms are getting worse.

[angel200488]

I won't tell you that I know how you feel but I will say I can assume rather closely how you feel. I have been in simillar situations as to where I thought I wanted to just "end it all". I also have made several attempts as well. Sometimes you wish it would all end, or you could just stop it all for just a little bit until things get better or sometimes you even feel as though you wish you could fastforward. The truth is that you can't, and that makes you feel helpless.

 

Are you on anti-depressant pills? I was and over time they eventually made everything worse, I would talk to your doctor about changing them or downing the dosage.

 

From what I have read it appears you have a guy that really cares for you, maybe not like a boyfriend would care but you do have someone that it effects to see you hurting yourself. And look on the bright side too, you did say it appears that he may like you more than a friend. My suggestion to you is to take all the negative thoughts and time you put into them and exchange them for other hobbies. Say...learning something new about Dom each day? Then you will be smiling and you won't have to fake it.

 

It all may seem impossible and "Easier said then done" but I delt with depression since age 8 and I made the change. Plus, I found someone who cared...and you will too...yourself. Good Luck and keep me updated.

[GiveMeAllYourHopelessHeart]

thanks, i guess

[coollady1957]

If you are on medication, then you have obviously sought help in the past. Maybe it is time to tell your parents once again that you need some additional treatment in hopes that they will grasp what you are saying to them.

[xmrth]

thanks, i guess

 

You're welcome, I guess.

[GiveMeAllYourHopelessHeart]

okay. thank you

[yeawutever]

thanks, i guess

 

You're welcome and it will get better. Sometimes you will be dealing with unpleasure moments in your life that you feel you're fed up with it but then other times, you're feel like the happiest person on earth, that is what is called "Having a life". Ever thought of actually writing all the positive qualities or good things that have ever happemed to you ever since you were born versus unfavorable situation, you'll see that the good ones override the negative experiences.

 

 

[InaneCathode]

Don't take this as an insult, please.

I think you should drop the Emo label, as suicide/cutting is pretty much status quo for the "emo" bracket.

Perhaps you're trying to fit in with other people who say things like this often?

[The_Vacancy]

I've been in your situation. It sucks but the one thing that made me keep going was to keep thinking I would have my up's and down's and believe me, you might be down now but you'll be happy later, the cycle continues. No one necesserily stays happy or unhappy. You're still young. I first really entered depression at about your age as well, it took months for me to really be happy again and you know how I became happier? I spoke to someone.

 

I can't speak to my parents, heck, talk to them and I feel worse about myself. But I reached out not to a proffessional but to just another regular human and she made me feel like I was really something. You might not get help out of your parents but that doesn't mean you have to forfeit and give up hope. Everyone has a reason for being here and I believe, these up's and down's make us stronger. Giving up will not help. You need to keep going, you'll get out of this depressing stage of your life and you'll become stronger and happier. Keep going.

 

Also just because you are upset or crying doesn't mean you are 'emo'. =] Everyone cries, everyone has difficulties, you shouldn't be labelled for being upset to a degree.

 

Hugs and good luck.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Yes, drop the Emo label.

 

I never labelled myself An Emo, but other people did. I don't see it as particularly desirable.

[eleanorrigby1]

I felt like this at 14, I think you will find a lot of people have been there, its puberty, hormones, not understanding the changes, your feelings. I happen to think its horrible that someone at your age is on anti depressants! you should be pursuaded to try St John's Wort, a multi vitamin and get some exercise or join a sport you like to do.

 

I also found keeping journals and writing pages and pages of how bad i felt, i used to cry until the ink smudged and then i would go to sleep, i did that every night for years, writing it all down, and then when i turned 18 I burnt all those journals in a big bonfire and said goodbye to puberty!

 

You have your whole life ahead of you, hopefully and lots of fun things to look forward to. My sister is 13 she sometimes rings me crying and says she is 'depressed' but you should see what she is like when a boy in her class she kinda likes asks her out! her mood changes pretty quickly! ha ha

 

I had particularly heavy periods when I was 14 which contributed to acute aneamia and that didnt help with my moods neither did vitamin B deficiency. Eat plenty of greens!

 

good luck