doyathink Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Ha, it's funny you bring this up. I am a night owl and my s/o is a early morning guy so it does cause a few issues. I go to bed around 3am and he gets up at 6 so were not together at night much. I can't sleep with his snooring and jerking around so I just stay late, wait for the sleep aid to kick in and go drop off! I have to admit, I do it partially because of the 'me time' also! Kids can be so wonderful and at the same time they can make your day hell... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nottoogreen Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Ha, it's funny you bring this up. I am a night owl and my s/o is a early morning guy so it does cause a few issues. I go to bed around 3am and he gets up at 6 so were not together at night much. I can't sleep with his snooring and jerking around so I just stay late, wait for the sleep aid to kick in and go drop off! I have to admit, I do it partially because of the 'me time' also! Kids can be so wonderful and at the same time they can make your day hell... It's funny you bring the snoring up which was mentioned elsewhere in this thread. Only one woman in my life mentioned I snore. I know that I must snore because my nasal airpassages are constricted and I have a chronic sinusitis. So, last night I asked my gf whether I snore and how she feels about it. She: Yes you snore but no problem. Me: Do you ever wake up?, She: yes sometimes, Me: I worry you do not sleep well, She: I sleep better when you are not far away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doyathink Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 It's funny you bring the snoring up which was mentioned elsewhere in this thread. Only one woman in my life mentioned I snore. I know that I must snore because my nasal airpassages are constricted and I have a chronic sinusitis. So, last night I asked my gf whether I snore and how she feels about it. She: Yes you snore but no problem. Me: Do you ever wake up?, She: yes sometimes, Me: I worry you do not sleep well, She: I sleep better when you are not far away. Oh, she sounds so sweet! Any girl who can sleep through snoring has to be worth keeping! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aschleigh Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 One thing that bothers me a bit about Enotalone is that most of the subjects people write about could really use a professional to sus them out. Why not go to Marriage counseling? Why not go to a regular counseler to talk about your issues with motherhood? Or even have a real conversation with your husband about things being not quite right and the need to Do something about it, before it gets really out of hand like you said and you leave him and/or your kids. I'm sure you will do what you need to when you need to do it, but what's the point in being miserable and having that effect your kids and marriage when there is a possibility to change it today? I thought you were from England. That means you have socialized health care. Counseling is probably free or cheap. Even if it's not it's worth it to get some movement on this and not stay stuck any longer than necesarry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
novaseeker Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 The sleeping issue is something that happens in a lot of relationships. Men snore (typically more than women and typically more with age as well) and it's very, very hard to fall asleep and/or fall back to sleep in the middle of the night. Also, people have different bedtime habits (morning person vs night person), and that can have a big impact on sleeping patterns as well. I know that in my own marriage, the morning/evening person thing had a huge impact, because while I had a lot of energy in the mornings, she would like to sleep in, and while she had a lot of energy in the evenings, I tend to be very drained anytime after 8pm or so, and so we had little quality time together. It varies from couple to couple, but it can be an issue of compatibility in at least some cases. I think that for the OP and her husband, the issue is: are you both satisfied with the current arrangement? It doesn't sound like you are. If you aren't, one or both of you will have to change a bit in terms of what you want, if you want to fall asleep together and sleep in the same bed. It's hard to say exactly how and exactly who should change, but some kind of compromise will be needed by both of you if it's important to you to fall asleep together often. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 Ta Ree Saw, I think this is a sign you are longing to be single again. I think this is a symbolic gesture on your part to have some much needed alone time. Based on your past threads, you do love your kids and husband very much. But you are deeply unsatisfied right now, and it's ok! Stop beating yourself up over the guilt of this, and actually do something to alleviate the stress. Are you pursuing outside interests regularly and consistently? Are you ruthlessly examining what would truly make you feel less stressed and tied down? I think you need to bring your husband in on this problem, and the two of you need to work together to find the solution. It helps to step back and look at the big picture of why you started a family. I guarantee some of those reasons are getting completely lost in the shuffle right now. What you are going through is more common than you realize, I bet. I also think if you truly had the single life again, after a time you would be longing for the family you had, and kicking yourself for not taking a different approach to dealing with your stress. It will also help immensely when the children are older and more self-sufficent, and can chip in more. But even right now, there are things you can do. I suggest marital counseling, too. It sounds like you have a good thing really worth nurturing and saving, but you are getting stuck on how to do this in a way that includes you retaining some of your self-identity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arwen Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Sleep deprivation makes manic. The kids nerve you, you nerve the kids. Over time, you get a train wreck. I also have the habit to sleep late, I am changing this slowly. You could sleep early and have "high quality me time" in the early morning instead when you are fresh. I totally agree. Tareesaw, overall I get the impression that you are depressed, and that this sleeping apart issue is merely a symptom of that. It worries me that you say you sometimes feel you should leave your family and that they'd be better off without you. They are not. I could be totally wrong here, but having to fall asleep with tv, used to be a symptom of sleeplesness for me, which in turn was a consequence of depression. In my old apartment, I had the tv in the living room, and sometimes I'd drag the heavy matras to the living room to sleep in front of tv, because other wise my thoughts would keep me awake. Ilse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nottoogreen Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 I totally agree. Tareesaw, overall I get the impression that you are depressed, and that this sleeping apart issue is merely a symptom of that. It worries me that you say you sometimes feel you should leave your family and that they'd be better off without you. They are not. I could be totally wrong here, but having to fall asleep with tv, used to be a symptom of sleeplesness for me, which in turn was a consequence of depression. In my old apartment, I had the tv in the living room, and sometimes I'd drag the heavy matras to the living room to sleep in front of tv, because other wise my thoughts would keep me awake. Ilse Cutting back on TV would sure be benefitial. I have none for 11+ years, silence is so nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rizen81 Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 i believe that couples should sleep in the same bed, but what do you do when you fiance has sleep apnea, and snores, in the past i have slept in the car. is this an acception for not sleeping in the same bed? rizen81. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout Posted July 14, 2006 Share Posted July 14, 2006 i believe that couples should sleep in the same bed, but what do you do when you fiance has sleep apnea, and snores, in the past i have slept in the car. is this an acception for not sleeping in the same bed? rizen81. Only if ear plugs don't work, and he's not trying to get treatment for his problem. They do have treatments for sleep apnea, in fact, it's a problem that from I understand, SHOULD be treated ASAP, because it can lead to serious medical problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratherbesailing Posted July 14, 2006 Share Posted July 14, 2006 Why not get a set of headphones or earbuds and a small LCD TV that you can adjust the brightness on and doesn't cast a lot of light off to the sides? It shouldn't keep him up and if you two still aren't sleeping together then you'll know that it really is something else. Anyone know of a good book light? I can't get to sleep when my girlfriend reads in bed and she can't see anything with the book light I bought her, it doesn't light up the pages enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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