When it needs to be all about YOU!!

[ElektraHere]

The pangs of loss and heartbreak or at least my commentary on it.

 

You know the first thing is devastation. I know I was totally and utterly devastated with this last heartbreak. I fell so far down that I didn’t think I was going to be able or want to pick myself off the ground and move forward. With a bit of help from a great group of men (go figure) they grabbed me by my hand and lifted me to my feet. (You know who you are and you know how thankful I am of you.)

 

I would go over every word, email, phone call, anything that involved him over and over in my head. I thought to myself "I can fix this." I wanted to fix that situation and not focus the fixing on myself. I was a broken down car on the autobahn held together with scotch tape and epoxy. If I kept that up I was bound to fall apart and get plowed over completely.

 

What did I do? I sat down and thought "Why?" Not why did he not want to love me but why am I doing this to myself. Do I really deserve this? Do I deserve the continual beating up of myself? The answer to that is NO!!!!

 

My first realization was I am a pissed off woman and watch out. Then I thought what will that prove? It will prove that I am being irrational. I decided right then and there "move on sister." I have told many of you here on Enot to do such and it was high time I took my own advice.

 

Next I am doing things for me and not for anyone but me! I went to a concert by myself and actually had a great time. I was able to talk to the artist and the others at the show. I have gone to eat by myself and was ok with that too. (It was lunch but hey that’s a start.) I trained the focus back on me and so many doors have opened within this short time. I was so busy with all the other crap that I was wasting MY life away.

 

The phase I feel that I am at now is "Oh well his loss right?" I am a catch and some guy will be very lucky to capture my heart. I have made a promise to myself never EVER loss myself in the relationship again. Be it a friendship or a romantic one.

 

My intent is we all bounce back. It will and it does happen. The bouncing back. Here at Enot I have had great success and great sorrow, but isn’t that life? Ups and downs?

 

If you are in the place I was in the beginning of this post you will reach the bottom of the page. You have to because with anything you can’t go backwards. Well you can but it makes more sense to move forward.

 

It is arduous and I am still a work in progress. I will make it and I will be happy that is a vow I make to myself everyday.

 

Ciao!

[renaissancewoman101]

Elektra, you hit the nail on the head with this thread. Sometimes it is best to just let go, move on, and work on yourself instead of working on something that is unchangeable.

[Dako]

EH,

 

Letting go of expectations is hard, especially for a motivated person like you. It takes effort to move on and get past the hard spots.

Some folks here cling to hope until they're almost obsessed with trying to force nature to comply. I'm glad you're working on yourself and seeing a brighter future with yourself, and possibly a new guy. We all deserve the best we can get. Why not?

 

Keep on going, girl!