is it normal that I don't like her to go clubbing??

[Massari]

az a guy I find myself being very over protective of my girl. one problem that we just encountered yesterday was the fact that she wanted to go clubbing with 3 of her GFs whom are single. Now if you guys know Toronto, you would know how messed up the clubbing scene is here. I mean messed up not for a single guy but for a guy who has a gf who's gonna go to one of these clubs. Guys are horny and drunk in these places and all they want is to get laid and get some action. And I really don't feel comfortable when she goes there. When I did say that to her she wasn't happy but eventually she didn't go. I know that means that she cares a lot about me. But I want her to know that this is also why I don't like her to go there. I don't want guys touching her and kissing her,, tell me please if I am being unreasonable here or not? Thank you.

[LostInMyThoughts]

You not wanting her to not go clubbing with friends isn't that unreasonable. You asking her not to go clubbing with her friends is unreasonable.

 

If you can't trust your gf to go out to the clubs with friends, and not get in bed with drunk horny guys, then I think there are bigger issues at hand.

 

No matter how you jusitify it to your girl (and I don't think you reasons are bad) it's going to boil down to you effectively saying "I don't trust you to handle yourself in a situation with drunk horny guys."

[BillyJean714]

I don't think that you're being unreasonable. If she's going clubbing once in a while, then I think it's okay. It doesn't mean that she'll automatically let guys touch her. I have a friend, who I respect for the fact that she's really straight up in a sense that, when she's in a relationship, zero flirting goes on at a club. She will straight up tell a guy to his face, "Hey man. Relax. I have a boyfriend." So no need to worry, if you know that your girlfriend isn't that type of girl.

 

I would caution you though, if your gf goes clubbing pretty often to the point where it's almost every weekend, I would be a bit cautious. I know that when my female friends do this when they're in a relationship, it's often times when they go into "party-mode" that they're dead tired/bored of their relationship with their man. They just don't have the guts to break-up with their bfs. It also depends on your age group. With my friends, once they go into party mode, I always know that something's wrong in their relationship. They just somehow find another outlet to escape their problems, and yes, they meet guys at clubs when that happens. It's unfortunate, and I don't like it when they do this. But what am I to do? Nag them? Not my job.

 

So yah, if your girl's going only once in while, then don't trip. If you want to talk about clubbing in Canada, I think clubbing in L.A. is just as bad. It doesn't matter. What matters is her actions and the frequency of her going clubbing without considering how you feel about it, too. If she wants to act like she's single, show her the door, and let her be. Just my opinion. Otherwise, no need to worry. Good luck!

[CarnelianButterfly]

I don't think this is so much about the fact she's clubbing as much as whether or not you trust her. I had a roommate that went to clubs just to dance, she wasn't interested in guys, getting laid or anything beyond loud music (she didn't even drink). She got up the next day and went to church.

 

So the real question is "Do you trust your girlfriend?".

[Massari]

Thank you all for the response.

 

I guess I should tell you about her a little. We only have been going out for a months and 3 weeks. So not that long. During the first 2 week something happened that I was gonna just end everything with her. a guy she dated a while back (not a bf) calls her .. apparently he is/was a friend that there is a party at his house and so she goes. He lied to her. no party so they end up watching TV. He makes a move on to kiss her and she backs off mad and how disrespectful he was to her cause he knew he had a bf. Now I have told her that I DO NOT WANT YOU TO have any sort of contact with him, something about him sounds very fishy to me. She reassures me that he is just a friend and if I am asking her not to have guy friends. Obviously when she says that I am starting to thing maybe I am being unreasonable. So anyhow this incident happens like 2 days after what I told her. so she calls me and tells me that he hissed her and she is sad and apologizes to me and that she was an idiot and that I knew what was best for her. she is young .. 18 and I am 22 but I love her and she loves me too. She never went clubbing . infact we've been spending quite a lot of time together. Now yesterday she was gonna go clubbing and I just told her I DON'T want history happening again. So don't go to the club. So she agrees, but deep down I don't want to say that to her, obviously she can do whatever she wants but then there is my concern about it. I know I would never do anything she doesn't want me to do, doesn't matter how much I want to do. To me this sound like compromise in a relationship

[BillyJean714]

Re-Edit: We must've posted around the same time. I didn't get to read your recent post. If I were in your shoes, I would've dumped her right then and there. It's not like she's stupid. She KNEW the guy used to like her. What the hell is she doing hanging out with him knowing that she has a bf? In fact, I would be creeped out if someone lied to me about something like that. I would think that they're a creep. I wouldn't even permit myself to stay around that person, let alone, put myself in the position where he could place his two-lips anwyhere near my face.

 

It doesn't seem like she has much integrity if she "consciously" put herself in this position. Sure she wasn't lying to you? Sounds like she's lying to herself and to you when she went and hung out with that guy. I don't blame you for not trusting her.