I Can`t Continue Like This

[lanty3]

hello to everyone at e-notalone. i had visited the site for about a year before i registered a few weeks ago.this is my first thread although i have posted 3 replies. i`ve found a place to commiserate,if that`s the write word.

i`m not sure where to begin or how to structure this post so i`ll just go with a stream of consiousness method.sorry if i ramble on.....

[lanty3]

woops! i hit a wrong button and posted before i even finished. so i`ll pick up here.

(boy,this is so like me to do that!)

this is the kind of blunder that just throws me off.i`m really tempted to just throw in the towel right now ,but i`ll go on.

i`m 46,so far as i can tell this makes me a little older than most of the members of this site. i relate to so many of the guys who`ve never been kissed or had a girlfriend. i`m afraid when the 17,18 and 20-somethings who have no romantic experience see me in the same boat at this age they may just pack it in.i`ve missed so much in life,it makes me very meloncholy. a good part of it is my own fault;i`ve just been too scared to take a risk.

i was born to middle-aged parents.by the time i was 20,thier health was beginning to fail.being the only one left at home(of 3 other siblings) it fell to me to care for them. it may sound nice ,but it also gave me one heck of an excuse to continue to avoid facing life on the outside.i had a very sheltered childhood,was bullied,made fun of etc.. my parents just couldn`t deal with another child at thier age .i believe my father found me to be an annoyance and my mother,who lost a daughter when i was a year-old,smothered and overprotected me. those things and a naturally sensative temperment made me very withdrawn.

my mothers been gone for 10 years now,my father for 4. now i find myself alone; no friends,no social life,a job i hate and no significant other. in a purely intellectual sense i`d been able to recognize these feelings,but never had the courage to face them and change my circumstances. i mean on a real emotional,mental and spiritual level. lately though i feel as if i`ve had an epiphany.it`s sounds mushy but when i read posts about "soulmates" and how you people put your hearts on the line and get out there take the risk of just plain old living,it breaks my heart to have lived this long and have so little to show for it. i`ve been holding fast these past few weeks;trying to keep looking up. i want to change things ,i don`t really know if i`m worth being loved by a decent woman and loving her in return;this is the catylist for my deep seated desire to build my own life.i want that "soulmate"in my life,like anyone else.

well i think i`m done for now,any response,advice,encouragement would be appreciated more than i could into words.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Its never too late to change. As long as you are willing to step outside you sphere of comfort you do anything you put your mind to.

 

I've spent the past couple of years trying to come out of my shell. I had to do somethings that used to scare me to death, like talking to people, being myself, or shrinking from all attention.

 

Its not going to be easy, but you can do it. I wish you luck!

[brando]

Welcome lanty,

 

Well i think your desire to change your life and want a soulmate is the catalyst for that change. It sounds like your journey has begun,and what a ride it will be.

 

Awareness is so important, but action is greater. It is difficult facing our fears, their is no easy way to do this. I suggest one day at a time.

 

Their are others here your age and older as well. So you are not alone.

 

be well,

brando

[Haven]

i don`t really know if i`m worth being loved by a decent woman and loving her in return;this is the catylist for my deep seated desire to build my own life.i want that "soulmate"in my life,like anyone else.

Everyone is worth being loved. Don't ever, ever think that you aren't worth that. And I agree about it not being too late. Like they say, "Better late than never." Good luck