iceman85 Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 I am starting on day 1 of NC after trying it before and giving in. I'm really determined to do this for a good amount of time but its so hard! I'm posting here so I don't crack and give in somehow. I know its for the best and anything that gives me even a remote chance of getting back with the girl I love is worth it. Any other NC's out there really finding it difficult? Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 HI Iceman Welcome to the world of NC. We have a table set up for you near the stage. Stay for as long as you want ;-) Yes NC is hard believe me I know. However, it is imperative that you stick to it. I have fallen off the horse so many times but I think this last fall was the enough is enough fall. With each fall you think it wont hurt as much and eventually it does. Posting here is good when you are tempted to contact or calling a friend. I know my friends and family were and have been a godsend. There are also alot of great people here that offer up some pretty sound advice. Keep it up and take it an hour at a time for right now. Then increase to a day, then a week, and so on.... YOU CAN DO IT!!! Link to comment
iceman85 Posted June 16, 2006 Author Share Posted June 16, 2006 Thanks Elektra I know I can do it and its imperative to do this in order for things to get better, i'm so glad i found this site because i was always the type to keep up the chase after the breakup. I did a little of the emotional stuff a few days after this breakup but I have since stopped and feel that NC is the only way for my ex to find herself and realize however much i mean to her, because with me still there to lean on she will just think I can be there no matter what and shes free to just keep me for whatever she wants. I'm sure NC gets easier from here on out. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 It will get easier as it becomes routine and habit for you. Mind you, you will have setbacks along the way, there will be tests of your will, but just do it... Link to comment
joyce1412 Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 HEY! iceman, don't you dare go back on NC when you so strongly advised me against breaking it! think about an alcoholic who can say, "i've been sober for eight months!" it's not as cool as saying, "i've been sober for eight and a half days!" just give yourself points for every single day you successfully resist contact. when i have days of feeling weak or wondering why the HELL i am doing this, i just remind myself of how proud i should be for how far i've come. as far as my ex knows, i'm dating and moving on (which i am, to a certain degree. it will make you feel strong if you can give off an air of being strong and together. sometimes we act what we don't feel until we eventually begin to feel it. sometimes i almost forget why we do NC. but i had a relationship a couple years ago in which my best friend fell in love with me while with his girlfriend of two years. after an ill-advised "night of passion" with me he seemed even more firmly committed to her, and i was left heartbroken and cut out of his life. for months i held on, and several times over those few months i tried to get in touch with him. when i finally received a response, he was SO rude and broke my heart all over again. after this i TRULY committed to NC. i got my life back, dated a great new guy, made the first HUGE steps to not caring about him--no more looking at his livejournal! no more asking his cousin if he asks about me! and whaddya know--four months later, after he seemed a distant memory, he called, saying he was still in love with me and begging me back. it's true--THERE IS A REASON WE DO NC and work on ourselves and building our lives after a breakup. we can't forget this. and don't forget that after a while, when your ex is still alone, she is going to feel regret for losing someone who cares for her so much. this is undisputable. Link to comment
iceman85 Posted June 16, 2006 Author Share Posted June 16, 2006 Well right now my ex isnt exactly alone, she is hanging out with a new group of people and getting into drinking and whatever else. She is also kind of/kind of not with this other guy I didnt dare to ask her about it but she doesnt say shes in a relationship on her myspace she just lists herself as "swinger". I think that its very key NOT to look at facebook, myspace or anything of the sort. Thats where i've been weak so far but now i'm committed to not doing it because in reality im just giving myself more pain to look at that. I know that NC is the only way I will heal and do better for myself I cant stay her best friend because then she will know she can just have her way with me, she needs time apart from me to think about her life, shes thinking of leaving school, shes doing things shes never done before and it just seems her whole attitude has gone completley awry. NC I hope will help her to kind of wake up from whatever shes going through, but most importantly help me to get to a better place. Link to comment
JohnnyTable Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 Check this thread for some help: Link to comment
babypink61 Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 I was lucky to be around a great circle of friends while I was on NC. My friends would drag me to go out so that I would stop thinking about it. I think hanging around my friends helped out a lot. They were all good listeners so I felt a lot better having people I could talk to and vent out my frustrations. Another method you could try is to write down what you want to say to her on a piece of paper, after you finish it, read it over, and then crumble it up and toss it into the trash can . . . I think it will make you feel better after you get it outta your system. Link to comment
iceman85 Posted June 16, 2006 Author Share Posted June 16, 2006 Thanks Johnny I saw that thread and am doing exactly what you advised I think it works a whole lot better than just not contacting, you need to try to remove all influences as hard as it may be. Link to comment
joyce1412 Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 iceman, one of the worst things i did for myself in the past was looking at my guy's myspace/livejournal/whatever. it killed me to see that all was going along without me. to me it felt even worse than spending half a day thinking of him. plus, this guy in particular had moved on to another girl and now kind of admits that he was deliberately putting propaganda out there to make it seem like he didn't care about me--what if your ex is doing this too? it's weird, but i'm sure you know that often in a breakup the two parties feel the need to compete to see who is moving on the fastest. try not to put her life without you right in front of your face like that--at least not yet. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 iceman, one of the worst things i did for myself in the past was looking at my guy's myspace/livejournal/whatever. Let me add to the "whatever" portion of this his or her personal ad on a dating site. That happened to me before, trying to "get back out there" I came accross her profile on a site...and I about had a heart attack...it was a real emotional pile driver... Link to comment
JohnnyTable Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 Thanks Johnny I saw that thread and am doing exactly what you advised I think it works a whole lot better than just not contacting, you need to try to remove all influences as hard as it may be. Once you do it, it will seem so silly that you didn't do it earlier! Link to comment
serenity25 Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 Let me add to the "whatever" portion of this his or her personal ad on a dating site. That happened to me before, trying to "get back out there" I came accross her profile on a site...and I about had a heart attack...it was a real emotional pile driver... Aww, yeah myspaces and public profile sites really are dangerous temptations for curious exes. How did you get yourself past that painful moment, frisco? Were you tempted to check that site again once you knew it was there? This is also why I made my myspace private so only my friends could see. There are a couple exes I wouldn't want lurking at my profile... Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 How did you get yourself past that painful moment, frisco? Let's see...I nearly threw up, collapsed to the floor, stayed up all night thinking about what I was going to say to get her back, and sent her an email at 6am saying we needed to talk. I was really good to her, we had amazing chemsitry, and she was really confused trying to love me, so she agreed. I went over to her house that afternoon, said my piece, we both cried our eyes out, got back together. After that little honeymoon period lasted a couple weeks (albeit a wonderful illusion), things went back to the way they were and I ended up breaking up with myself a few weeks later. It was weird. I knew she was distant, wanted out, so she asked me over saying "we need to talk". I went over there, and she couldn't say a word. So I said everything and broke up with myself... And then we got back together after that...yada...yada...yada... So that's the short answer...I learned my lesson after that... Link to comment
DCMann2 Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 iceman, one of the worst things i did for myself in the past was looking at my guy's myspace/livejournal/whatever. it killed me to see that all was going along without me. to me it felt even worse than spending half a day thinking of him. plus, this guy in particular had moved on to another girl and now kind of admits that he was deliberately putting propaganda out there to make it seem like he didn't care about me--what if your ex is doing this too? it's weird, but i'm sure you know that often in a breakup the two parties feel the need to compete to see who is moving on the fastest. try not to put her life without you right in front of your face like that--at least not yet. And that's EXACTLY why I don't check my ex's myspace anymore. I still have her as a friend, but she's not in my top 8, so I don't know if she's online and just avoiding me if I don't see her, and I don't even look at her page. She reads my bulletins, and sometimes I'll read hers, but only if they're neutral (no surveys, since most of the time they ask if you're in love, and with whom). Link to comment
brando Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 I had a gf once who was six years older than me. I remember we were talking about a friend of hers who was going through a rough break up. My ex gf told me then that if i ever broke up with her, she would not call me or try to get me back. So when i broke up with her she kept that promise. Some 15 years later, this has to be one of the greatest things she ever did for me. It truly was a gift. Link to comment
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