I want to write my ex another letter

[bstrong2day]

Serenity, thanks for your support. You as well as Frisco have really helped me hang on and keep moving over the past few weeks. The only thing that has really helped me get over past break-ups is meeting someone new. Although, this isn't any other break-up. I was 27 years old, engaged, planning marriage, having children, growing old, sharing each other's company, etc. We were so close, yet so far away. I always wanted to be a young dad so I could spend a lot of active time with my wife, daughter/son. I was really set on it. I really thought she was the one. I've got to wake up and get out of this dream world I'm living in. Frisco, I think you are right. She's a shell of who she was. What we had is dead now. How could she interact with her friends like nothing was wrong, while ignoring me when I was physically right next to her throughout the trip in Vegas? I'll never understand how the dumper shuts the feelings off and continues on with life, moving on without a hitch. I'll never get it. Never

[friscodj]

Hey B-

 

You don't have to understand. That's the thing. So many people on here are on this mission to figure everything out, get all the answers, but why? You're just dwelling in the past trying to find some comfort in it to ease the pain. But who says answers will bring comfort? Nothing is changing, the situation is still what it is... So many people ask "Why?" when they should be asking "How?", as in, "How do I get past this and how do I live a better life because of this?" Who cares if you never figure this out...

 

Anyway, keep writing dude! I can tell it is helping you. Write a freaking book about this if you have to.

 

And I'll tell you something else too. Life is funny and surprising. You laid out all these plans, had it all planned out, all the details. Realize that these plans you had may not have been the best plans! You're 27 dude. You have got so much more time to live and make new plans. I know you can't see it now, but you do.

 

I can tell you have a good spirit and a good heart. What I've seen with people like you is that they go through the wringer a few times, gain a lot of wisdom and insight, then meet "the one" and use that wisdom and insight to make one hell of a boyfriend, husband, and father...

 

You'll be fine, keep writing and stay strong...it's only a matter of time...remember those words...it's only a matter of time.

[serenity25]

Anytime. I'm several years younger than you, but went through the same emotions. I thought for sure I had found the person to spend the rest of my life with. I thought he would never leave me because he adores me, he needs me, he loves me.... well, suddenly he left, became a person I didn't recognize and cut off contact- you know the rest because it has happened to you. I can't tell you how the dumper shuts off feelings because I could never do that to anyone...and was never cold to the people I have ended things with because I wanted to spare them as much pain as I possibly could within reason. We are just left to wonder if they can sustain this for the rest of their lives or ever end up with regrets? But either way, our goal is to not care.

 

I also looked back and recognized the little red flags that I ignored because I wanted to believe in him, to trust him and believe that with me things would be different. The thing that really helped me to eventually realize (and I still have to remind myself of this when I start missing him...) is that I loved him so much, I built him up to be something he wasn't. I went more by words rather than actions. I loved who I thought he was and who I thought he could be, rather than WHO HE REALLY WAS. So in essense, I loved someone and wanted to spend my life with someone that I created in my mind...who didn't really exist at all.

 

I believe that in many ways you are doing the same things... seeing her for what you hoped she could be, and what she showed to you for some time. You want to believe that she can be that again and make excuses for why her behavior suddenly changed. But the sad truth is that this is her authentic self. She has it within her to be incredibly cold, inconsiderate, rude and cruel in some ways. You truly are better off without her. I know its hard to realize now, but you will slowly make that transition. This is HER loss completely....you only have the world to gain.

[bstrong2day]

I'm heading out for a long run at the gym to blow off some steam.

[temujin]

Hi,

 

I read your stories. I am very sorry that you have to end up with the same lies and pain that I went through. But really, at this point, she is never ever going to be the person you thought you love. I think I have come to the point where I realise that the person I love is already dead, the one who betrayed me and used me is someone else and is someone that I will never start a relationship with. It is just too bad that I was too blinded while in the relationship to see all the changes.

 

Yeah she is dead......

 

And I will not recommend you do this but I never regreted screaming at her after she told me things like "If there wasn't a hole in our relationship, how could someone sneak in and ask me if I want a path with less bumps". Well some people may see it as immature, but that was my closure, my final realization that the person that was talking to me is not the person I know and I have no qualms about burning bridges with this person forever.

 

Good luck.