Painful sex

[SheWolf]

I guess I do not have vaginismus because my husband was able to penetrate me in the right spot (we looked up a diagram.) however we've tried it about three times and it hurts really bad everytime. Is this normal? Is sex suppose to hurt? And how long will it take for it to stop being painful? I cried the last two times.... Is there any way to make it less painful? Thanks.

[ElektraHere]

Do you use any sort of lube?

[SheWolf]

Yes, KY jelly.

[ElektraHere]

How much do you use? Also do you have any sort of foreplay so that you can get naturally lubed too? I hope you dont mind me asking but how large is your husband?

[Emotional]

ky jelly...

massage oil

 

im guessing your husband is hung like

a horse....the only way to get past this is

to have sex daily...yikes...lol

[thegirl_00]

it used to hurt me REALLY badly too until i had sex about 10 times.

[SheWolf]

he's prolly 7 or 8 inches I'm not sure but he wants it all the time and I feel so bad because I'll be all teared up during it and it makes it less enjoyable for him.

[SheWolf]

It wasn't nearly as bad last time then it was the first or second time, I scratched his biceps up the second time because my nails were digging into him because it hurt.

[ElektraHere]

I didnt mean how long I meant his width. I would either ask your doctor for advice or switch to a water based lube. Do you have much foreplay? Have you tried different positions to relieve the pressure?

[SheWolf]

Oh sorry I don't know he's pretty wide though. Does height have to do with the size of a girl's vagina because my height is like 4'9 my mom is short too and she couldn't have a baby naturally because she wouldn't dialate I was wondering if that was genetic??? Yes, we have foreplay except for the last time we just went straight to intercourse.

[ElektraHere]

Height I don't think plays a part in it. I think with your issue you need to at least lube up real well and try a different position.

[chai714]

Do you have any history of sexual abuse?

 

Have you experiences this problem in the past with other partner(s)?

[Süsser Tod]

Hmmm, what kind of foreplay???

 

Vaginas are quite "stretch-able", but they need time, patience and a little work to get it to stretch, it is not like rubber.

Have him play with you with one finger, then two fingers, then three fingers. At that point the vagina will only have to stretch a little bit more to acomodate his penis, instead of going from 0 to his penis.

You'll set the pace, once you get comfortable with one, ask him for the second finger, if that is uncomfortable, keep playing with one finger and try again.

 

It is his duty to help you, it should be pleasurable for both, not a torture for you. And as bad as you may feel now for not giving it to him, imagine how you'll feel after some years of the same thing.

 

So, talk to him, ask him to help you. In the meantime there are other things you can do to orgasm.

[ocrob]

Are you newly married? Have you had sex before your husband? You sound pretty small, but I doubt it is his size. It could be your lack of experience or possibly his technique or neither. Does he give you oral sex? If he is just jamming it in, then that will not work and is also not very romantic. I suggest having him perform oral on you for at least twenty minutes. He should be pulling back your clitoral hood and licking your clit. He should make sure to get you very wet and use his fingers most of the time. If this feels good, then you will be ready to go. If receiving oral and having his fingers inside of you hurt, then there could be an issue. If you get to this point and it does not hurt, then I suggest he uses lube and is very gentle. Even if he is huge, if he is gentle and goes slow, then it will not rip you up. I am not trying to talk porn here, but this is an issue that should be addressed. Try the advice from everyone and I hope your husband is caring and open. Remember that the vigina can expand enough for a baby so a man's penis should not be a problem. It could be technique or some sort of medical issue. Keep us posted.

[eleanorrigby1]

It hurt me when I fist lost my virginity but after that sex was fine. When I went for my first smear test it hurt a lot and I bled. however I went for one recently and I didnt feel a thing.

 

I realise that this was because i had been scared in the past and aprehensive that it 'might' hurt and so then it did.

 

where abouts is the pain? could you have an infection?

[nottoogreen]

Hi SheWolf,

 

You are young and when ready will be plenty big enough.

 

You will lubricate a lot when ready, no need for KY.

 

Here is a first time 101 which may help.

[SheWolf]

Thanks, everyone I really appreciate it, Yes I was very scared every time we do that. In fact I have always been bad with stress and hardly ever relax my husband says even when asleep I will jump at his touch. He has been my first intimate partner. I've always kind of been afraid of sex, that might be it. And I'm pretty sure I don't have an infection and he does do oral on me.

[nottoogreen]

Thanks, everyone I really appreciate it, Yes I was very scared every time we do that. In fact I have always been bad with stress and hardly ever relax my husband says even when asleep I will jump at his touch. He has been my first intimate partner. I've always kind of been afraid of sex, that might be it. And I'm pretty sure I don't have an infection and he does do oral on me.

 

OK, to overcome your fears, it takes time together, you relax, he patient and gentle, you will get there and be stronger together.