Insecurity ~ Letting it go

[ElektraHere]

When your feeling insecure how do you go about letting go of that negativity? Insecurity seems to sneak up on a person at the most inopportune times.

 

Any helpful advice would be appreciated.

[Beyondthesea]

I often feel insecure in my relationships, my work, my abilities, etc.

 

How do I handle it? Well, I logic think my fears away using positive reinforcement (self-talk). Ex: If my boyfriend didn't love me, he wouldn't be talking about moving into a house with me soon.

 

At work: If I wasn't capable of handling this project then they wouldn't have assigned this to me. Or "I am completely capable of handling this project so long as I plan this out step by step."

 

Also, I ask for feedback from others regarding my performance, and for positive words from my bf who will confirm I am just worrying or feeling insecure over nothing

[spookylittlegirl]

This is going to sound funny, but when insecurity creeps up on me, I usually just say "Meh." With that, I mean "I know who I am, I know I'm a great person, I like who I am, and I have no reason to feel anything less than great about me." As you can see, "meh" is much shorter, lol. It helps me to put those negative thoughts out of my head, thus negating their control over me. Its worked wonders on many occasions.

[vale007]

Elektra,

I think journaling is a good way. Be realistic, write about your insecurities and how real they are. Are they based on your own perception or are they real fears? If they are real, what can you do to feel more at ease?

 

Also, do things that make you feel good, like a nice bath, have a massage, a manicure, go out with a good friend, watch a comedy, etc.

 

We all have those, it's normal as long as they're preventing you from doig things you love.

 

Affirmations are a good tool as well.

Hope that helps

[chai714]

I stop everything. Think about how much control over the given situation I have. If I have little control, then I mentally "write it off." If I can control or influence the situation, I try to think of HOW I can do it.

 

If I can't figure it out right then, I will try to occupy my mind, body, or both with something else and come back to it.

 

In your case, I would bet that building up your self-esteem would make your life more happy overall. And how to do that is by living your life in such a way that you see positivity as a result.

[friscodj]

Well, there are a couple of things I do.

 

1) Just don't care. Is whatever it is I am insecure about really that big of a deal? I mean really, life will go on and I'll be fine at any rate no matter what happens here. If my partner dumps me, I'll heal and there will be another. If I lose my job, I'll get another. And will my worry and insecurity help the situation or make it worse? And why am I wasting my time thinking about all this? Especially when I could be using this time to improve the situation I'm insecure about...

 

2) Find security in other areas of my life to compensate. "OK, I'm in this relationship and this person might dump me and break my heart, but I still have my family, friends, my house, car, job, my passions in life, hobbies, etc." Whatever it is you're insecure about, it's just one thing...

 

Hope that brief piece of advice helped...

[renaissancewoman101]

Elektra, I know how it is to feel insecure. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and think about the positives in your life, like that you have your health, people who love and care about you, you have a job, place to live, etc. Be thankful about the small things in your life. Also, think about what people like you for. Are you happy with yourself? Sometimes, in order to combat insecurity, we have to be happy with ourselves and our inner being.

 

I know I sound like I know it all. I don't. Right now, I am feeling very insecure about my life. After what happened to me this morning, there is a very big possibility that my life may change in a bad way in the near future, concerning my best friend and his bf. My best friend's bf is very mad at me and I have to go up tomorrow or Thursday to diffuse a situation.

 

I know what it is to feel insecure and I feel for you.

 

Hang in there Elektra, we are here for you.

[tylercdurden2004]

I focus on hobbies and things I enjoy doing. Sports are a great way to pump yourself up. A good work out makes you feel good and can help burn of the negativity. As well as what Chai said what category it falls under: Problems I can do something about and ones I cant.

[Dako]

I'm pretty much the poster child for insecurity.

I have a set of mystical mantras:

 

Arrrgh!

It doesn't matter

Kiss my shiny metal azz.

What's the worst that could happen?

I was looking for a job when I found this one.

When you've got your health...it's time for a cigar

 

My insecurity makes me sarcastic. Duh!!!

[ElektraHere]

In your case, I would bet that building up your self-esteem would make your life more happy overall. And how to do that is by living your life in such a way that you see positivity as a result.

 

Chai I think you are right about this one. I don't believe in myself and my attributes very much. When I do a good job and their is praise I say something negative about myself. If someone compiments me I always say oh my hair is awful today or something to downplay it. Don't get me wrong I like to hear it but when I do I downplay it. Make any sense???

My friends tell me I have this natural presense when walking into a room. I always thought it was the height thing (6' tall) but they say that if I took command of it the world would be my oyster. I am oblivious to this "presense" they talk about.

 

So ok lets morph this post into Self Esteem. We all have had issues with it at one time or another. What are some of the ways you boost yours?

[chai714]

This is according to David J. Lieberman and it might make sense to you:

 

"In order to be happy, have good relationships, and be psychologically balanced, a person has to feel good about himself. This means that we need to literally love ourselves. And this self-love is called self-esteem.

 

Now, many folks insist that all we need to feel good about ourselves is to get a good dose of self-esteem, as if we could order it off the menu at Denny's. That would be great if we could, but self-esteem is a by-product of how you live your life. It cannot be gained directly. It can be gained only through self-respect. Why is this so? Simply, if you do not respect yourself, then you cannot love yourself."

[Relationship Coach]

First of all you must try and understand what has created your insecurities. Most insecurities are caused by failures in life or fear of failure but some insecurities arise from successes too. Sometimes when we do something great we start doubting ourselves, "can I do this again or continue to perform at this level?" So getting to the source of your insecurities will help make them lessen or vanish entirely.

 

Other insecurities are created by outside influences such as being told by someone, "you'll never be good enough" or "no one will want you." As sad as it sounds most of these comments will come from those closest to us, friends, family and loved ones. Again, pin pointing the source will help you counter the negativity that has been ingrained in your personality. Cutting out the negative influences around you is one of the keys to getting back on track. Sometimes this means letting go of toxic friends and at times, family members too.

 

Failed relationships can certainly cause insecurities as well because what we once thought was a security blanket turned out to be nothing more than a cocoon that we later wrap ourselves in and hide from the world. So step 1 is to get to the source and go from there.

 

RC

[chai714]

Sometimes, I am amazed that this site is free.

 

Relationship Coach just gave you advice that would cost other people lots of money.

[friscodj]

You know, I don't agree with any of this...no good...

 

I'm just kidding, YOU DA MAN RC!

[vesper]

Hey elektra!

sometimes I think insecurities are caused by things that we are *afraid* to do. At least admitting that you are afraid sometimes helps!

[Momene]

Woody Allen had the best idea: he made films about his!

 

In most things I see my strengths as well as my weaknesses.

 

For example I don't have detailed knowledge of the things I teach but know how to get the little I do know accross and keep the class entertained.