CarnelianButterfly Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 The fact that she clicked with her boyfriend is wonderful for her but for her to express the opinion that others should be as "open" to romantic relationships with people who are not formally educated I think is presumptuous on her part. Oh the horror, someone expressed an opinion and encourage people to date outside their regular social circle. You chide someone for being tolerant to differences, is that what education teaches? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Oh the horror, someone expressed an opinion and encourage people to date outside their regular social circle. You chide someone for being tolerant to differences, is that what education teaches? Nope - I think it's great that she clicked with her boyfriend - I chided her for suggesting that her approach would presumably work for others and claiming that if we would all be more open or honest we too could do what she did. I think it's fine to suggest dating people who come from different backgrounds - but to suggest that "if" people would be more "genuine" or "open" or however she put it they would be able to meet people who are different from themselves for romantic relationships is what I did not agree with. As I wrote, I am all for that when it comes to choosing friends, colleagues, acquaintances, etc and I am all for people choosing whoever they want to choose to be with whatever the background - similar or different. But it doesn't make me any less "open" or tolerant of differences just because when it comes to choosing a life partner (as opposed to friends) I want someone with a compatible background or values - and for me that means religion and higher education. I am an extremely tolerant person to all differences - for one thing I have volunteered for the last 5 years in a homeless shelter, work with people with mental illnesses, have mentored inner city high school children, etc. My friends come from all types of backgrounds but that's not why I choose them - I choose them because we click on some level - I don't care where they're from and I have no agenda. Frankly, just because someone dates someone from a different background doesn't make them tolerant to differences - it could be that or it could be they just met someone who happened to turn them on and happened to come from a different background. On the other hand, someone like me who spends time volunteering with and helping people from entirely different backgrounds than mine so I can help - that shows tolerance to differences because it is not done out of any form of self interest (i.e. feeling attraction, wanting a romantic relationship) but rather simply out of a desire to help and to give charity and to do good deeds and small and larger kindnesses. And, no I don't go around talking about what i do except when I am accused of being intolerant (and that never happens) - I do what I do quietly without expecting anything in return (although I get heaps in return - gratitude, appreciation, etc - it's a darn good feeling, you should try it sometime if you haven't) I for one wouldn't want someone to be with me who wanted to prove he was "tolerant of differences" or some similar agenda - I would want him to be with me because he liked me as an individual, period. And - nothing to do with "social circle" - those were your words, not mine - (I don't have a social circle) - - everything to do with compatible values. My guess is you are going to continue to twist my words and use words I didn't use to make some point - not sure what your point is. If you are implying that I am some sort of snob or narrow minded, go right ahead - I know I am not and that I am respected by my friends and in my community for being quite the opposite because of how much I give and what I do for so many. And that to me is far more important to diversity and being tolerant of differences than who you choose to be in a romantic relationship with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 I think it's fine to suggest dating people who come from different backgrounds - but to suggest that "if" people would be more "genuine" or "open" or however she put it they would be able to meet people who are different from themselves for romantic relationships is what I did not agree with. How can you be all for it, if you don't agree to being open to it? That's rather confusing. You chide someone for expressing what worked for them and then tell exactly what worked for you, how are you being any different? What worked for you obviously hasn't worked for her and it may very well not work for many other people, but she offered another view point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 How can you be all for it, if you don't agree to being open to it? That's rather confusing. You chide someone for expressing what worked for them and then tell exactly what worked for you, how are you being any different? What worked for you obviously hasn't worked for her and it may very well not work for many other people, but she offered another view point. My issue (once again) was not that she offered her opinion on what worked for her but that she suggested that we all try her approach because we should all be more open or genuine. I take issue with her opinion that dating someone of a different background necesarily makes you more open or genuine or that a person who lacks a formal education presumably is more "genuine" or as she put it "a real man." On the other hand I would never suggest that someone seek out only people of the same religion (as I do) or who have a formal education (as I do) - just because it works for me doesn't mean it will work for anyone else and certainly doesn't make me a better person (as she suggests she is a better person for dating someone from a different background). Nor do I think people with a formal education are more open, genuine or superior in any way just based on their level of education. I can be supportive of issues and situations even if I am not for it on my own - such as - gay marriage (I am straight), abortion (I am pro-choice but I probably would not have an abortion other than in very rare and emergency circumstances), adopting a child with special needs (totally supportive, probably wouldn't be for me) etc. I am supportive of people dating who they want to date including people of different religions, backgrounds, colors, sizes, shapes, you name it. On a personal level I date (and would marry) only within my religion and have a strong preference to date (and marry) someone with a comparable level of education to mine. What is confusing is your continuing comments and in particular your surprise at someone being open to others doing something that you yourself are not going to partake in - straight people then could not possibly be open to gay rights according to your theory. Now that is confusing! Nice chatting with you - I think we've exhausted the topic - in my humble opinion - I don't need to be "right" but I just wanted to make sure that my words weren't being twisted or misinterpreted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 I take issue with her opinion that dating someone of a different background necesarily makes you more open or genuine ... Actually it would make you more open, because one isn't discriminating against someone before one has even dated them. If you choose to only date educated men, for what ever reason, that is not being open to the possibility that there are just as good of men that never went to college. What is confusing is your continuing comments and in particular your surprise at someone being open to others doing something that you yourself are not going to partake in - straight people then could not possibly be open to gay rights according to your theory. Now that is confusing! It wouldn't be a theory, it would be a hypothesis. Don't confuse the two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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