TheRedQueen Posted October 28, 2006 Author Share Posted October 28, 2006 I would date an average looking smart women over a hot dumb women any day of the week. Well I guess you're an exception to the rule then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocio Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 Well I guess you're an exception to the rule then. That cracked me up, but do you really believe that? I think there is some place in between. I mean, this is the same guy who wrote "As a guy, if a women is intelligent but out of shape, I'm not going to be attracted to her. She might assume it is due to her intelligence...". So I guess he meant average looking, but still in good shape. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheRedQueen Posted October 28, 2006 Author Share Posted October 28, 2006 I mean, this is the same guy who wrote "As a guy, if a women is intelligent but out of shape, I'm not going to be attracted to her. She might assume it is due to her intelligence...". So I guess he meant average looking, but still in good shape. Interesting point, perhaps he isn't so much of an exception then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuietWolf Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 Interesting point, perhaps he isn't so much of an exception then. Yeah, I expect somebody to be in shape... doesn't mean the same thing as a beauty queen. I went on a date with a women that I knew from work that had dogs, so I thought she must be in good shape from walking them all the time. I took them on a hike... all three of them (her and her 2 dogs) were pooped after 1 mile... and this hike is for beginners... well she was pooped, I think the dogs just didn't know what was going on... I don't think they had been out in the woods before. I also found out later she had a dog walker that walked them for her most of the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheRedQueen Posted October 28, 2006 Author Share Posted October 28, 2006 I have a concession to make... I've come to realize that eventhough I may be a highly intelligent and attractive female, I am still an absolute moron-idiot-retard, blind and baffled retarded moron idiot when it comes to men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheRedQueen Posted October 28, 2006 Author Share Posted October 28, 2006 ^ that felt good, really good, to type that out loud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salucious Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 You aren't the first to admit that they can't figure out the opposite sex, and you won't be the last Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 I have a concession to make... I've come to realize that eventhough I may be a highly intelligent and attractive female, I am still an absolute moron-idiot-retard, blind and baffled retarded moron idiot when it comes to men. I think that's because of the flawed assumption that you can understand "men" as a group - or should even try. Why not look at them and treat them as individuals as much as possible? I say this even though I subscribe to "the rules" - so yes I generalize to the extent that I believe that "most" men who are available (emotionally and otherwise) and interested in a woman will ask her out on a proper date even if he is shy. Beyond that, as far as whether "men" like intelligence in "women" there is nothing productive to be gained from thinking about it from that perspective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Why not look at them and treat them as individuals as much as possible? Now THAT is an intelligent comment. That is a comment that actually DISPLAYS intelligence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss M Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Why not look at them and treat them as individuals as much as possible? Now THAT is an intelligent comment. That is a comment that actually DISPLAYS intelligence. Although I'm also an advocate of treating men as individuals, I don't find that solves the problem. In fact treating men as individuals is exactly what I'd done all my life. But I only discovered that there are a bunch of "individual" men who are intimidated by an intelligent woman. So be aware that if you're an intelligent women, treating men as individuals doesn't magically make them all regard you the way you really are. You also have to also trust yourself and your own self-regard. And to put this in perspective, I was 46 years old before a brilliantly intelligent guy (who was thoroughly delighted by my intelligence) told me that those "other" guys I described to him were intimidated by me. I really hadn't had a clue (partly because I've never really considered myself "intelligent" even though I was repeatedly told I was). I just didn't feel intelligent at all because of some unfortunate childhood brainwashing. I really always felt like an idiot. But when this friend convincingly (and with great difficulty) pointed out that I was indeed intelligent, years of confusion finally made sense. Too bad for me that I was dumb that way, thinking those other "intimidated" guys were really telling the truth when they accused me of being arrogant, uppity, a know-it-all, opinionated and argumentative. I just wish someone had clued me in much earlier. The bottom line... Sure, treat men as individuals, but just remember that some of those individuals are intimidated. And if you're a very intelligent women with low self-esteem, beware of what intimidated men tell you about yourself. Of course, when you have low self-esteem it can be quite difficult to know what's true and what's not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Bear Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 if you're a very intelligent women with low self-esteem, beware of what intimidated men tell you about yourself. highlighted, and may i add that even the passive failure to acknowledge a woman's intellect can sometimes be damaging to her psyche. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Although I'm also an advocate of treating men as individuals, I don't find that solves the problem. In fact treating men as individuals is exactly what I'd done all my life. But I only discovered that there are a bunch of "individual" men who are intimidated by an intelligent woman. So be aware that if you're an intelligent women, treating men as individuals doesn't magically make them all regard you the way you really are. You also have to also trust yourself and your own self-regard. ... By far one of the best things I've read. I agree with you so much. I've heard so many men say "I like smart women", but when actually confronted with a intelligent, straight forward woman, they buckle and start saying she's unlady-like, know-it-all, and what not. A direct contradiction and frustrating for the woman. Most of the women I know are highly intelligent, one thing I've noticed about their boyfriends, they are all equally intelligent and open people. They don't try to dominate or change them, they appreciate the woman for who she is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 treating men as individuals doesn't magically make them all regard you the way you really are. Of course it doesn't. But if you go into any male/female interaction with a preconcieved notion that the male will be intimidated by your intelligence, then to a certain extent you will find things coming out of that interaction that will be concept fulfilling. Go into any reaction, regardless of gender, looking at the person as an individual, not an individual with baggage, and your relationships and communications will improve dramatically. I'm not saying take the filter off completely, but in this case this is one of the stupider filters to apply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Just like beauty, intelligence is in the eye of the beholder. So is the attitude that people display. I might find Ms D. both intelligent and personable but someone else might find her intellect and personality wanting for some reason and a third person might find her intelligent but arrogant. Two other points to consider: there are many women who interact badly with intelligent women and also many men who interact badly with intelligent men. It is not always the gender difference that is the main factor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New_Horizons Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 By far one of the best things I've read. I agree with you so much. I've heard so many men say "I like smart women", but when actually confronted with a intelligent, straight forward woman, they buckle and start saying she's unlady-like, know-it-all, and what not....one thing I've noticed about their boyfriends, they are all equally intelligent and open people. They don't try to dominate or change them, they appreciate the woman for who she is. So we're really talking about two types of men here. Men who are turned on by intelligence and men who are scared off by it. So it's good if the woman waits for a while before judging which category a guy falls into. You cannot tell by the first impression. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 So we're really talking about two types of men here. Men who are turned on by intelligence and men who are scared off by it. So it's good if the woman waits for a while before judging which category a guy falls into. You cannot tell by the first impression. You forget there's also the category of men that say they like smart women, but when a real honest to goodness, disagrees with you, doesn't bat her eyes, has sound opinions and her own ideas woman comes along, the guy turns into the main voice calling her stuck-up or argumentative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss M Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 But if you go into any male/female interaction with a preconcieved notion that the male will be intimidated by your intelligence, then to a certain extent you will find things coming out of that interaction that will be concept fulfilling. I understand what you're saying about preconceived notions being self-fulfilling, but if you think I've been suggesting that an intelligent woman should approach a guy with the preconceived notion that he will be intimidated by her, then you've misunderstood me. Go into any reaction, regardless of gender, looking at the person as an individual, not an individual with baggage, and your relationships and communications will improve dramatically. But I totally disagree with this, because I think it would be a HUGE mistake to disregard "baggage." (I've done that too, and it's definitely not something I'd recommend. And as far as looking at people individually, I haven't met many people who do that more than I do. In fact, I think that's often been one of my biggest downfalls. I'm not saying take the filter off completely, but in this case this is one of the stupider filters to apply. I think what is deemed the "stupider filter" just depends on one's perspective. For instance, I think I was using a MUCH stupider filter when I thought guys who criticized me were telling me the truth when they were really just feeling intimidated by me. And I also think it's a much stupider filter to do as some posters here, assuming that the guy's feeling of intimidation is automatically the woman's error. And I even think it's a stupider filter to believe that a woman who notices a pattern of intimidated men is viewing them through a stupider filter. Ya see, it just depends on the point of view from which you're viewing this, and we obviously all have different points of view. Depending on the angle, one person's "stupider filter" is just another person's pristine clarity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 But I totally disagree with this, because I think it would be a HUGE mistake to disregard "baggage That's twice I have been caught out with the word "baggage". I think it may have different connotations here. I don't mean disregard his personal baggage, I mean disregard the general baggage some people attach to his gender. I mean don't automatically have your guard up that thisguy that you meet is going to tick all the stereotypical male boxes. I think what is deemed the "stupider filter" just depends on one's perspective No I am talking at a much higher level that this. Filters you should keep up are is he dangerous, is he being hnest with me, is he potentially abusive, etc. These things you should take into any initial interaction and apply generally to men you meet. "Is he going to be intimidated by my intelligence" to me is not a filter you necessarily need up there at this point, so initially, assume he is not and you may be surprised. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 "Is he going to be intimidated by my intelligence" to me is not a filter you necessarily need up there at this point, so initially, assume he is not and you may be surprised. I disagree to an extent. Its a nice surprise when you find a guy that truly appreciates a women with intelligence that isn't afraid to show it, but its a very, very nasty surprise when you run into those men who can't handle it. The cost/benefit of not being guarded differs for each person, but I personally would rather be pleasantly surprised than not so pleasantly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocker2084 Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 im not at all, i think a smart girl is a hell of alot more interesting than one that isnt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss M Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 No I am talking at a much higher level that this. Filters you should keep up are is he dangerous, is he being hnest with me, is he potentially abusive, etc. These things you should take into any initial interaction and apply generally to men you meet. "Is he going to be intimidated by my intelligence" to me is not a filter you necessarily need up there at this point, so initially, assume he is not and you may be surprised. I never intended to claim that any woman should put up that particular type of filter. And I can easily imagine that a woman can contemplate and discuss these issues without also assuming that she's trying to put that kind of "filter" on ALL men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day_Walker Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 I believe there is a difference between appreciating intelligent women and dating them. There are many women who I know that are intelligent and initially I was attracted to their intelligence but once I got to know them better, I did not care for either of their actions or their personalities. They remain acquaintances but there is no romantic interest on my part. I will be the first one to say that intelligence is attractive, its sad that some girls feel the need to hide it but intelligence like any other positive quality does not get a free pass, other aspects of their personality or their actions still have to be up to par. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 I believe there is a difference between appreciating intelligent women and dating them. There are many women who I know that are intelligent and initially I was attracted to their intelligence but once I got to know them better, I did not care for either of their actions or their personalities. They remain acquaintances but there is no romantic interest on my part. I will be the first one to say that intelligence is attractive, its sad that some girls feel the need to hide it but intelligence like any other positive quality does not get a free pass, other aspects of their personality or their actions still have to be up to par. i would agree with this. I feel the same way about intelligent men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain34 Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 RedQueen, Wow I am disappointed in your doubts here! I should be honest and tell you that IMO you are an intelligent woman. I can see this through your posts, many of which have been feedback in my threads (thanks again). Not only was your insight helpful, but I must admit it made me wonder what the RedQueen is actually like. The profile photos didn't hurt either Any man who is not attracted to intelligence in women is simply insecure. I hope you did not create this thread because something along these lines recently happened to you...any guy who isn't enthralled by a bright woman isn't worth your time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charley Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 It's fun to play a board game like checkers, or chess with a smart woman. Then if she wins, I'm impressed. If I win, then that's fun too. I'm good at checkers, but it's most fun to say to her just prior to playing that I'm not very good, but it'd be fun to play. Then come out of left field and clean up the board, if possible. If she wins, that's good fun too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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