Why are Men Intimidated by Intelligent Women?

[CarnelianButterfly]

I don't agree that intelligent people have any basis to justify being "stuck up." While I am not a fan of playing "dumb" I do think that people should use words/vocabulary that are accessible given the surroundings - definitely not in a talking down way (!) but rather with a goal of establishing rapport. No, I am not going to speak in "slang' or curse just because others are doing that around me but I believe in speaking in a concise and understandable way - a one dollar word instead of a ten dollar word even if I "know" the ten dollar word.

But in actuality those ten dollar words are more concise then breaking it down into the feelings or ideas that it expresses. Large vocabularies are great tools for better expression, if you are eloquent then you can make a more precise use of our language and convey your point without fluff and make more impact with less waste.

[CaptainPlanet]

Intelligent ones aren't.

[Batya33]

But in actuality those ten dollar words are more concise then breaking it down into the feelings or ideas that it expresses. Large vocabularies are great tools for better expression, if you are eloquent then you can make a more precise use of our language and convey your point without fluff and make more impact with less waste.

 

That can be true at times, but I often silently say the much simpler term to myself when I hear the multisyllabic one - because it sounds like the speaker is "trying" to sound bright. I am a lover of language and how words sound but I try to speak to people in a way in which they will understand, not in a way that will showcase the extent of my vocabulary (unless I am with my bf or certian friends and we are bantering/having fun with words).

[Brawnee]

It's simple, really:

 

Intelligent woman = attractive

know-it-all woman = unattractive

 

A woman that can converse and hold her own = attractive

A monopolizer of the conversation = unattractive

 

A woman that asks questions = attractive

A woman that pretends that she knows = not attractive

 

A woman that can admit her faults = attractive

A woman that thinks she's perfect = not attractive

 

A woman that is an eclectic reader = attractive

A romance novel fiend/ tabloid fiend = not attractive

 

ETC

[Miss M]

It's simple, really

Actually, it's not at all that simple. Sometimes the guy who is assessing the intelligent woman is just insecure and confused, so "he" could say/think/imagine she is being something she really isn't. Really, it happens all the time.

[rocio]

I think it's great to be able to say, "Hey, I'm a bloody genius, and I'm not afriad to show it!" if the confidence is real and comes from inside.

 

It's only once you start trying to prove yourself because you are actually insecure inside that you start coming accross as stuck-up or arrogant.

 

The big words example: If you have a large vocabulary that comes naturally and allows you to express yourself in an elequoent manner, that's great. But you don't have to try to impress people with big words that sound clumsy, or with words that your audience won't understand.

[DN]

"short words are best and the old words when short are best of all."

Sir Winston Churchill. (Recipient of the Nobel Prize for Literature).

[Daddy Bear]

personally, i love learning new words and i like sharing them with people. some appreciate that; some don't. c'est la vie.

 

on the other hand, my four decades of interaction with various folk have immersed me in several dialects including street slang and Spanglish, and i automatically shift into whichever is the best fit for the audience of the moment without giving it a thought. "When in Rome," right?

 

"short words are best and the old words when short are best of all."

Sir Winston Churchill. (Recipient of the Nobel Prize for Literature).

 

Churchill was an undisputed master of a good pithy quote, but i'm sure he understood that short words are more apt to carry multiple nuances and often convey meanings less precise than those of the 'ten-dollar' ones.

 

as a matter of fact, in his electrifying "fight on the beaches" speech before the House of Commons on June 4, 1940, Winnie spoke the following words:

 

effectually

stringency

malignancy

reconstitute

incomparably

stratagem

odious

subjugated

 

and words of ten or more letters appear in the nineteen-paragraph speech well over fifty times.

 

recommended reading: The Logophile's Orgy, containing contributions by word-loving notables ranging from Ray Bradbury and Arthur C. Clarke to Desmond Tutu and Yo-Yo Ma to Mark Hamill and Joan Rivers.

 

Gloria Steinem's favorite word, incidentally: "empathy".

 

i like that one, too.

[DN]

effectually

stringency

malignancy

reconstitute

incomparably

stratagem

odious

subjugated

 

which illustrates a difficulty in dealing with this whole subject of intelligence. Most people listening to that speech in the House of Commons would not have considered any of those words incomprehensible.

 

What is a 'big' word to one person is normal and usual to another. Same with intelligence - it can be hard for people to know when they are appearing 'know it all' to people who don't know as much.

[TheRedQueen]

Mind you, I - being a 'GEMINI' and have a lot of CHINAMAN in me - I tend to lean towards erotic thing, etc.

 

You want me to tackle you?

 

I wrote an exam today and the girl sitting next to me was using a calculator for simple math problems. I wanted to smack her in the face

*Drooling with disbelief*

[AwdreeHpburn]

OK - I totally love words too. It's my thing. I'm a writer. AND I am an advocate for brevity - although I rarely practice it myself....

 

But English is a very intriguing topic of discussion to me BECAUSE of what I think SB was saying...

 

Verbal communication is fascinating whether written or spoken. I love it. I feel like I'm on a constant quest to be the most percise in my conveyance of whatever I'm saying, but that grail is ever elusive.

 

Chinese is another fascinating language because they have so much emphasis on their tone rather than the word itself.

 

As for the intelligence thing - I dunno. I know nothing. I don't care who's smarter or perceived to be smarter or is actually smarter. I'm only as smart as I am. If that is because of my gender, well...there's nothing I can do about that. OK - there is, but I doubt surgerically putting on the appropriate genitalia now would make a difference.

 

Ok - there's my piece.

 

Thanks for listening!

 

-T

[TheRedQueen]

Agreed. But I also feel like a lot of intelligent women are a little too outspoken. I mean, you can't be too pushy. For example, I have a cousin who always had trouble finding boyfriends because she was so outspoken. She's a great, smart girl and she has a husband now. But she is sooooo pushy. I mean, he can't even drive without her picking on him, and criticizing which road he took. He's not even allowed to have a single thought of his own. So, for men or women, it's great to have opinions, but it's also nice to be gentle about it and let other people have opinions too, ya know?

Being pushy and being outspoken are two entirely different things. I am rarely, if ever pushy, as I tend to be more of a push-over. I am however, quite outspoken, I'm not very talkative per se but when I feel the need to speak out, I speak out.

[AwdreeHpburn]

RQ - I'm totally intimidated by intelligent (and or successful) women. Actually more so than any body else. I hate that. But I AM a woman....

[Day_Walker]

I welcome intellectual stimulation from the female gender, it is safe to say that most men do not appreciate intelligence in women and im sure some women do play it down in order to keep a guy interested. I encourage and make efforts to be around intellectual and strong willed, opinionated women.

I also realize that there are other facets to a person besides their intelligence and the fact that women are still emotional creatures. I believe you can separate the two but I still like to make light of the fact that she is intelligent/logical and still does things that dont seem to be consistant with that.

[Batya33]

I welcome intellectual stimulation from the female gender, it is safe to say that most men do not appreciate intelligence in women and im sure some women do play it down in order to keep a guy interested. I encourage and make efforts to be around intellectual and strong willed, opinionated women.

I also realize that there are other facets to a person besides their intelligence and the fact that women are still emotional creatures. I believe you can separate the two but I still like to make light of the fact that she is intelligent/logical and still does things that dont seem to be consistant with that.

 

Most of the men I have dated - and I have dated many men - prefer highly intelligent women.

[Daddy Bear]

let me tie this all up in a nice, neat bow with small words. i am glad to be called a know-it-all. it means that i fight dumb thoughts when i hear them and try to raise all folks up to be as smart as they can be. smart girls are not scared off by this, nor am i scared by them. dot.

[rocio]

let me tie this all up in a nice, neat bow with small words. i am glad to be called a know-it-all. it means that i fight dumb thoughts when i hear them and try to raise all folks up to be as smart as they can be. smart girls are not scared off by this, nor am i scared by them. dot.

 

I don't get it.

[AwdreeHpburn]

let me tie this all up in a nice, neat bow with small words. i am glad to be called a know-it-all. it means that i fight dumb thoughts when i hear them and try to raise all folks up to be as smart as they can be. smart girls are not scared off by this, nor am i scared by them. dot.

 

wait....what? I didn't really get this? Are you trying to say you're a fighting know-it-all who ties bows?

[Batya33]

let me tie this all up in a nice, neat bow with small words. i am glad to be called a know-it-all. it means that i fight dumb thoughts when i hear them and try to raise all folks up to be as smart as they can be. smart girls are not scared off by this, nor am i scared by them. dot.

 

Just means that you believe it's better to be right than to be close. I believe it is better to be close than to be right in the context of making a relationship work.

[AwdreeHpburn]

, nor am i scared by them. /QUOTE]

 

Be afriad SB - be very afraid...........

[Daddy Bear]

Just means that you believe it's better to be right than to be close. I believe it is better to be close than to be right in the context of making a relationship work.

i agree... to a point. i'm not beneath, say, quietly letting a woman win a Scrabble game with a word which is supposed to be hyphenated.

 

on the other hand, if she tries to tell me that San Francisco has a better baseball organization than Los Angeles... the gloves are off and the fur is gonna fly!

[Daddy Bear]

Be afraid SB - be very afraid...........

oh yeah... i forgot about YOU.

[Batya33]

i agree... to a point. i'm not beneath, say, quietly letting a woman win a Scrabble game with a word which is supposed to be hyphenated.

 

on the other hand, if she tries to tell me that San Francisco has a better baseball organization than Los Angeles... the gloves are off and the fur is gonna fly!

 

LOL - not what I meant at all but very cute. I meant that during an argument sometimes it is better to give in (choose your battles, etc) then to stubbornly insist you are "right" at the expense of being "close."

[QuietWolf]

Much to my dismay, I have found that men are not only not attracted to, but that they're actually repelled by intelligent and knowledgable women who refuse to hide this fact, (trust me you would be amazed at how many women, who are either too shy or insecure, go to great lengths to try to conceal this from men) and who aren't afraid to speak up in a conversation or friendly debate when they've got valid points or differing opinions.

I'm curious how you know for sure it is the intelligence that repells them?

 

As a guy, if a women is intelligent but out of shape, I'm not going to be attracted to her. She might assume it is due to her intelligence...

 

Also, what kind of intelligence? I dated a women who had a PhD in pharmacology and played french horn for the local symphony... she knew A LOT about those two things... but she didn't know anything about popular music, she didn't know anything about politics (had never heard of the ACLU???), she had really led a very sheltered life. She had a serious attitude that she was better than most other people because she had this PhD... after a while I could not stand her attitude about her measure of her intelligence.

 

Personally, I like people that are confident enough about their intelligence that they don't feel the need to prove it to everybody. If somebody is always trying to win an argument or show how smart they are, that is a red flag to me. The turn-off isn't their intelligence, it is their personality.

 

All that said, I tend to find educated and well spoken women attractive. I would date an average looking smart women over a hot dumb women any day of the week.

[Daddy Bear]

LOL - not what I meant at all but very cute. I meant that during an argument sometimes it is better to give in (choose your battles, etc) then to stubbornly insist you are "right" at the expense of being "close."

i knew exactly what you meant. my response was constructed to illustrate the fact that i'm willing to let some arguments go but not others... just like you and everyone else.