Timing was not right?

[blueberrypie]

I recently broke up with my ex for the third time. Yes, third time. First two times happened after a month and two months after we began to date. We got back together after two weeks and were together for another seven months.

He is turning to 22 and I am 27. He just graduated from college and I just finished my third year in a grad school. We enjoyed our time together, but we couldn't keep doing it because he's going to China for 6 months in two weeks. He had been against long-distance relationship, so we sort of assumed that we are gonna breakup when he goes to China. But since one month ago he kept talking about how great our relationship was and how much he wants to keep the relationship even when he goes to China. I really liked him and was willing to have a long-distance relationship so I agreed. That lasts for 3 weeks. Last week all of a sudden, after one great evening, he told me that he didn't want to come back after China. It was so abrupt that I couldn't accept it. I couldn't think that as real. We talked and decided to talk about it more. Next day he talked to his parents about our situation and during the conversation he realized that he didn't not want to come back, he didn't want to promise that he will come back for sure. He probably wants to come back after China, but he's not sure and he doesn't want me to be restrained because of him. Yes, it sounds like a very lame excuse. I would have said that I shouldn't hope anything will happen later if it was anyone else's situation. But, you know, it's hard to accept the end when there is even a little bit of hope if it's your business. =(

 

We spent literally all the time together(even when we are sleeping), so I really miss a person to spend time with. The morning right after I wake up is the hardest. I sort of forget that we are not together any more and realize that he's not here any more to hold me and says he loves me and wants to stay in the bed as long as we can just holding each other.

 

I live alone which makes it hard to have a non-lonely morning time. He went back his home with his family, so he wouldn't have time to miss me. Every now and then I really miss talking to him and think about calling him. But he would be with either his family or his high school friends and will feel pity for me. I don't want him to feel pity for me. I want him to miss me in a good way. But it's his mind. I cannot make him feel what I want him to feel. But I can prevent him from thinking I'm desperate.

But when we broke up, since we like each other and it's just a situation which makes us apart( he didn't even want to use a word 'breakup' because it sounds like we stop dating because we stop loving each other.), we decided to remain as friends. But did he really mean it? Did he really love me and wanted to be with me but had to be apart from me because he doesn't want me to be restrained to him, or it was just an excure to make him look nice(or rather, less bad)?

When people love other person, do they really want their happiness so that they can let go of that person so that the other person can be happy hoping that they can get together when the timing is right? Or blaming timing is just a nice way of saying that "I'm not that into you". If it's just "I'm not that into you", why did he keep saying that he was ready to commit the previous 3 weeks when I didn't expect it? Can a person actually change his mind from 'ready-to-commit' to 'wanna-break-up' without any major problem?

[jchan]

Love knows no boundaries. Timing shouldn't be an issue if love exists between the two.

 

3 weeks ago he said that he was ready to commit, now you're both broken up. It may have been possible that before that he's lost feelings for you. Who knows. But right now what you can do is focus on YOU. Don't think of him.

[blueberrypie]

Thanks for the reply, jchan.

 

I know I should focus on me if I'm gonna let him go.

But when we broke up he said that he wanted to leave the possilibity of getting back together when he comes back from China.

He is the guy I wanted to marry and still do. I probably didn't want to move on and then get back together then. So I wanted to linger on what he said and tried to hope and wait that he will actually come back.

I was going to say that I just want to wait for him if I figure out that he will come back eventually. But as I was writing, I realized that it doesn't matter. The possibility that he 'may' come back to me shouldn't make me wait for him. I can still move on. I may meet someone else who not just loves me but also can commit, or I don't meet anyone and he comes back and we get back together. But even if we are going to be together eventually it's still better for me to move on.

I just don't know how to spend time without him, I guess. Any suggestion?

[Pixiemeat]

Move on for someone who can give you the time, love and commitment you deserve.

 

I just do not understand those who break up because they are 'busy' or have 'no time' (and I was just dumped by someone who left me for that same reason!). Why enter a relationship and then say 'this isn't going to be long term because I'm going abroad' - how optimistic is that?! Why choose to enter a relationship if that's your mindset? You're basically setting yourself up for a fall.

 

I'd see what else is out there, if he doesn't want to commit but expecting you to hang around then I'd forget it. Being single means you're free to meet someone else, someone better.

[jchan]

Same here, i was dumped on the whole "our timing isn't right" well it turned out that she was interested in someone else. As soon as the break up finished, she went to him, and they're pretty much together now. So first things first, never give yourself expectations, you'll end up being very disappointed.

 

It's very true, you're a free person, move on. Be happy. You can move on by meeting new people, when you go dating new people you learn more about yourself (just make sure you're not rebounding, it's unfair to the person).

[blueberrypie]

Three weeks have been passed and the pain has subsided.

I tried so hard not to think about him that I cannot even remember his face.

I think I'm moving on. But when is a good time to begin to date again? I don't want to have a 'rebound'. When do you think is safe to date, not to 'rebound?'