Life Is Pissing Me Off!!!!!!!!!!!

[teacup]

wahh. i am in the worst mood ever. do you know why? because my friend is graduating from a top school with her master's and she is going to go work at a high-end fashion company.

 

omg, that has always been my dream. i am dying inside. i mean, she is the sweetest friend. but I WANT A BETTER LIFE. and i have been soooooooo sidetracked and behind because of the stupid abusive "relationship". i dont even want to call it a relationship because it was mostly him beating me down, and me trying to make him happy. and it was like that for 6+ years. HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID? i should just get a marker and write dummy on my forehead.

 

ARGH!!!!!! it drives me crazy. im a person with so many goals, i love living, i love life and having friends and doing different things and NOW everyone's ahead of me. im so so behind and still trying to make up for a lot of the stuff that happened to me. i dont want to begrudge them their happiness, BUT I WANT TO BE THERE TOO. u know what i mean??

 

and i just tried to take a midterm online and the window didn't work and now im waiting for the professor to reply back to me but i am freaking out. IM SO UPSET!!!!!

[ElektraHere]

Quit thinking of what you dont have and start working for what you want. Have you ever heard of what you put out is what you get back? Its an old saying about the certain vibe you put out. Don't be jealous of your friend I am sure she worked really hard for what she has.

Also you need to stop blaming everything on the relationship. Yes its horrible and yes it set you back but you need to move forward from that and stop using it as a crutch. Some of us out here have had abusive relationships and you can only blame them for so much. Now its time to take the responsiblity and work hard and diligent for those things you want.

[melrich]

Yes Teacup, that abusive relationship ended nearly 20 months ago now. It really is time you stopped using it as a crutch. We all understand that you have some unresolved issues but it really is time now to start looking forward, not backwards.

 

You need to focus now on what you want. Not what others have. Not on a relationship that ended a long time ago, but on the life you want for yourself.

 

Then go out and get it.

[renaissancewoman101]

Hey teacup, I know how you feel. I am really pissed off right now at life. I just got off the phone with my best friend and had a screaming match with him about why the hell he decided to stand me up tonight about coming to visit. Him and his buttbrain bf said they were going to stop by and we were all going to go out for a late dinner, so I drove back down to San Diego this afternoon. He just called and said bf changed his mind. That pissed me off and I went off on him and screamed at him and we had nasty fight.

 

Yesterday I saw my brother's new house for the first time and I am extremely jealous of him too. He is five years younger than me, has his life a lot more together than me, has a house, a lot of neat furniture, appliances and electronics and is doing quite well.

 

I know how you feel, compared to my brother I feel like a failure. In regards to my best friend, I feel very stood up and crap like that.

 

I hate life

[ElektraHere]

Comparing what you have to what others have is a no win situation. Dont you think that those people look at you with that same thought? Be it that you have your freedom, you speak your mind, whatever. The grass is not always greener. You have to go out and make it happen because it won't come a knockin on your door.

[teacup]

crutch? who's crutching here? im in school and i work and i go to therapy and im trying to get it together. but there is no way i can make up for that lost time. i am so behind. WAHHH i am so sad.

 

stuffing myself with oreos. it helps. i cant complain with my mouth full.

[melrich]

wahh. i am in the worst mood ever. do you know why? because my friend is graduating from a top school with her master's and she is going to go work at a high-end fashion company.

 

omg, that has always been my dream. i am dying inside. i mean, she is the sweetest friend.

 

ARGH!!!!!! it drives me crazy. im a person with so many goals, i love living, i love life and having friends and doing different things and NOW everyone's ahead of me. i dont want to begrudge them their happiness, BUT I WANT TO BE THERE TOO. u know what i mean??

 

and i just tried to take a midterm online and the window didn't work and now im waiting for the professor to reply back to me but i am freaking out. IM SO UPSET!!!!!

 

If you posted that it would not be "crutching". My definition of using an event as a crutch is linking every other event or issue in your life to it. I understand you may not see it this way and it is only my opinion but I ma yet to see a thread you have started that was not put in the context of the abusive relationship you had.

 

Again that's understandable. I just think it might be time to leave it behind and stop defining your life by it.

[ElektraHere]

I agree with Melrich.

[teacup]

well, it IS why i lost time. and why i dropped out of school. and why i fought with my parents. and why i didnt have enough job experience. and why i lost all my friends. and why i had to restart all over.

 

sigh....if not, i would be at a better place by now. so sad. so hard to watch all my friends graduate with masters and get high paying jobs and travel and everything. so so sad.

 

it is the reason why i am at this point right now. otherwise i wouldnt be. so how am i supposed to say otherwise?

[ElektraHere]

Quit blaming it all on that. Take some responsibility. Now your not in that place and thats good.

 

Your 24 your not 84. You still have plenty of time. You just have to put all that behind you and quit excusing all of what you dont have on it.

[melrich]

well, it IS why i lost time. and why i dropped out of school. and why i fought with my parents. and why i didnt have enough job experience. and why i lost all my friends. and why i had to restart all over.

 

It may be Teacup but that does not mean you have to continue to define everything by it.

 

I'll give you a personal example. My marriage ended when I was 29. I lost many friends, my house and 70% of everything I was worth (and I can tell you that was quite a bit at the time). It basically put me back financially to where I was when I was 22. I still have not fully recovered. And I suppose I could continue use it as a reason I don't have the financial base my friends have. But I don't because that sort of thinking keeps you mired in the past. It gives you an excuse for every thing you do. It gives you a way to accept failure.

 

The best thing I ever did was draw a line and say that is something that happened, I can't do anything about the past, I can only control the present.

[teacup]

why is that the best thing u ever did?

 

i know eventually i will have to find a way to redefine my life. i dont want to be the girl that walks around complaining about abuse. but it robbed me of a big chunk of my life, and it makes me so bitter. i threw away my life for someone who didnt even give a damn about me and now i have to recover from all of it. gah. i was so blind. and foolish.

 

my friend is a sweet girl. she comes from a rich family too. she's still a sweet person though. but it's hard to watch someone achieve dreams that you want. *sniff*

 

i have the brains, the social skills, the motivation but how i am going to find my way back to where i was before? *wahh*

 

i have fallen so low.

[melrich]

why is that the best thing u ever did?

 

Because it allowed me to move on, to compartmentalise something over which I no longer had control. Can you imagine the shock of suddenly losing most of what you had spent 10 years acquiring? You could wallow in that misery for the rest of your life. I didn't want to do that.

[teacup]

i can't imagine wanting to get married. lord alive, i would rather eat rats.

 

yes, i get ur point. so...what did you have to do to repick urself up? and how far have u gotten?

[melrich]

but it robbed me of a big chunk of my life

 

It's still robbing you of a big chunk of you life. That guy, he still has power over you because you still allow him to. It is about making a conscious decision. I have an exercise for you to try. How about for the next month you do not mention this relationship on here again? It would be interesting to see how the perspective of your posts may change and it may assist you to look at things in a different frame?

[teacup]

alright. what's the prize?

[reaching123]

That may be the case, but you are still young. There are some people who are a lot older and just starting. I know how you are feeling though. I was in a relationship for 5 years where i was talked down too, always tried to make him happy, but was never recognized for it and i stopped hanging out with my friends. Since we have broken up i am in a 4 year university working towards my bachelors degree. It took me 4 years to get my tranfer degree, but i did it. Sometimes i feel really far behind, but then i have to look at the good and say, i am doing it! I can make it on my own and do it. I may be behind but it is better than not even starting. So i hope that you can let your bad relationship go because dwelling on it will only make you feel more depressed. Look at where you are, and don't compare yourself with your friends. They have been through different experiences than you. Sometimes it is better to start school a little later, you are more mature and you have a sense of what you really want in life. Good luck to you.

[melrich]

OK well it won't be easy. Let me give you some context. You have made 789 posts, in 435 of them you have mentioned your abusive relationship.

 

I hope the prize will be that you start to view things with less of the fog of that relationship.

 

I know it was a really bad thing you went through and that this is just an exercise but I'd be interested if you could do it to see whether you see things any differently after a month...or would you prefer to make it a week?

[teacup]

thanks reaching123. it was hard for me though. to go from being a competitive achiever to being a bum like him.

 

my only thoughts now are, no more bad men.

 

melrich, alright. ur on. i could never resist a challenge. the prize is it's own reward right? dammit.

[melrich]

melrich, alright. ur on. i could never resist a challenge. the prize is it's own reward right? dammit.

 

Yep exactly. Which do you want? A week or a month?

[ElektraHere]

The prize is you recapture yourself and achieve things you want in your life. There are people alot older then you who have it rough to but they pick up and make a go of it again.

 

Take the hurricane victims all of what they owned, their jobs, family and friends who died or disappeared. They are moving on because they have to if they dont they will be in a "hurricane" their entire lives be it emotionally, physically, or financially.

 

Use the smarts you say you have and start applying them to your life now.

[teacup]

i want u to mail me a koala. or a kangaroo. or a alligator.

 

 

very well, let's start with a week.

[melrich]

i want u to mail me a koala. or a kangaroo. or a alligator.

 

very well, let's start with a week.

 

LOL...OK done. But you can't just disappear for a week. OK so from now till Monday 5th June current time.

 

PS crocodiles in OZ!!

[teacup]

alright, ur on buster. i want a 9ft. croc with razor sharp teeth for that moat in my backyard. and i aint talkin' no baby croc neither.

 

i want a better career though, a better job. *sigh* i want to be in fashion or film. this bites. i am capable of so much more than where im at right now.

[melrich]

alright, ur on buster. i want a 9ft. croc with razor sharp teeth for that moat in my backyard. and i aint talkin' no baby croc neither.

 

We'll see what can be organised.

 

Cheers