Daddy Bear Posted May 29, 2006 Share Posted May 29, 2006 i dont trust men. i had been through a string of failed relationships like the ones you have often described, i wouldn't trust women either. oh, wait... i have. and yet, i still do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teacup Posted May 29, 2006 Author Share Posted May 29, 2006 watever you are saying doesnt make me like men less. but it does make me like you less. but watever. not in the mood for this. i got bigger fish to fry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Bear Posted May 29, 2006 Share Posted May 29, 2006 then you have missed my point and misunderstood my intentions, as you have done in the past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted May 29, 2006 Share Posted May 29, 2006 i think men would love/like it if a girl just approached them and took initiative. it makes it easy for them, and it doesn't always ruin the girls chances if the guy were interested in the first place. but the guy's not going to VALUE her as much. i think that's human nature. men like to chase. they like to pursue. and i can't imagine that men are still shy to chase at my age! if u give them a merry chase and make it harder......they will value u more cuz it took them a lot of work and they will remember that in the back of their tiny little brains. (tee hee, joke!) I disagree. I have been the one to pursue a man in the past, and have also been pursued myself, and the results have been similar in both cases. When I was in the relationship where I pursued him, I felt valued and was valued. My boyfriend respected me for going after what I wanted. He valued me as a whole person, not just because I pursued him. I think it depends on the guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophie274 Posted May 29, 2006 Share Posted May 29, 2006 I disagree. I have been the one to pursue a man in the past, and have also been pursued myself, and the results have been similar in both cases. When I was in the relationship where I pursued him, I felt valued and was valued. My boyfriend respected me for going after what I wanted. He valued me as a whole person, not just because I pursued him. I think it depends on the guy. I agree with Hope. I asked my current boyfriend out and I'm pretty sure he values me. I think some men - and good ones too - are shy, and need the woman they want to show some interest, or they will give up on her. And that would be a shame if you really liked him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss M Posted May 29, 2006 Share Posted May 29, 2006 if i had been through a string of failed relationships like the ones you have often described, i wouldn't trust women either. oh, wait... i have. and yet, i still do. Lives, experiences, challenges, timelines, abilities... all of those are uniquely different to every person. And no matter what one person has done, or been, or overcome, s/he has never done it within teacup's world of reality. We all walk individual paths... and at individual speeds... and that is as it should be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Bear Posted May 29, 2006 Share Posted May 29, 2006 We all walk individual paths... and at individual speeds... and that is as it should be.surely, Miss M, with all your obvious wisdom you are not suggesting that one person cannot be an example, an influence or even an inspiration to another... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AwdreeHpburn Posted May 29, 2006 Share Posted May 29, 2006 all i have to do is sit back and say, yes or no, if im interested or not. otherwise, i move on. Yes. This is what you should do. Sit back and wait on your throne for the peasants to come to you with their gifts for your approval. Then, when you find one worthy, take him into your budoir, have your way with him and have him beheaded. Oh wait, I bet you're not even royalty. AND I think those rights were reserved for the royal men anyway..... I guess in this case, i would still say yes. Sit back and wait and let those of us who actively seek attention and relationships get the really good guys. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Budman Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 surely, Miss M, with all your obvious wisdom you are not suggesting that one person cannot be an example, an influence or even an inspiration to another... Surely she means, that what affects you one way, will affect someone else different. What one person can handle quite easily, another can not. For example, some people can ask a girl out like nothing, and other can't. It's all in the set of eyes you look through. I have a friend that was literally stabbed in the back, yet he trusts women more than a friend who had someone cheat on him. Think about that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Bear Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 i've had my face busted open with a tv remote, nearly lost a finger in a slammed door, been cheated on by more than one wife, had a $500 check stolen from me and my signature forged, been called every insulting thing in the book and been lied to and about more times than a man can count. and that's just a taste... the litany of abuse and humiliation that i've received at the hands of females would literally take hours to chronicle. but i kept my faith in the opposite sex and i am very, very glad that i did, because if i had run the "poor me, all women are untrustworthy" script i would have missed the golden opportunity of a lifetime. i'm not gloating, i'm not looking down on anyone; i'm just trying to put forth a positive example. those who wish to ignore it are free to do so, and i will not suffer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AwdreeHpburn Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 did I miss the who had it worst fight?? I'm not gonna wage in on this one but here's the score as I see it: Budman's Friend and SB.......... an even tie getting stabbed in the back is pretty gruesome but I think the "litany of abuse" suffered by SB could be just as damaging. I'm calling this an even, tie game. Now stop the "who had it worse" argument. Eye of the beholder people, eye of the beholder..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Bear Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 honestly, if it's a matter of comparison (and i didn't mean for it to be) then i would much rather go through all the petty things i mentioned than to actually be knifed in the back. in the eye of this beholder, that might just be enough to cure me of my optimism. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmp0620 Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 Stop looking at life like it's a mating game. Everyone is different and if you find a good guy you won't need to play those stupid games with him. You want a guy to value you because you are hard to get? If that's the case the only thing about you he values is the sex you'll give him. Unless you have some serious issues I think you would want a man to value you for your personality and the love you give, not because you were some prize that a man earned. Just make yourself an object why don't you...JEEZ I'm angry. "Men like to chase". That's ridiculous. Are you looking for love? Because you are approaching it all wrong. I really hope I don't become a biggot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AwdreeHpburn Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 good call SB and Love the new memorial day avatar... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss M Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 surely, Miss M, with all your obvious wisdom you are not suggesting that one person cannot be an example, an influence or even an inspiration to another... Surely she means, that what affects you one way, will affect someone else different. What one person can handle quite easily, another can not. For example, some people can ask a girl out like nothing, and other can't. It's all in the set of eyes you look through. I have a friend that was literally stabbed in the back, yet he trusts women more than a friend who had someone cheat on him. Think about that. Yeah, what Budman said... (thanks, luv. ) Okay, here's my take on this... No matter what horrible circumstances we've been through in our own lives, it's still arrogant for any of us to think we can decide about the method or timetable (or even that we can be the "inspiration") for someone else's healing path. And it's not the advice-giver, but the advice-recipient, that casts the ONLY vote about whether our advice is ultimately inspirational or not. If teacup says "no thanks" and if you genuinely have charitable intentions in your efforts here, then the only reasonable and kind response is to put your ego aside, and wish her success on her journey. Also... all of us self-appointed advice-givers owe a great deal of respect and gratitude to those whom we hope will grace us with their acceptance of our clumsy efforts of our so-called "inspiration." After all, we're not trained therapists, (and even THEY don't always get it right). And besides, without the advice-recipients we wouldn't have as many opportunities to be self-impressed about our over-flowing (and ever-flowing) opinions. I think it takes a lot of courage to expose oneself to this type hit-or-miss advice, and we should all remember that advice-recipients are not in the least obligated to accept what we offer. Now, that's my $.02 worth of "obvious wisdom" (thanks SB ) And many thanks to you all for putting up with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teacup Posted May 30, 2006 Author Share Posted May 30, 2006 well, in theory that is very pretty. but let us also remember that communism was also a good theory. i dont care so much about the theory, philosophy but as what really works in real life. and unfortunately, that doesnt always work like it says it the books, or according to the principles of fairness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teacup Posted May 30, 2006 Author Share Posted May 30, 2006 unfortunately, i have made the mistake of thinking older meant wiser. and it was a huge mistake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss M Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 Agree with Teacup. Despite its underlying noble principle, the golden rule is a death trap when trying to undo a repeating pattern of abusive relationships. Those guys who try to exploit, mistreat, and prey on me are no longer gonna get the good treatment from me just because I want that from them. From now on, I'm gonna save the good treatment only for the good guys... and the bad guys just have to find some other women to prey on. And my main goal now is to learn how to recognize the good guys, and bypass the bad ones. Also, the golden rule is not a good one for codependents. Codependents need to relearn healthy self-respect, stop being doormats, and learn to make their(our) well-being a priority over others. So those noble principles simply aren't a blanket remedy for all circumstances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss M Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 Oh, and if we start pulling rank based on age, then I win, right? Um, no... how about if we don't do that either, k? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Bear Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 don't worry, Dako has you beat at 53. the golden rule is infallible if applied universally. if someone in your life does not follow it then he or she is to be avoided. not a bad rule of thumb for codependents. teacup, believe me... when you are older you will be wiser. that's what experience does. and the last time i looked, there were several Communist countries alive and well... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teacup Posted May 30, 2006 Author Share Posted May 30, 2006 yes, cuba and north korea are only on the brink of starvation and china is only converting from a central economy to a market economy but that doesnt really count. unfortunately, life doesnt seem to have rules. reality seems more situationally applicable to me. but what do i know? im just a baby. (ok, kidding!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss M Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 don't worry, Dako has you beat at 53. Oh, I hadn't forgotten Dako... I was just thinking of those of us in this conversation. Besdes, Dako is pretty compliant... even though he's older, I'm bossier. I probably can get him to defer to me by just giving him one of my very stern looks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teacup Posted May 30, 2006 Author Share Posted May 30, 2006 when i put my hands on my hips, that seems to work well for me. and when that doesn't work, i usually put my arms up for a hug and kiss. now that seems to always work. oh, but it only works with men. err.....ones im dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss M Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 when i put my hands on my hips, that seems to work well for me. and when that doesn't work, i usually put my arms up for a hug and kiss. now that seems to always work. oh, but it only works with men.Awww, teacup... honey, I'd give you a (((hug))) too. Yes, in my world, thankfully the "girls" look for any excuse to give each other a sisterly hug. And the guys sit back and laugh nervously because they really don't get why we do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teacup Posted May 30, 2006 Author Share Posted May 30, 2006 yay! *hugs*! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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