Friend Being Weird. I'm confused! Please advise!

[Daniel05]

OK I'm a guy and I've had this friend in work for 2 years. We've built up a solid friendship over that time and I really like him. When he started in my workplace there weren't that many guys or outgoing people around so we got to know each other (I'm quite quiet and not very good in group situations). Thing is in work now there's a lot more outgoing young people around and if we're all in a group situation he'll direct the conversation at them - there won't be any eye contact with me at all and it makes me feel unimportant and left out. Because I like him so much I get annoyed him doing this and it makes things worse. I think if he really likes me as a friend why would he do this? At the end of the day we work the best when it's just the two of us. Any others and I'm left out. I don't think he does it deliberately and he does like to be one of the main players of a group so interacts with the extrovert people for him to be one of the main players too. Sometimes because I feel left out I switch off half way through the conversation thinking if he can't be bothered to at least include me in this why should I bother listening?! He'll make eye contact with everyone apart from me. He quite often puts his arm around me in a matey way and I was very surprised on one recent night out (both of us were drunk) when he kissed me on the cheek (he is totally 100% straight by the way) so that would indicate he likes me as a friend so why does he behave in this way? Anybody with any ideas? It's been driving me mad for months! Please advise!

[teacup]

that's weird. i dont think most men kiss each other on the cheek.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Hi Daniel. You're a guy I assume right?

 

Anyway the cheek kissing there I'd say no gayness was intended in that instance. I'd say it seems like he really does like you quite a bit as a friend. But maybe he feels he knows you so well like he figures he doesn't need to keep your attention while others around, because he's already got your friendship. So that kind of probably makes you feel a bit taken for granted.

 

I'm not sure though how you could fix that though, any suggestions from others?

[CarnelianButterfly]

It depends on his upbringing. Some European men will kiss on the cheeks as greetings. American men have a big personal area and don't like much touching from other males, not all cultures or even families are like that, it just depends on the individual.

[Daniel05]

Yeah I am a guy and it's interesting to see what you think iamteddybearfeelmecuddle because that's what I've been trying to persuade myself is happening (ie comfortable with friendship so doesn't bother) away from the scene but when I'm back there and it's happening it just gets to me again! Yes he is probably comfortable with our friendship but at the same time with a few others he's close friends with he still makes the effort to make eye contact and talk to but.. the difference is is that they are extrovert, group people and I'm not. I've kind of dug myself a deeper hole at the moment as because I have been known to switch off sometimes and he's noticed it I think he'll be even less inclined to include me now! The last night out he started making plans to move on to another bar with another friend, completely ignoring me and I said 'If you're going can you like include me in the conversation so I know what's happening?' His response was 'Don't be such a girl, just come on!' It's really weird. At the end of the day our friendship is only great as far as I'm concerned when it's just the two of us because we have our own jokey ways, insult each other etc and that doesn't happen when there's anyone else there. If there is I just get ignored for someone else. Doesn't really look good for the future perhaps when we would meet up mainly when there's a group of us. At the same time I'd be so unhappy if we weren't mates cos I really think a lot of him, perhaps too much. Aaarghh!