Am I losing interest in my g/f? Need Advice!

[Double J]

Never thought I would be saying this, but it might just be happening. But based on several things, it's not at all surprising. My g/f and I tend to see each other anywhere from 4-6 times every week. On the weekends we tend to spend at least 5-8 hrs together both Saturday and Sunday. She comes to my house every single time (I've only been to her house on 2 or 3 occasions, and 2 of those were holidays). Her parents own a bakery, and so they're basically there every single day from the wee hours of the morning into 9 PM. My g/f shares a car with her parents, so she has to be driving them around everywhere and spends more time in the bakery than in her own house.

 

Thus, they don't allow her to be home by herself if no one else is there. If she wants me to go, she needs to get permission first, and that's only if her brother or sister in law is in the house. So what happens? You guessed it. She comes to my house every single time we see each other. On weekdays she comes in her car to visit, but on weekends I have to pick her up and bring her here. There are definite pros and cons to that. In my house we get more privacy, it's usually quieter here, and hey, it's my house - gotta like that. Here is also the only place where we can have our intimacy without being worried about people catching us. But at the same time, I think her coming here so much is starting to become routine. I know that what we did this week will happen just the same next week. Note that we don't usually go out all that much because I'm taking 3 classes and am very serious about my studying, and she understands that and doesn't mind. When she's here, we often study together, but eventually she gets either bored, tired, or both and falls asleep for hours. Her curfew is around 12:30, so sometimes she falls asleep at 10 and before we know it it's midnight and time to go.

 

The bottom line is this: I've been with my g/f now for 14 months. She is a great girl and I love her and am thankful she's in my life. The problem is that every inch of mystery or "being on the edge" has diminished. Her situation at home isn't as good as mine, which in part explains why she loves coming here. She also gets great hospitality (dinner every night, etc.) I never thought I'd say this, but maybe I'm kind of jealous of her because I wish I would get the same type of hospitality from her folks; however, they're isolated in their own world. My g/f loves me, treats me well, and is very affectionate and all. But I know she also enjoys the benefits that come with the product. I sometimes wish that things would be more like a traditional relationship, where the guy goes to the girl's house. In our case it's completely the opposite. I wouldn't mind her coming here more than I go to her house, but at least I wish I would go over a little more and be part of "her world" more like she's part of mine.

 

In terms of going out, we often catch a movie, eat dinner, play pool, or even go to a baseball game. I take her out when I can, but I can't go overboard because I have to study and don't have tons of money to spend. So basically, we're limited to the confines of my house 90% of the time we're together. I think this relationship needs to be spiced up a little - it might need a dose of spontaneity.

 

I'd also like to mention that I'm really not sure if there are codependency issues here. A few months ago her and her best friend's friendship went down the pipes. She really doesn't go out that much with anyone else other than one friend she works with at her school. She doesn't really go to the gym, mall, or anywhere else by herself or with another friend. So in reality she relies on me heavily for dinners, movies and any other form of entertainment you can think of (doesn't include going out with her family, which happens barely).

 

Has anyone here experienced something similar? I'm looking for advice - is my argument legitimate? Does my g/f in any way seem a little selfish?

 

Looking forward to your responses.

[RayKay]

Have you talked to her maybe about how you feel it's a bit "routine"?

 

I don't think that is an unfair complaint, as long as you are compassionate and stress that SHE is not routine!

 

My impression is maybe too you spend ALL your free time together, and not on other things (aside from studying). It's good to have your own interests and hobbies too...tends to keep you from feeling stuck in a "routine" and gives you time to miss one another and LEARN from one another.

 

You do not have to spend money on dates, just go for a walk or to throw a frisbee, go cycling together, or tour a museum. But when you spend time together, focus on quality - not quantity alone.

 

And let her know you want to feel more included in HER family too, even if they are around, if this is a girl you are into, tell her you want to feel part of her family like she is of yours.

 

Good luck!

[friscodj]

Well, it sounds from reading your post that you have figured most of this out yourself: the relationship has become too routine.

 

I have experienced similar situations before myself. I suggest you see each other a little less, maybe 2-3 times a week. That way, seeing each other becomes fresher and more of a treat, more anticipation, maybe miss each other a bit, etc.

 

Then what you mention several times is that she comes to your house and things are starting to seem routine that way. You might consider exactly what you said: spontenaity. Use your imagination, analyze the situation. What do you guys enjoy doing together but don't do enough of?

 

Another point to make here is to not lose sight of what you do have. It's easy for people to start looking to greener pastures and fail to see how green their own pasture is. So in addition to the above points, try to really look at the beauty of what you have, even if it seems mundane to you. The motivation you'll gain from looking at the situation this way might help fuel the fire a bit: imagine this beautiful, wonderful woman gone from your life and imagine this time you spend with her as if it is the last.

 

Overall, you seem like you have good perception and perspective on the situation. I'm sure you'll figure things out.

[biddo]

Yeh theres a lil song called this " even lovers need a holiday/ far away ...from each o--ther ..." " hold me now its hard for me to say sorry ...i just want u to know ... "

 

heheheh hey listen to some music ... take it easy

[Momene]

Think of something you could do together like stargazing or just walking.