There have been others before them and there will be others after them too.

[ElektraHere]

Just when we think we are doing ok something happens and we feel we are back to square one again. It is so aggravating that the Steps of Loss can't just be in a sequential order and when we get to the last step Acceptance then we are done. A sort of graduation from the pain.

Ah if life could only be that easy.

 

 

We rack our brains trying to figure out "what went wrong" or "how can I get them back?" We also flood our thoughts of all the good times, the funny times, and the words that meant so much at the time. It seems our thoughts can never wander to the other side, you know the times of hardship, arguments, and the feelings at that time when we did want to be away from them.

 

 

People say over and over "there are others who will appreciate and love you" or "what will be will be." They are right but we can't hear anything because our minds are set on a TV channel of the past and everyone's advice, kind words, or "get your act together" prodding is just white noise.

 

We use priceless energy to convince the people around us that they "just don't understand" or that "there will be no other person we will ever connect with." That energy would be better spent convincing ourselves that we "just don't understand" and "there is another person we WILL connect with."

 

 

There have been others before them and there will be others after them too. We need to make that a mantra of sorts. You will never be alone unless you choose that for yourself; be it physically or mentally.

[annie24]

I agree. I heard a really good statistic a few days ago on the TV. E. Jean Carroll (a writer) said that 95% of people will be married by age 50. (It doesn't mean they stay married though.) But I think her point was not to look at your calendar and say, I'm 27/36/whatever and I'm not married yet!!! Argh!!! In time, things will fall in place....

 

There are millions of people out there (plenty on this site too) that had a bad heartbreak, only to meet someone 1000x better soon after! With some time, they looked on the heartbreak as a blessing in disguise.

[Dako]

EH,

Well-done! I agree completely.

[DN]

I agree. It is important that when things do knock you back that you try and land on square two or three rather than square one. Then progress some more and next time you are only knocked back to square five or six.

 

In other words, the overall progression over time is more forward than backward.

[GottaLetItBurn]

You just have to accept it. I have gotten to a point where when she calls I know no matter what it probably could never work out. It fuels me because she is calling me, but she doesn't realize I have accepted that she isn't in my life anymore through NC.

 

I just think a person has to sort through it on there own. There is no way to switch of your feeling for someone. Just crying and sleeping will get them through it. Time brings back a persons sanity when they are crushed by being abandonded.

 

Good post.

[GottaLetItBurn]

I agree. I heard a really good statistic a few days ago on the TV. E. Jean Carroll (a writer) said that 95% of people will be married by age 50. (It doesn't mean they stay married though.) But I think her point was not to look at your calendar and say, I'm 27/36/whatever and I'm not married yet!!! Argh!!! In time, things will fall in place....

 

There are millions of people out there (plenty on this site too) that had a bad heartbreak, only to meet someone 1000x better soon after! With some time, they looked on the heartbreak as a blessing in disguise.

 

yes yes yes this girls got it down. They find someone 1000x better. If you did NC wisely the person who dumps you wondered why you didn't care and always will be stuck with "what if?"

 

Which is the pay off for all your pain if you stay away. You got to be smart about it, and you will realize how smart you are in the future and avoided making mistakes.

 

Crazy how by just walking away, you can become the dumper.

[GreatGuy]

"If you don't know where you came from, you will not know where you're going".

Its that easy. Often we do not see some things, and all of the sudden the universe gives us a pat on the butt, and we begin to think of possibilities otherwise we never would have entertained. It is important to remember this is happening now so you can be ready to learn new things to happen later on in your life. You can't be so hard on yourself for what happened, you must let go and see the goods in the past events with your ex(es). When you look at the big pic, you see that if it wasn't for what happened to you in the past you wouldn;t be where you are right now...reading this post on .....enotalone.com.......ect....ect....

 

Be strong and remember to be your best at all that you do!

[Momene]

Reminds me of a recent thread. It sounds big headed but I have never been dumped for being a jerk. That doesn't mean I haven't been one and haven't still got jerk-like tendencies but all of my past relationships would all have ended whether I'd been a jerk or not. In some cases I'd been so anti-jerk as to lick their asses to beg them not to leave!

 

I have learned that ALL relationships have a sell-by date and if you're lucky it's after the date of the first death but, as often as not, it isn't. Trying to reproach yourself for being a jerk or jerkess is futile because nearly all relationships would have ended anyway.

 

Again, nearly everyone who's had a break-up have another long-term realtionship afterwards (if not several) and most of the rest find contentment without a relationship. That only leaves about 1-2% who are left unhappily single.

 

Well 98%+ seems pretty good odds to me.

[RayKay]

Great post Elektra!

 

I agree, I think when you are in the midst of grief though it is very hard to see that there IS a brighter future ahead, and that there IS someone out there whom will blow your socks off even more so.

 

100% of all relationships will end....until you find the one that doesn't until the course of life and death says so.....so keep on that journey, and have faith that the universe will reward you when the time is right!